Hands Down
by Simple-And-Clean-Passion
Summary: Roxas is left home alone on the brink of summer, and looking forward to a little fun with Axel. The two have gotten close over a year, but everything is about to change into something they can never forget. My summary skills are lacking. AkuRoku.
1. Lean Back

**A/N:** Here's what you need to know: This story was posted under the same title quite some time ago, and upon reading it over again recently, I decided to rewrite it. The original has been deleted (although I still have it, of course). It will follow the same line, but it'll just be, well, better.

For those of you who never saw my writing before, enjoy. You're getting the second generation work. It's better, believe me.

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_-1-_

**'Lean Back'**

When the doorbell rang out through the house, I didn't bother to glance out the window. I knew who it was at the door and all I cared about was answering so I could break the monotony and silence in my home. I swung the door open to find Axel leaning on the wall, hands tucked in the back pockets of his tight-fitting jeans. He grinned at me and stepped inside, kicking his shoes off in the hall. I snapped the door shut and led the way to the living room, kicked back on the plush, white couch, and waited for Axel to settle in. He fell back on the other end of the couch and glanced over at me with a light yawn.

"So. Whaddya wanna do, Rox?"

"Hadn't thought about it yet."

His eyes swept the room, stopping on me again.

"Awful quiet around here," he remarked.

"I already told you my parents are gone. Business."

"Oh, right..."

We fell into a lazy silence and I reclined against the back of the sofa. It was a hot day out, right on the tail end of the school year. My parents had been called away for business, which wasn't unusual. On any typical Friday night, I would be with Pence, Hayner, and Olette, but not this time. Pence and Olette were studying for finals. Well, so was Hayner, but definitely not by choice. He would have been livid if he had known I wasn't sitting around moping, waiting for him to be set free by his mother.

Hayner was never a big fan of Axel. It was easy enough to get on Hayner's bad side, and Axel had certainly done that without even trying. I had gotten quite an earful by this point just because I occasionally ate lunch with Axel or talked to him in the hall; forget about hanging out beyond school. I had the feeling Hayner didn't like the idea of me having more than one 'best friend'. But he'd never admit that, so I just let him rant until he ran out of fuel, then things went back to normal.

My parents weren't exactly thrilled about Axel either. My mother had initially thought he was one of those kids who had been held back a number of times just because he looked older than most of my friends. Even after I had proven to her that he was way smarter than me, she was still wary of him. She didn't approve of some of the crude remarks he made, though he always apologized when he realized he'd let something slip. My father was generally quietly disapproving, but stayed out of it. He knew I was getting enough guff from my mom for the both of them, and he didn't usually trouble himself; he was certain I was more careful than most kids. And I knew that my parents weren't going to love everyone I associated with (although my other friends were treated like my siblings).

The thing that really got my mom was the way he looked. She wasn't even too approving of my hairstyle, let alone Axel's wild mess of red hair and the small tattoos on his face. She hated the way he dressed too; to her, it spelled out troublemaker. Any reason to accuse him, she had it in her arsenal. All of these things combined meant I didn't really hang out with him much, but when I did, I always had a good time; even my parents couldn't deny that they were happy to see me out of the house having fun.

Axel's stomach growled and drew me back to the present. I smirked over at him.

"Hungry?"

"Certainly seems that way," he replied.

I thought for a moment, but came to the conclusion that there wasn't any real food left in the house. My parents had already been gone for two days, and I had eaten my way methodically through everything with Hayner and Pence while we studied. But there was cash in the kitchen, which my mother had handed over with a reluctant "Take your skateboard and get some groceries, but be careful!" I got to my feet and motioned for him to follow me. He perched on the counter top as I grabbed the cash and counted it. Axel caught on easily.

"The usual place then?" he asked, slipping off of the counter and heading for the door.

"Sure," I answered as we put our shoes on. I let out a relieved sigh as he wrestled his car keys from his pocket and stepped outside. I didn't bother to lock the door; my home was in a nice neighborhood and I wouldn't be gone long. The beat up red convertible was parked haphazardly in the driveway. The top was already down so Axel vaulted himself into the driver's seat and I clambered a little less gracefully into the passenger seat. We took off at an unbelievable speed before I could even reach for my seat belt. I gave up and laughed to myself at the look on Axel's face as he tore out of my neighborhood. He always looked so alive when he was driving.

I relaxed into the seat, thought it was way too far back for my usual comfort. But at that moment, I didn't care. It'd been an exhausting day of review and prep at school, and an even longer afternoon with Hayner complaining about his mother ordering him to stay home and study. I knew I had at least fifteen minutes before we'd reach the diner which was our usual haunt. I stretched and yawned as I leaned back in the seat. I briefly wondered who has sat here last, knowing that Demyx had been gone for a while now on vacation, but then again, Axel wasn't exactly known for staying in on school nights. I assumed he'd been out partying; something for which he was definitely known. I shut my eyes as Axel turned up the already blaring music and revved the engine.

When I opened my eyes again, I realized I had drifted off for some time, because we were sitting in the parking lot of the diner and it was already much darker outside. Axel had a cigarette in one hand as he looked over at me.

"Nice of you to join me," he commented as I sat up, bleary-eyed and surprised.

"Why didn't you just wake me up?"

"Mm, I'm in no rush."

I yawned and got out of the car as he tossed his cigarette aside and slipped over the door on the driver's side. We were greeted by the hostess, who knew us well enough by now. We were brought to our usual table in the back, and another familiar waitress took our orders as we settled in.

"So, you had any luck with Naminé?" he asked as he settled back.

"Not really."

It had been the general consensus for some time that she and I would be perfect together. But for one thing, she didn't always keep my interest like she used to, and for another, she turned me down any time I asked for a date.

"She keeps telling me she has her reasons but she won't tell me what they are. Girls..."

I shook my head tiredly and Axel smirked at me.

"I think I know what she's talking about," he remarked, smirking wider.

"Huh?"

"Nah, forget I said anything."

Right as I opened my mouth to retort, our food came and my overwhelming hunger won out. Naminé could wait; I was just too damn starved to care. We spoke very little as we ate, mainly about school and plans for the summer.

Axel was on the brink of seventeen, wrapping up his junior year, and I had just turned sixteen, looking forward to my junior year. Despite our age difference and our very different taste in friends, we had become tight in no time at all (much to Hayner's dismay). I had initially spent more time hanging around town with Axel until Hayner got wind of it, at which point I'd gotten a lecture. I didn't hang with Axel as much, but nor did I spend that much time at the usual spot anymore. It didn't seem fair to spend more time with one than the other. So I basically admitted defeat and backed away from all sides. But I had to admit that from the minute I met him, it was like I'd known Axel for years, while I still spent half my time trying to figure Hayner out, and I'd known him all my life. And Axel was definitely a lot more chilled out.

Axel was particularly looking forward to the coming school year. While he acted like a delinquent and perhaps looked like one, he'd already gotten all of the credits required except for two, and both were total no-brainers. I was set on the same track, more or less, except I wasn't looking forward to the next school year so much as I was to finishing it. Junior year for the AP students was the absolute worst, but I knew I would be set once I finished up. Axel had colleges begging him to attend already and I wasn't far behind, academically.

After I had sat contentedly for some time, having practically swallowed my food whole, we split the tab up, left a nice tip, and walked out with a wave to the hostess (she'd always been rather taken with both of us). We hopped back in the car and sped away again.

"So, where to now?"

It was good to be out of the house and not listening to Hayner rant or studying obsessively.

"Where ever you want," I replied, shrugging.

Just as Axel gunned it again, my phone started to vibrate. I slipped it out of my pocket and checked the ID.

_Calling...Mom_

I rolled my eyes and got Axel's attention.

"Slow down a minute."

He nodded and reined it back in a little.

"Hello?"

"Hey, honey, I just had a few free moments and wanted to check in with you."

"Hey, mom. Everything's good here."

"Where are you? It sounds windy."

"Uh, just on my way home from Hayner's. We were studying. I'm on my board."

_That should do it..._

"Oh, well, I don't want to distract you. I'll talk to you later, honey. Love you, bye!"

"Yeah, you too, mom. Bye."

I snapped the phone shut but saw a message had come in while I was talking to my mother.

_One message received_

I flipped the display open again and went in to my messages. It was from Hayner.

'Dude, my mom is driving me crazy. Come study with me.'

I sighed and tried to stop myself from feeling guilty. I let out a growl of annoyance, closed the message, turned my phone off, and shut it. Axel glanced over curiously, at which I just rolled my eyes and shrugged. He grinned, stepped on the gas, and cranked the music again. I leaned back in the reclined seat again and let myself relax. Hayner would never know any better, and frankly, I didn't care. I was just ready for summer vacation; some fun, friends, memories, all the things everyone wanted. No room for bullshit, not here, not now.

Axel had started up an unfamiliar road. It looked like one of the unfinished neighborhoods that had been forgotten about when there was something of a population boom in the area. A lot of new subdivisions and apartment complexes were started, but after a while, the rush slowed, and a lot of construction stopped. A few minutes down the road empty lots began to come into view, surrounded by patches of trees where fences might have stood if the place had been finished. A good number of the street lights here were either disconnected or smashed. I didn't let it trouble me. This was a pretty safe town, from my experience, and I knew Axel wasn't going to put me in any danger. He turned into one of the lots with practiced familiarity and parked the car before taking the keys from the ignition. He lit up a cigarette and relaxed into the seat looking thoughtful and a little troubled.

"And what're we supposed to do here?" I asked, quirking my brow.

He shrugged and glanced at me dismissively.

"Okay..." I muttered, glancing around. Axel smoked in silence for a few minutes, not avoiding my gaze, but seemingly unaware of me. I'd never seen him looking so wrapped up in his thoughts; his brow furrowed very slightly, fingertips to his mouth. I resigned myself to the situation and let the lazy summer sounds engulf me; the warm air breezing over my skin pleasantly. I almost felt I could fall asleep when Axel finally spoke again.

"I used to come here a lot. When I was a kid, to think about things."

I frowned slightly. Nothing had seemed different about him until now. The entire day had passed normally. Why this, why now? I was sure we would make our usual rounds; dinner, a movie, a friend's place.

_Apparently not..._

I tried to force my mind to switch gears. I had never really heard anything about Axel's childhood. I had always assumed that meant it was probably pretty standard. But maybe I was totally wrong, if he would come to a place like this to think things over. I heard him shift beside me, looking towards the sky as his cigarette burned down.

"Never brought anyone here with me."

It was Axel's voice, but not his tone. Something was so off here, and I had no idea what.

"Well, I guess that's not true. My mom brought me here the first time, told me we were going to have a nice house up here, but that I should come here on my own when things got bad so I had some place of my own. She never came with me after that, so it was all mine. But it was lonely."

I looked away from him, picking out small details in my attempt to keep calm. I noticed the way everything was overgrown, except for the spot where the car seemed to fit perfectly on the packed earth. How often did he come up here?

"So...Why did we come here?" I prompted quietly, watching him with caution. He still hadn't met my eyes.

"No one likes being lonely," he replied, as if it was obvious. He finally looked at me, but I had averted my eyes now, focusing hard on anything but him.

Now that I thought about it, I had never met Axel's mother. And he only ever talked about his 'old man'. But that didn't necessarily mean a thing. Maybe I was just thinking too hard on this. Maybe he just trusted me.

"You said you came here to think when things were bad. So why?" I pressed uncertainly.

"Because things are bad. So much worse than I thought."

This wasn't Axel. This wasn't how he spoke to me; this wasn't what we did. I gulped and met his gaze. He was watching me with an expression that held both pleading and pain.

"What're you talking about?"

I tried to relax, hoping he was just opening up to me. I was never good with this kind of thing, but I could try.

"I think it would be a hard thing to put into words," he answered simply, and I looked away.

That was a mistake, because I didn't see him slipping smoothly from his side of the car over to mine. It happened so quickly, so seamlessly; I didn't have time to react. When did he manage to slip over and straddle me like that? When did he have time to lean in so close and catch my eyes again? And why was he doing this? Why did he have a hand on my face? When did we get here?

Throughout the whens and whys, I was frozen. I pressed back in the seat as he moved towards me. My mind flickered back to the way the seat was inclined; a perfect way to almost lay down and sleep. It briefly crossed my mind that sleeping was not what this seat had been meant for when it had been pushed back. But there was no time to dwell on this, nor did I need to. My suspicions were more than confirmed as I felt him pressing close to me. Then I felt his lips pressed to mine, and it was confirmed all over again.

_Yeah, that explains the seat, I guess..._

My hands gripped the edges of the worn leather seat but slipped. My palms were damp with sweat and I could feel my breath catching in my chest as he pressed closer. My eyes were shut tight, but I could picture it in my head, and I felt a squirm in my stomach; not unpleasant, but not reassuring.

But I still had a question.

Why wasn't I doing anything about this?

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**A/N:** There you have it. Chapters one and two of the original put together and rewritten ever so lovingly. Or something. And yes, I name things after songs. It's simply my way. Sure, it's not a life-changing piece of writing. But it amuses, no?

[[[Peace Out]]]

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	2. Maintain Consciousness

**A/N:** So, round two of the rewrite. Please read and review (Or re-review, as the case may be). I'm personally a lot more comfortable with the flow of the story this time around. In any case, enjoy!

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_-2-_

**'Maintain Consciousness'**

_Why...? Why? **Why?!**_

While I shouted at myself in my head, on the outside, I was still laying motionless, trapped beneath Axel, our lips pressed together, our bodies pressed together. There was an uncomfortable tingling in the pit of my stomach as I put two and two together. He was kissing me. Axel. Axel was kissing me. The words didn't sound like they were supposed to go together. But somehow, they had. I asked myself why I hadn't protested yet again, and I finally managed to draw myself out of the haze that had come down on me. My face felt hot as I opened my eyes. All I could see was Axel, looming in front of me. No, not looming. On top of me. Pressing into me, letting out a little sigh. That was enough for me.

"Nn!"

The sound escaped my throat before I could think of a better way to halt the situation, but it was enough. I wriggled as he pulled back to look at me, and I turned my face to the side, burning with embarrassment. I blinked rapidly and my chest rose and fell quickly as I tried to regain my composure. All I could feel was Axel; pressed against me, breathing on me, touching me, taking over me. I left out a deep, shuddering breath, and it was over as quickly as it had begun. Axel disappeared from my side of the car, slipped back into the driver's seat, looking quiet and thoughtful again.

He reached a hand over towards me and I shrank back, still looking anywhere but at him. I relaxed marginally as he opened the glove box to take out a new pack of cigarettes and made no move to touch me. Once he had a cigarette in hand and smoke curling away from his mouth, his gaze seemed to grow less serious, as far as I could tell. I only dare to peek at him out of the corner of my eye. I wanted desperately to say something, but nothing came, and he offered no conversation.

One second, it had seemed like we were having a friend-to-friend moment of trust and revelation, and the next, he was on top of me. Nothing like that had happened to me before. Well, the first part, yeah. My friends had confided in me before. But they hadn't tried to make out with me afterward. I had no idea what the hell was going on, and wasn't sure I wanted to, except that my personal space felt extremely violated.

"What..." I trailed off, finding that my voice felt weak, but I turned to stare at him.

Axel finished his cigarette while I watched incredulously. Then, like nothing, he turned on the car and pulled out of the place, speeding back down the old road. Nothing about this was normal. So why was he driving and acting as if it was all just another night out on the town? Why wasn't he saying anything? Why didn't I have a clue what the fuck was going on? I found myself unable to speak until we reached the busier part of town.

"...What the fuck was _that_ about?"

I continued to stare at him, faltering between enraged and confused.

And for once, Axel didn't smirk at me. Didn't grin at me, nor sneer. He smiled. The damn punk _smiled_.

"Sorry," he answered simply.

"Sorry?" I repeated in disbelief.

_That doesn't even begin to cover it._

"Right. Whatever," I muttered. "And what was all that about your mother?"

I was as angry as a kitten in a bath tub full of puppies, but I still wanted to know what the hell was up.

"Ah, that..."

He trailed off and his eyes seemed to dull ever so slightly. Something about his voice was different again; like it had been minutes before. I almost felt guilty, but I forced myself to have some resolve. I still wanted to know why he had just tried to seduce me. Seduce? No, that wasn't the word. It hadn't been quite that. But something like seduce.

I watched other kids our age meandering down the sidewalks, laughing and talking animatedly as we sped by. Their happiness seemed pretty distant to me now. Maybe it was my anger, maybe it was Axel's strange turn of mood, I didn't know. The only thing I knew was that I was more confused than I could ever recall having been in my life. And that was the only thing I was certain of.

I heaved a sigh and shot him a sidelong glance.

"We don't have to talk about it."

I crossed my arms over my chest and he nodded in response. After a moment passed, some of the life came back to his face and I felt myself feeling more relaxed, against my better judgment.

"I'm sorry."

This time, he didn't smile.

"Nn, whatever. It's all right."

I could see his smirk in the rear view mirror, but otherwise refused to look at him again. I couldn't think straight, and he wasn't helping at all. We were at my neighborhood, and I felt a strange panic stirring in me; a sudden thought to urge him to keep driving. I told myself I was just lonely with my parents gone and everyone else busy. Axel pulled into the driveway, reached hesitantly for the keys, and shut off the car. He leaned back in the seat and laid his head on the rest, turning his face towards me with a strange smile spreading across his lips slowly.

"Don't make that face, it's creepy," I scoffed as I turned and reached for the door handle. My moment of disregard cost me. Before I could move further, he was leaning over me again, a hand placed on either side of the headrest on my seat. He was pressed too close for me to reach the door again. My hands were flat on his chest, having been pushed back as he swept in front of me. He leaned in closer and my eyes widened. I knew I was quivering a little, but hoped it went unnotcied. By his smirk, I doubted it.

"W- what the fuck are you doing?"

"If memory serves," he drawled "You said 'it's all right'."

Before I could reply, his lips were against my neck, warm and moist. I shuddered and drew in a sharp breath. I was rooted to the spot again as his lips wandered up my neck and to my lips. My mouth was parted open slightly when he was gone again, and I almost let out a sound of fright, but my voice failed me again. His mouth was at my neck again, but this was different.

I gripped the front of his shirt as his mouth worked roughly at me neck. A short exhale escaped me, coming out in a sigh, and I felt him smile and laugh against my skin before he returned to it. I shut my eyes as the sensation grew less unfamiliar and my breathing slowed.

I finally knew a few things. I knew that this was so strange I couldn't believe it was happening. I knew I was going to have a monumental hickey come tomorrow. I knew that the neighbors were nosy and probably calling my mother. I knew that there was no way to keep this quiet. And I knew that I still wasn't doing anything about it.

I jolted, feeling his hands guiding mine around his waist. For as thin as he was, he was muscular. Lean, strong, and smooth. I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly as his teeth pulled roughly at my skin. I squirmed and shivered again, but a small sound escaped me, probably best described as a moan, and he smiled against my neck again before kissing the spot he had just defiled and pulling away to look at me, eyes shining.

"You ass," I breathed in a voice very unlike my own. I realized how tightly my fingertips were dug into his waist and I let go. He smirked at me and brushed his fingers across my burning cheek. He leaned forward again and I shut my eyes, shrinking back. But then nothing happened.

I opened my eyes to find he was gone from me, relaxed into the driver's seat again.

"Huh?"

I looked around as he fumbled distractedly with his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. And my eyes fell on a figure standing at the end of the walkway to my door. It was my family's neighbor, middle-aged and conservative. She was frozen where she stood, hands extended as if she had been carrying something. Probably the glass dish that now lay cracked at her feet. She was a good friend of my mother's. This was not going to end well.

"Oh shit..."I muttered, glancing helplessly at Axel. He was still struggling to free a cigarette from the new pack.

_Sooo not helping._

I shut my eyes for a second and growled to myself before turning my attention to the shell-shocked woman. I sincerely wished she would disappear. But there she was, hands still outstretched, mouth still frozen open in surprise. The expression on her face would make anyone feel uncomfortable. And it didn't help that my stomach was turning flips and had been for a few minutes.

"Oh...uh. Hey, Mrs. Keeley."

My voice cracked very slightly and I felt like I needed a huge glass of water. I heard the lighter clicking by my side. I reached back without looking away from my neighbor and swatted the lighter from Axel's hand. I knew he would be giving me a look, but I ignored him, still watching Mrs. Keeley carefully.

"G...G- good evening, Roxas..." she murmured, though I could tell she barely managed it. She finally lowered her hands and clasped them in front of her like she always did. Her eyes were looking past me, to the redhead in the driver's seat. She knew who he was, and knew full well that my mother disapproved of him. Goddamn nosy old woman...

_Wait, I'm mad at **her**_**?**

She couldn't help that she had strolled up the driveway to find me making out with a guy. Let alone a guy my mother didn't like as my friend. Wait. Me? No, Axel had started this. So why did I have to finish it? I heard him flicking the lighter on and I let out a sigh.

"So, uh. What're you doing here so late?" I asked as calmly and politely as I could.

She seemed to need a moment to think on that one. Her eyes drifted between Axel and I, then finally to the broken dish on the ground.

"I...Well, I thought I would bring you something to eat, see how you were doing with you mother gone..."

Se faltered and watched Axel take a long drag from his cigarette. I cringed to myself.

"But...it's obviously a...a bad time."

"Oh...Uh, thanks for the thought, but I'm just gonna head in for the night."

I reached for the door handle and found it locked. I shot a glare at Axel. I watched the woman walk back to her home and as soon as her door snapped shut, I rounded on Axel.

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed, facing him. I stopped my tirade short, however, finding his face very close to mine again. At least he was on his side of the car this time... I reached for the handle and pulled it again hopelessly.

"C'mon, Axel, just unlock the door," I muttered, the heat rising in my face as I looked at him again. I knew I could just climb out; the top was still down. But somehow, it felt degrading, like I was running away, and not on my terms.

His fingertips grazed my face as he watched me, but this time I took action. I grabbed his wrist and pushed it roughly away. Something in me protested, but I ignored it. This was too much, I was in for so much hell now, and I couldn't let him get away with it. I exhaled angrily and vaulted myself over the side of the car, storming up the sidewalk to my door. I fished in my pockets for my house key, a frown set deep on my face. As I stumbled to find my key, I heard footsteps behind me and my scowl deepened. I glanced over my shoulder when he stopped next to me and he extended a hand.

"Dammit, Axel," I growled, shoving my shoulder into him as he placed a hand on my shoulder. He frowned and grabbed my other shoulder too, easily overpowering me. I shoved forward again but he pushed me back towards the stucco siding of the house. I tipped my head down to keep it from smacking the wall, and shut my eyes as he drew close. My hands were balled into fists by my side and I felt I would snap from the pressure that must be building in my tense body. I felt one of his hands slip away from my shoulder, and panic swept through me because I had no idea what he would do. I uttered a few choice curses at him and shoved my shoulder against the hand that remained. He pushed me back harder and the stucco pressed sharply into my back as he moved his hand to press against my chest, holding me there. I opened my eyes and he was right in front of me, frowning down at me. My breathing was growing shallow and my eyes were narrowed at him.

"Why don't y-"

I was cut short as his lips met mine expertly. My breath came in sharply and my fists uncurled. He proceeded cautiously, waiting for me to relax as I had in the car, but I kept my lips drawn in a tight line. My stomach turned over and I parted my lips just enough for a small sound of protest to escape, but he took advantage of this, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I shuddered at the sensation and my stomach flipped again. I pressed my hands flat against the wall behind me, feeling like my knees were going to give. He moved closer to me, acting more aggressively. I jerked my head backwards and it made contact with the wall. I drew another sharp breath and felt the warmth of blood on the back of my head. I automatically lifted my hand to the wound, but made contact with Axel's forearm. He jumped at the touch but I seized then chance. He had just slipped his tongue into my mouth again, and I bit down. Hard.

"Mmph!"

He stepped back quickly, pressing two fingers to his lips. I gasped to catch my breath and raised my hand to my head, immediately withdrawing it at the sharp burn that followed the touch. His hand was still pressed to my chest, and my back was still pressed to the wall. I shoved against it, and this time he dropped his hand to his side, staring at me. He reached out a hand, looking concerned, realizing I had smacked my head on the wall, but my icy stare stopped him in his tracks. He lowered hand again.

We stared at one another for a few moments before I shoved roughly past him, digging in my pockets again. I saw his hand reach out at my side and just as I prepared to to throw a heavy punch into his stomach, he reached the door handle and opened the front door of the house. I stared, my hand curled into a fist. I glanced at Axel and he was watching me, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrow quirked.

_Unlocked...Right._

I felt like an idiot. Was that all he'd been trying to do before? Open the stupid door? I sighed heavily and cursed myself mentally for being so thick. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, he turned away and tossed a wave over his shoulder as he went.

"Catch ya later, Roxy."

I stared after him until he had driven away, then stepped into the quiet, empty house. I kicked my shoes off and made a straight path for the kitchen where I put together a make-shift ice pack to dull the throbbing of my skull. I ambled, exhausted, into the living room and fell back on the couch, one hand holding the ice behind my head, the other draped across my stomach as I stared at the black TV screen. I grabbed a remote from the table and switched on the CD player, queuing up whatever disc I had put in last. I tossed the remote aside and reached up to scratch my neck but immediately withdrew my hand from the sore spot.

"That fucking idiot," I growled, recalling the massive hickey that was sure to fully appear by morning and plague me for at least four or five days. I found myself wondering how long it really would take to disappear and if my mother would notice it, but something seemed wrong with that train of thought. I shook my head at myself. It didn't hit me then like it would later on, but there wasn't anything wrong with it at all. I just hadn't explained it to myself yet. There was a part of my mind that had been asleep until what happened that night, and it was still having trouble waking up as I lay on the couch, drifting in and out of uneasy rest.

I tasted blood in my mouth and realized it was my own. When had my tongue gotten in the way?

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**A/N:** Rewrite number two. Hope it was enjoyable. I think I filled it out a lot more nicely this time around.

Please read and review, feedback is always appreciated. :]

Peace out.

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	3. Wake Up Call

**A/N:** Well, here we go again. Hope everyone is enjoying thus far. I loved this story dearly when I first wrote it, so I hope that everyone is liking the refined version. Read, review, enjoy, repeat.

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_-3-_

**'Wake Up Call'**

The alarm rang out shrill and irritating beside my bed and I groaned to myself. I rolled on to my side and slapped at the button to shut it off, finally succeeding on the fourth try. I grumbled and slipped out of bed, trudging across the familiar floor to my dresser, where I grabbed the first clean uniform I could find, and headed to the bathroom.

I turned on the water, letting it run cold. I knew there was no other way to wake myself up; much as I hated it. But without a cold shower, I would be in a perpetually grumpy state for the rest of the day. I stripped off my boxers, tossing them haphazardly at the laundry basket in the corner before I stepped under the freezing water. I shivered but forced myself to stay under the stream until I was alert. I wrapped a towel around my waist and stepped out, going back across the hall to my room. I flipped on my stereo as I went by and frowned. Whatever CD was in there was a mix Axel had let me borrow.

I heaved a sigh as I dressed and styled my hair, trying to sort things out for the thousandth time.

It was Monday morning, and not much had changed since Friday night. I had originally planned to spend the weekend hanging out at the pier with Axel and some of his friends, but he'd had enough sense to abandon that plan after what had happened. I had spent the past two days turning it all over in my mind, barely sleeping or doing much of anything besides sitting on the couch listening to music or mindlessly watching TV. I hadn't heard from my mother again, and I was beginning to feel a little hope from that development, but it didn't solve anything for me immediately.

I raised a hand to my neck and gingerly rubbed the hideous spot which had developed on it. I cringed at myself in the mirror and buttoned my shirt, knowing there was no way the collar would cover the whole thing, but hoping anyway. I sighed and ruffled my hair one more time before I slipped my tie around my neck, tugging at the blue-white-and-black checked fabric until it was passably tight enough. The administration never let me get away with dress code infractions. A fact which made me bitter, considering the amount that Axel got away with. But then, the teachers granted him some wiggle room because they considered him some kind of genius. If only they knew.

I grabbed my school bag from the floor by my door and swung it over my shoulder, grabbed my skateboard from the corner, and headed out and down the stairs. I turned to lock the front door behind me, then set my board to the pavement, and just as I turned to head out, I caught sight of him.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded of Axel, taking a step back and tripping over my board. I cursed loudly as I fell backwards, but he shot out a hand just in time and grabbed on to my own. I begrudgingly allowed him to set me right again while I waited for a reply.

He was leaning in the doorway, just like Friday night, but now he was dressed in black jeans, which were much too tight to be anywhere near meeting the dress code regulations. At least he wore the uniform shirt. Although, he rolled the sleeves back, left the top two buttons undone, and his tie hung loose around his neck whenever he even remembered it. Today, he had neglected the tie in favor of a silver chain with a strange charm hanging from it.

He quirked an eyebrow at me as he let go of my hand.

"I've picked you up for school every day for the past, I dunno, two months," he offered, standing up straight.

"Oh. Right..." I muttered, glancing away.

We stood in silence for a moment and I could feel his eyes on me, but he finally turned away.

"Sooo...Let's get a move on, Roxy."

He was halfway down the path before I moved. Yes, I was still mad at him, and no, he wasn't going to get away with any bullshit, but...It was a hot day out. Why skate to school when a ride was right here, right? I followed him and slipped into the passenger's seat, setting it upright. We had barely gone five yards when the car jerked to a stop and Axel was snickering hysterically.

"What?"

I glanced around and had to keep myself from laughing. Mrs. Keeley, the nosy old bitch from the weekend fiasco, was perched in the bay window on the front of her house, staring wide eyed at me, looking horrified. I glanced at Axel just in time to see him point first to himself, then at me, and then make a rather suggestive gesture with his slender hands. The woman looked even more mortified, if possible, and fled from her perch in the window. I couldn't help but laugh as we took off down the road again, and I couldn't stop for some time. Axel laughed along with me, and when our laughter finally receded into satisfied grins, I remembered I was supposed to be angry with him. I was about to set a frown on my lips again when he glanced at me, still grinning, and I couldn't help but let my smile linger. He had a way of making sure his smile and laughter were completely infectious, and even knowing this, I couldn't stop myself.

We didn't speak the entire length of the drive and barely looked at one another. I knew he was stealing glances at me, but I ignored him, keeping my eyes on the road outside my window. When we finally pulled into the school parking lot, I was dying to say something, anything, but I kept myself in check. We made our usual way to the locker we shared.

Well, it wasn't technically one locker. All the lockers in the hall had originally been full-sized lockers, but they had eventually been turned into half-sizes by way of a thin metal shelf to divide each one in two. It was because of those stupid lockers that we even had a reason to speak in the beginning.

Axel's locker was the one above mine, and with our busy class schedules, we just didn't have time to stand around waiting for the other one to finish retrieving books and papers. Initially, we had devised a solid way of making it work for us (which had, naturally, involved a form of school vandalism). We just flipped the door of the bottom locker the other way, so we could each take up space to either side without getting in the way of the other. But of course, the school janitor went on a rampage and flipped it back the right way five different times before we devised a new plan.

From the outside, the locker looked just as it was supposed to. But in truth, we had knocked out the thin shelf which the school had installed years before our time and turned the lockers back into one full-sized compartment. We had rigged up the bottom door so that it was always unlocked, and shared the combination for the top door. No one was any wiser, and we had a quick way to get to our things. Considering we had a lot of the same classes, we usually knew which book the other one needed anyways. It had been a success, and we'd been working that way ever since. It was because of the shared space that we had begun to walk to from and classes together, talking more and more and seeing less and less of our old friends.

I leaned back against the locker next to ours while Axel spun the combination with ease and precision. I leaned in to grab my things (he always let me in first in the mornings since I was often grumpier than I liked to admit), shuffling through my haphazardly stacked books and binders. As I stepped away and began to slip the books into my bag, I bumped into Axel.

"Uh. Would you mind stepping back some, man?" I asked, hoping I sounded casual.

At this remark he took a step closer to the locker so he could reach the top shelf, and I found myself practically enveloped by his warm body. I felt heat rising to my face but I fought it down and kept my breathing steady.

"Just getting' my books, Roxy," he muttered in a bored tone, as if this was the way we always did things. I didn't move again until I was sure he had all his books and had to step away, unable to maintain the pretense longer than that. I stepped back and tossed my books into my bag at last, then slammed the locker shut only to find myself face to face with him again. I heaved a sigh.

"What the hell is up with you lately?" I demanded at last, crossing my arms.

He stared back at me evenly, and for a moment I thought he would actually explain himself. But then, he pushed away from the lockers with a smooth movement, took a few steps away, glanced back at me and shrugged, looking like he couldn't be less interested if he tried. I growled to myself.

"Hey, I asked you a damn question!"

He stopped, now several feet ahead of me as I hurried to chase him down. He turned back to me and began to walk backwards, yawned widely, and shrugged again. I narrowed my eyes and he merely finished off his yawn in response, turning around again. I rolled my eyes and uttered a few curses in his direction, trailing behind him towards the cafeteria. I was supposed to be mad. But this was the routine; what else could I do?

We sat across from each other at a table in a far corner of the room. He was kicked back on the bench, surveying me with one bright eye, the other closed, his cheek resting on his palm. I was about to tell him to fuck off when my phone rang. I grabbed it quickly, knowing it could only be my mother. No one else would think to call me so early (they all had a certain fear of me in the morning hours, given my temper). I flipped the phone open and raised it to my ear, turning away from Axel as I spoke.

"Hello?"

"Hey, honey, it's just me. I wanted to check in with you again. How are you? Everything okay?"

I sighed and glanced behind me at Axel, eyes narrowed, then away again.

"Yeah, everything's good, Mom."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay...Well, I asked Mrs. Keeley to stop by and check on you later on, alright?"

_Oh, fuck, my life._

"Okay. Listen, Mom, I'm at school, I gotta put my phone away soon..."

"Alright, Roxas. I'll talk to you later, honey. Bye!"

"Bye, Mom..."

The line went dead and I lowered my hand, staring at my phone, horrified. This was not good. In any way at all. She never sent anyone to check on me unless she knew I had been doing something wrong. Not that I was a bad kid all that often. Besides, had I really done anything bad? Wait, I hadn't done anything at all!

"You," I growled, turning to glare at Axel, who was staring at the ceiling with an air of total disinterest. He blinked and glanced at me like he had just noticed I was there.

"What? Jeez, Rox, calm-"

"No. This is all your fucking fault."

"What're you talking about?"

His brow was knit together now as he stared at me. I'd never been this angry with him, and I knew he had hardly seen my temper this bad, even in the morning. But too much had passed over the last four days; too much that I had no idea what to do with, what to think about. I was at a breaking point, and it was all because of him.

"You! Because of you, my mother now thinks I'm off having some kind of fucking ridiculous promiscuous homosexual adventures while she's away on business! She's sending that goddamn woman to keep an eye on me like a fucking toddler, and it's all because of you!"

I was shaking with anger. I had gotten better at controlling my temper over the past couple years, but it was all bubbling to the surface now. He didn't say a word. He just watched me. And it infuriated me the way he looked at me; like he knew this would pass; and I was only angrier because I knew he was right, I would calm down, at least towards him. I let out a growl of frustration and buried my face in my arms on the table, trying to make it all just go away.

When I felt a hand on my back, I tensed for a moment, but gave up. I knew Axel wasn't trying to get me in trouble when this whole thing had begun. He wasn't trying to make it feel as if my life was crashing in on me. I knew that much, at least. I allowed myself a few moments to calm down and even out my breathing before I looked up at him. He was sitting to my left now, staring straight forward. His eyes were duller somehow, like he was off in thought like he had been the other night, but he still kept his hand on my back in spite of his distraction.

I almost felt compelled to ask him what was wrong but my own situation overtook me again so quickly that I dismissed it completely. My mother _knew._ And there was no way she hadn't spoken with my father already. They both knew, and there was nothing I could do. But what did they know, really, except for what our bitchy old neighbor had seen?

That's didn't matter, they thought they knew something, and there was no way to make it sound like anything less than what they would think it had been.

I looked at Axel again and he was watching me intently now, his eyes less distant.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. And just as I had known on Friday, I knew now that he meant it. There was no smile curving his lips upwards, no jeering tone. This was what he was like when he really meant something. I knew that by now, and I couldn't deny it. He was clearly being sincere, and I found I couldn't blame him. I didn't want to blame him. There was nothing to blame. I echoed my own words from Friday.

"It's alright."

He nodded. His hand left my back and he leaned his elbow on the table, resting his cheek in his hand. He tilted his head to one side and let out a deep sigh.

"What're you gonna do?"

I almost smiled sheepishly, but the situation didn't seem as though it should allow for it. It turned in to more of a smirk which was soon mirrored on his face.

"I haven't got a fucking clue," I replied honestly, now grinning openly at him. I reached up to rub my neck and recoiled at the huge tender spot. I had forgotten that. Somehow. But it didn't faze me. If anything, I actually smiled a little wider.

It was too late to worry about the consequences now; that ship had sailed and sunk like a rock. I somehow knew now that this had all been a long time coming, though I hadn't admitted it to myself before. Maybe if I was finally being honest with myself, I would be able to figure some things out. But there was still one thing that had been nagging at me tirelessly for three days. I still hadn't gotten an answer, no matter how hard I pressed myself, and I wasn't sure there was really a delicate way to reach the conclusion. It drifted through my mind as I sat next to Axel, smiling with fond exasperation.

_I'm not gay. _

_...Right?_

_

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_

**A/N:** Rewrite numero trois. There it is. Ope you enjoy, whether you're new to my stuff or a repeat offender. :]

Reviews are appreciated and always read.

Peace.

[Simple-and-Clean-Passion]


	4. Spin Around

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews thus far, you're all very kind. :] I only aim to please.

Forgive me if my updates begin to slow down; I'm currently working two jobs and starting school in September, I believe, so I'm gonna be a busy girl. But I promise to do my best.

Please continue to review; I love it!

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_-4-_

'Spin Around'

My breath came in short gasps and my body moved with a natural, fluid rhythm. Axel was in front of me, also breathing hard, but not as hard as I was. Pain started to creep through me as we continued, but I ignored it, focusing in on my motions. I ignored the thoughts creeping through the back of my mind, too as sweat began to bead and roll down my body

We'd been in gym class for about twenty minutes by this point, and I was running like my life depended on it. I usually couldn't keep up with Axel, as long as his legs were, but today I managed, even though he was running much faster than usual. We exchanged quick glances every so often, but otherwise remained unaware of one another as we pounded around the gym one last time. When we had finished out sixth lap, we slowed, walked one more, then stopped to stretch out a little. We had already been informed that we'd be having a free day, basically, which was fine by me.

We both straightened up and Axel tilted his head towards a basketball hoop. I nodded as I continued to struggle with slowing my breathing. We had often used our free days for a little one-on-one basketball, and today was no exception. It was a relief to have _something_ remain the same after all that had happened. Axel loped off to find a ball and returned a few moments later. I finally caught my breath by the time he tossed the ball to me.

I took the ball out and when he was ready, I started trying to dart around him to get at the basket. I changed my direction at the last possible moment, but he blocked me easily as I took the shot. I rolled my eyes at his impish grin and tossed the ball at him. Though he was taller and faster than me, I was much better at defending than Axel. I tensed up, prepared for his onslaught. He came flying towards me, then just to my left. I threw all my weight in his path, easily cutting him off, but he took a shot anyways. I leaped up, trying to knock the ball back down, and we collided heavily.

I shut my eyes, bracing for the impact against the hard gym floor, but it never came. I landed squarely across Axel, and when I opened my eyes, he looked mildly surprised, then began to laugh. I couldn't help but smirk as I got to my feet and offered him a hand. Someone nearby tossed the ball back to us and we resumed our one-on-one successfully for some time. A short while later, I was trying my damnedest to get around him again, but he seemed to know exactly where I was headed before I had even decided. I was finally near enough to the basket that I would have a clear shot if he would just lose focus for one second. But he never did. I growled in frustration and plowed forward, taking the shot despite my disadvantage. I was shocked when it wasn't immediately knocked back down.

I never did find out what happened to it after that, though. Next thing I knew, Axel had slammed into me full force again, having tried to block the shot a moment too late. Someone was running towards us, though I only had a split second to realize why. Their ball had gotten away from them and was rolling directly towards us. Timing hadn't been on my side at all the past few days. And now it was Axel's turn.

I hit the floor forcefully but managed to brace myself a little, in time to see Axel's foot touch the ground, then his other foot land directly on the escaped ball. He lost his footing and fell back on the floor with a sickening crack as his head made contact. I shuddered at the sound but scrambled to kneel by Axel, ignoring the shocks of pain running through my back and legs.

"Axel?" I prompted, quietly at first.

He shifted minutely but his eyes were shut. My face felt cold as I repeated his name, a little louder. People stopped what they were doing to find out what was happening. Somebody ran to get the coach and I continued to kneel helplessly by my friend. I numbly listened to the coach telling me to follow him as he somehow managed to scoop up Axel and head for the hall. I scrambled after him, every nerve in my body feeling like it was on fire. I was still pretty much out of it even after the coach had laid Axel out on one of the beds in the nurse's office and explained what had happened the the nurse. I had no idea why I was there, but I knew I wasn't going to leave for anything.

Minutes ticked by and the coach left. Axel didn't stir as the nurse checked him over or even after she had gone back to her desk. She appeared at my side with a clipboard and pen in hand. I was lost for a moment before I read the lettering at the top which screamed 'incident report' at me in poorly photocopied print. I sighed and situated myself in the chair by the bed and slowly filled out the form. I was afraid she would tell me to leave once the form was finished, but I didn't want to go before I knew he was at least conscious and coherent again.

The part that worried me most was what I already knew about Axel. He was by no means the most cautious guy around the town. He had been known for stupid stunts since childhood, and I wondered now how many stories he had laughingly relayed to me that had ended with him getting a concussion. I was fairly certain a person could only hit their head so many times before it did some damage. I was only vaguely aware of the fact that I had started the day off more or less wishing for something terrible to happen to him. That train of thought was miles and miles away by now.

I finished off the form and Axel still hadn't stirred. I stepped over to the desk and held out the completed form to her without meeting her eyes. She smiled up at me and I felt sick.

"Thank you, dear," she chirped, taking the clipboard from me. "I suppose you'll need a pass back to class...?"

I hesitated and she looked up at me expectantly. I met her eyes this time.

"Actually, I want to wait a while longer. We're, y'know, friends; I just wanna be sure he's..."

I trailed off looking away again. She surveyed me for a few tense moments, but much to my relief, she smiled warmly and nodded.

"Of course, of course. I don't think there's anything to worry about, but that's fine."

I nodded in the most appreciative fashion I could muster and turned to return to my seat, but was startled as I did so. Axel was propped up on one elbow watching me carefully, a small, sly grin twitching at his lips. I stared at him for a moment then scowled, marching over to him.

"What the- Are you okay?"

The nurse bustled over and began looking him over again, asking questions. He looked around her and grinned at me a few times during the process.

"It seems like everything is in order here...Given your history, I'm rather shocked, really," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. He smiled sheepishly and this forced another fond smile on to her face.

"Meh, what would you expect? What were ya worryin' for anyway, Roxy? You know how hard headed I am."

I rolled my eyes and he grinned wider.

"Well, also given your history, you know what to do. Come back in so I can check up on you for the next few days, okay? You can rest a while if you want, but I need to take care of some things."

He nodded and reclined on the bed again. She gave him another fond glance. I should have known better than to be surprised that the nurse had seen Axel more than most of the teachers. He was always getting in to some kind of trouble, and it usually ended with a good bump or bruise. The nurse bustled out with an armful of paperwork and I fell back in the chair by the bed with a huge sigh. Axel propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me with a strange grin.

"What?" I demanded, knowing I was definitely not shaking my morning case of grumpy any time soon.

"Nothin'," he drawled, reclining on the bed and looking away from me. "Whatcha still doin' here, Rox?"

There was no jest to his tone, no bite. I eyed him suspiciously, brow furrowed. He didn't meet me eyes.

"What does it matter?" I spat back, then added more gently, "I was makin' sure you were okay."

I hated that I couldn't keep being upset with him. I never would be able to stay angry at him; that I knew, try though I might.

He flashed me a grin and his eyes betrayed something new. Triumph, maybe? But what the fuck was he winning at here? Oh, right, getting me to fall for him- Wait, no, that wasn't right. No, no, no. I was just worried, he was my best friend, after all. Anyone would be worried. I shook the thought away as he asked what had happened, exactly. I explained the situation to him, and it didn't surprise me that he seemed more amused than anything else.

"What the hell?" I remarked at his chuckling. "You've had too many concussions to count and you're in the AP program; Hayner got _one_ and couldn't remember where his locker was or what the combination was for a month."

Axel sniggered at this and I rolled my eyes. We both looked up as the nurse reentered the room, smiling at us again. She opened her mouth to speak when the bell rang out across the school. I instinctively leapt to my feet and Axel followed suit.

"Let me get you a pass," the nurse offered, hurrying to her desk. We told her where we were headed, took the passes and thanked her before sprinting out into the hall. We still had to get back to the gym and change clothes again. With finals coming up fast, teachers were not likely to be pleased if we showed up more than a few minutes late. I glanced Hayner as he brushed by us on his way to class.

"Where're you going, man, you're gonna be late!"

I waved a dismissive hand at him and he shouted back, indiscernible above the din. I rushed after Axel as we reached the gym and hurried across the basketball courts towards the locker rooms. Axel quickly opened his locker and began to change his clothes. I followed suit, not bothering to tuck in my shirt. I glanced over my shoulder at Axel and noticed his serious expression. I watched him for a moment before I realized my eyes had worked their way down his body. He hadn't put his shit on yet and it had given me time to appreciate the strong, but slender build and the graceful curve of his hips. He glanced up at me with a raised brow as he slipped on his shirt.

"Somethin' wrong?"

_What am I doing...?_

I shook my head and turned back to my locker, tossing my gym uniform on to the shelf carelessly and grabbing my bag. When I turned around again, Axel was, surprisingly enough, neatly folding his clothes and tucking them on the shelf. I walked away and went to a sink, splashing some cold water on my face and the back of my neck, hoping it might wake me up from whatever nightmare I'd gotten myself in to. I placed a hand on either side of the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. A lot felt like it had changed in the past few days. I didn't feel like myself at all. But there I was in the mirror, frowning at myself and looking tired. I turned my eyes away and straightened up, running a hand through my hair, then went back to my locker and shut it.

"You sure nothing's botherin' ya?" Axel asked as he put on his shoes and grabbed his own bag. He had always been able to tell when something was getting to me, whether I showed it or not.

"I'm just...I'm just tired, I guess," I answered with a shrug, raising my hand to my neck. I froze, feeling the slight twinge of the bruised skin at the crook of my neck. Axel had just begun to walk from the room but realized I wasn't following.

"What's the hold up, man? We gotta get goin'."

I released a heavy sigh and lowered my hand slowly. He looked me over and his eyes paused on my neck. A slight smile twitched the corners of his mouth.

"Nothin' much you can do about that now, Rox. C'mon."

I started towards him, my thought racing again. How many people had noticed? Had they noticed? How could they _not_? The thing was friggin' huge. And my shirt collar had no hope of covering it. I glared at him and shoved my palm roughly at his chest as I reached him. He stepped back with the blow, but didn't seem surprised at all, which only enraged me more.

"Everything that _ could_ go wrong in the past week _has_, and every last thing has been your fault!" I blurted out. The day was not going my way at all, and I was bound to lose it sometime. I wanted to be angry, and even if I wasn't all that angry with Axel anymore, I had every intention of taking it out on him at that moment. He watched me levelly. Then shut his eyes and nodded with a small smile.

"You're right," he said, turning away from me, smile fading. My anger flared higher than before at the nonchalance of his attitude. He took a few steps towards the door then paused and I clenched my hands into fists, tensed and wishing for a fight.

"But even if you _could_ change it...Would you?" he said quietly without looking back.

He started to walk again, leaving me alone and astonished; my anger entirely dissolved. If I'd had time to reply, I don't know what I would have said. I could've raged blindly at him, maybe hit him and hurt him. I could have apologized and owned up to my feelings. I could have continued to stand there letting myself get more and more consumed by the situation. It was too close a call to make as to which I would have actually done. My feet had begun to take a path for my next class already and I tried to let it all slip away from my mind as I walked. But a voice at the back of my mind (which sounded strangely like my own) was beginning to quietly suggest that maybe, just _maybe_, Axel was right.

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**A/N:** There it is. I'm kind of a busy lady lately, my apologies. I promise I'm making time for my writing, but you'll just have to be patient.

In the meantime, amuse yourself by pressing that review button! : D

Please?

Anyways. Thanks for reading.

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	5. Stockholm Syndrome

**A/N:** I am not a happy camper right now. So I'm going to write. And it will hopefully not be complete bull. But I am soooo not happy right now.

Anyway. Read, review. Please.

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_-5-_

'Stockholm Syndrome'

The rest of the day dripped by with an agonizingly slow air. My friends could tell something was off with me, but they didn't dare pry. They could see that I was in no mood for an interrogation. Well, Hayner hadn't exactly caught the hint and when he had asked what was going on, I had given him the dirtiest look I could muster and hissed a few choice words at him before turning away, shoulders squared and tense. He'd gotten the message after that, thankfully.

The classes I had with Axel were the worst. We sat next to one another in every one of them. And he just sat quietly, not so much as sparing me a glance or speaking a word to me. It was a relief but it was infuriating all the same. I couldn't stop fidgeting for the rest of the day. It felt like I was trying to do everything backwards and upside-down; disorienting and not exactly comfortable. When the final bell rang I made the decision to blow off going to my locker. I wanted out and my homework was going to have to wait until tomorrow morning.

I was almost out the main doors when an arm flew out and caught me across the chest. I spluttered and stepped back, scowling. And then I realized who it was. My scowl slipped away and I stared blankly at Axel. He surveyed me with his head cocked to one side, then jerked his thumb in the direction of the student parking lot.

"It's hot out. Lemme give you a ride."

I felt like my throat was stuck. I just nodded stupidly and followed him to the car. I perched apprehensively on the worn black leather seat as we left the lot and got on to the road. He didn't try to make conversation. And like he had for the rest of the day, he didn't catch my eye. This annoyed me more now than it had for the last seven hours. We finally reached my house and I muttered my thanks before scrambling out of the car. He didn't linger. He took off immediately, gunning it down the street. I felt a little wobbly as I made my way up the sidewalk to my front door. I slung the door open and stepped inside, kicking my shoes off and throwing my bag down a little more forcefully than usual.

_Wait. I thought I locked the door this mor-_

My thoughts came screaming to a halt at the sight that awaited me. My mother was standing at the end of the hall, a hand on her hip, tapping her foot impatiently. I just stared for a moment before I regained my bearings.

"M-mom?"

I was in for it now. I was a dead man and I knew it. I bit back the frown that threatened to tug my mouth and started towards her. This was not good. She was back a week early and she did _not_ look pleased.

"Hi, Roxas," she returned, tone tense.

I didn't like that tone. It wasn't quite the tone I had expected, but I still had an awful feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach. She turned away and went to the kitchen. I followed her quickly. She was leaning against the counter and I noticed she was still in her business clothing. Her bags were sitting in the living room and nothing had been touched since I'd left that morning.

"What- Why're you back so early?" I prompted nervously, grabbing the back of the chair at the kitchen table, gripping it so tightly my knuckles turned white. Something in her expression slipped and I was confused. She didn't look angry. I didn't know what this meant.

"You didn't...? At the school, they didn't...?"

She faltered. My mother never faltered.

"Mom, what's going on?" I pressed, more nervous than ever. My mother was not an easy person to shake. Something was so totally wrong with this picture. I glanced into the living room again. My father was supposed to be home today. But I didn't see his things; only my mother's.

"Where's dad?" I asked quietly.

I hoped he was just taking a later flight. His business kept him out of town longer than expected a lot of the time. But something about this situation suggested otherwise.

"He's not coming home."

Just saying the words seemed to take a physical toll on her. Her usually perfect posture was slipping and I noticed now that she looked more tired than I had ever seen her. I gripped the back of the chair tighter.

Those words didn't go together in this context. We'd always been a practically perfect family. We had it all, and we knew it. What was worth leaving that behind for? Here we had everything; a good looking husband and wife, successful in their businesses, and they even had a smart, good-natured kid to top it all off. Nothing had ever seemed wrong with our life, not if you asked me.

But maybe I'd missed something along the way.

"I don't understand," I admitted quietly. I saw the tears coming to my mothers eyes and I felt panicked and guilty. I didn't know what I could do for her. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I knew that the things I had gotten myself in to over the last few days were the absolute least helpful things I could think of. The guilt twisted further into me. I took a few tentative steps towards my mother and she stepped forward to meet me, wrapping her arms around me. I just stood there feeling lost as she embraced me.

"I don't understand," I repeated. She tensed noticeably but seemed to try and compose herself before answering.

"It was his flight. Something went wrong and..." she trailed off but I didn't need her to finish. I finally returned the embrace, leaning my cheek on her shoulder. I still felt stunned but I understood now, whether I liked it or not. This overshadowed my fear about everything else that had happened. I didn't care about anything but this. I couldn't.

I wanted to tell my mother it was going to be okay; that we'd work this out somehow. But I couldn't find words. I had no idea what I should say or if I should speak at all, so I just hugged her back and we stayed like that for what felt like a lifetime. I could feel her shaking and I knew she must have gone nonstop to get back to me. I could see she was exhausted. I released her at last and she let go of me.

She was still crying. This was stranger to me than anything else. I had almost never seen her cry, and certainly not for as long as this. I took her hand and tried to put on a less devastated face than the one I knew I was displaying. The house was eerily silent and I felt that if I spoke, something about it would become more permanent.

"Mom, I think you should get some rest," I said quietly, peering up at her concernedly. I knew there was no way she would sleep soundly tonight. But she was a mess and I would feel better knowing she had at least had some time to lay down and relax. She nodded slowly then looked at me carefully.

"No, if you need me, I'm here...I just...I don't..."

She had never before been at a loss for words; not that I remembered. I shook my head at her.

"No, mom, I'm-...I'll be okay. I'm worried about you right now."

She hesitated then nodded again and walked slowly to the living room, grabbing her bag as she went. I trailed after her, stopping in the doorway of the kitchen. She turned back to me as she reached the hall where her bedroom was situated.

"I'm here for you, baby," she said tenderly. "We'll talk more tomorrow, alright?"

I nodded at her and retreated to my own room. Once I shut the door, I leaned against it, at a total loss for words or actions. The reality of it was starting to hit me full on, and I felt panicked. I stepped away from my door and went to sit on my bed. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to make it through the next few hours, let alone the next few days, weeks, and months. I felt strangely alone. I had always been more of a solitary soul, so to feel lonely was unwelcome and unsettling.

I struggled with myself for the next few hours, fluttering between a dazed stupor and a super-sensitivity to everything. By seven that evening, I was sprawled out on my bed in jeans and a tee-shirt (it took me an hour to talk myself out of the notion that I could in fact freeze time and find a way to reverse it), my hand curled around the chain at my neck. In my other hand, my cell phone was flipped open and on the contacts menu. It was dark in my room except for the glow coming from my phone display. Every time the light timed out, I hit a button to bring it back and stare at the name on the screen.

I felt I was about to break if I didn't hear another voice soon. I felt like the last person on the earth. I didn't want to be alone. But I didn't want to see him. Or I didn't want him to see me. Maybe it was both. I turned on to my side, finally letting go of my phone, and looked at the pictures tacked to the shelf of my desk. Pictures from long forgotten family vacations. Holidays. Birthdays. Candids. One shot showed my parents with myself, Pence, Olette, and Hayner at the nearby beach. My friends had always loved to go places with my parents, and my parents had always been the willing volunteers. I remembered that trip had been particularly good...

I shook the thoughts away. How was I supposed to feel? What was I supposed to do? I had tried to distract myself, but homework could only be stretched so thin. I had tried to eat, but couldn't bring myself to. I had been laying on my bed for nearly two hours, phone in hand, fighting with myself.

_How __**am**__I supposed to feel?_

I flipped on to my back again and stared at the ceiling in my darkened room.

I felt guilty, more than anything else. I didn't feel as if I'd been close to my father. I hadn't ever disliked him though. I'd always counted myself pretty lucky as far as parents were concerned. Mine were a good balance of all the necessary elements, I thought. I was pleased I could remember him in a good way. But it didn't feel like enough to me. It felt like things had been cut much too short.

I curled up on my side taking my phone into my hand again. I pressed a button and looked at the display which showed Axel's name and number. I had nearly called him so many times in the past few hours that I didn't see why I shouldn't. Except that it seemed wrong. I felt like I should be comforting my mother or like I should be doing something helpful and relevant to the situation. But I wanted to talk to Axel. That was the only thing I could think to do. I finally pressed the call button, sighing heavily to myself.

"Hello?"

He sounded as if he'd been asleep.

"Hey," I said almost inaudibly. He was silent for a few seconds.

"Roxas?"

"Yeah. It's me."

Another drawn out pause and I couldn't stand it.

"I don't want to be alone right now," I said quietly.

There was no hesitation in his tone this time.

"I'll be right there."

The line went dead and I shut my phone. I could feel my breath catching in my chest. I knew I would break at some point. All it had taken was to admit to someone that I was not okay. This wasn't how I wanted him to see me. But this was what anyone would be feeling. I turned on my other side to face the door, my breath coming less and less easily. My eyes burned and I fought the sensation, which only made it worse. I drew a shuddering breath and curled up as tightly as I could.

The minutes passed like hours. I didn't move until I heard the sound of tires running over the pavement abusively fast. I forced myself to stand and, trance-like, walked down the steps and opened the front door, leaning on it heavily. Axel rushed up the path to the front door and stopped in front of me, searching me with his eyes. I cast my eyes downward and stepped aside so he could come in. He started to speak as I shut the door, but I shook my head and went to the stairs. He followed without question.

I let him into my room ahead of me, and I leaned back on the door once it was closed. I didn't look at him, but I felt his eyes on me, and they made me all the more aware of my trembling and of the burning in my eyes.

"Do you wanna talk-"

I cut him off with a shake of my head.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't know how to answer that. If I spoke, I felt like I would fall apart. If I stayed silent, he had no way of knowing. No, I wasn't okay right now. I would be eventually. But at that moment, I was the furthest from okay that I could think of. I couldn't answer. I knew I was shaking more. I quickly went to sit on my bed, still refusing to look at him. There was no way to make him understand this. He came and sat beside me, cross-legged, glancing around my room. I could sense his apprehensive feeling but I offered no relief for it.

We sat in silence for a long time, me shuddering and staring at the floor, Axel glancing nervously around the room. I desperately wished I could just convey what was wrong, but I found that as soon as the words had formed in my head, my mouth didn't work; my voice left me entirely. I abandoned the effort after a while and focused on the quiet sounds of the evening. Eventually, my shaking ceased, but I still felt weak, and the emotions were pulling on me harder than before. As the emotions crashed on me heavily, I clenched my hands around the fabric of my jeans.

Axel reached out and placed his hand over mine. I finally met his gaze and something about its steady, controlled manner made me feel safer. His long fingers rested over the back of my hand and I looked away. I didn't want to stop him, but I still couldn't find words. The minutes ticked slowly by again.

I pulled my legs up on the bed and without thinking about my actions, rested my cheek on his leg. I felt his hand settle on to my side and I shut my eyes, fighting the stinging in my eyes once more. After a few moments, I felt in control of myself enough to open my eyes again. I tried to focus on anything but what was happening. I let my eyes wander over Axel. Something about him was different from usual. His eyes looked tired. The ends of his wild hair were damp and he smelled like soap and something else I couldn't identify.

He usually smelled of a sharp cologne, but now it was a subtler scent. It was like a mix between a sweet perfume and a strong cologne, and I felt it fit him better than his usual choice. I inhaled deeply as my body relaxed slightly more. I had always found comfort in the small details in life, so these were what I focused on now. Things like the earrings my mother always wore, or the checkered wristband that almost never left my wrist. Those little nuances that were unique to each person I knew. I dwelled on these ideas for a moment more before I found his gaze again.

"My dad is dead."

My voice and my words sounded so utterly wrong. They let all of the feelings flood me again with renewed force. I noticed the surprise in Axel's eyes, but he recovered quickly, which I was grateful for. He shifted and took my hand in his, nodding slowly and glancing away.

"This...It'll get better, little by little. It'll take a long time. But it will get easier."

I frowned and fought the urge to take everything out on him.

"I don't see how."

The words had more bite than I intended, but I almost felt good about getting some feeling out.

"I know. Trust me."

When I looked at him, something in his eyes made me realize he wasn't just handing me words of comfort and consolation. Axel had known this kind of devastation; I could see it.

"...I do."

He nodded at me and we fell back in to silence. I tried to calm myself again by observing the way our hands cured together loosely. I had almost found my voice again when the doorbell rang. I sighed heavily and got to my feet, trotting down the steps. Axel followed me quietly. I opened the door, feeling weak and tired. It was Mrs. Keeley, the neighbor.

"Oh..."

"I noticed your mother was home and I wanted to check in, make sure everything is alright," she informed me abruptly. This translated to 'where's your mother, I need to tell her about your homosexual escapades'. Her eyes searched the hall behind me and widened as they found Axel.

"Um...Now's not a good time. She's sleeping. There're some family issues, so..." I trailed off and my own eyes widened as hands slipped around my waist from behind me.

"Yeah, now's not a good time," Axel purred. The woman mouthed wordlessly and Axel pushed the door shut with his foot. I was torn between yelling at him and laughing. I was dumbstruck for a moment before I remembered the way Axel was pressed close to me.

"Could you...?"

"Hm?"

"Let go of him," my mother supplied.

I whipped around, nearly bowling Axel over. My mother was standing at the end of the hall, still looking tired, and now even more displeased. I opened my mouth, trying furiously to think of something to say, but everything about the situation hit me at once and all I wanted to do was sink into the floor. My mother seemed more like herself now, and while that was positive, I worried briefly that the pressure of the situation would be taken out on me.

"Hello, Axel," she greeted brusquely, lips pursed slightly.

"Eh heh...Hey," he replied, trying to supply a charming smile (to which my mother was clearly impervious).

She turned away and Axel and I exchanged a few nervous glances, although he actually managed to look somewhat amused.

"Living room. Now," she said sharply.

I jumped into action immediately. My mother was not a person to cross, especially not in the present climate. Axel looked tempted to make a break for it and I mentally willed him to do so.

"Both of you."

Damned motherly mind reading powers. Axel followed me and we sat down on opposite ends of the sofa. My mother paced in front of us for a moment, arms crossed.

"Mom, I'm-"

She raised a hand to silence me. I shut my mouth immediately and waited tensely. Axel seemed all too relaxed, but I knew that was his immediate reaction to a bad situation; stay cool.

"I'm certain you're well aware that I'm not happy about this. And that now is completely the wrong time for you to be going behind my back."

I stayed quiet, knowing it was for the best. I wished she would face me. I had always been good at reading her expression and knowing which path to take in order to avoid a total meltdown. But she stayed facing away.

"And I know you're not fond of the poor woman, but that's no reason to use your...sexuality as a weapon against her."

Now this was getting awkward. I groaned inwardly and shut my eyes. When I opened them, my mother pivoted on the spot and stared me down. But she had her poker face on. I hated that one.

"I'm sorry," I offered. I honestly felt she didn't need this right now, but the situation had been bound to come to a head at some point. I'd just hoped it could wait until after we'd had time to cope.

"It's not something I expect you to apologize for. I just expected more honesty. From both of you.

_Wait, **what**?_

The last part of that was, quite frankly, a little shocking. My mother had never displayed and faith in Axel, especially on a moral level. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw his eyebrows raised in question. He was on the same page as I was.

"It's not really his fault," Axel said quietly. He moved to stand and I shot my hand out to stop him, but he brushed it aside. My mother faced him and eyed both of us in turn.

"I don't know how to take this."

At least she could admit that much. I could sense that she wasn't angry or upset with me so much as surprised and a little confused. I could understand that, for certain.

"I don't know either, Mom," I stated, meeting her eyes. She could tell from my expression that I wasn't a far jump from where she was. She turned her eyes back to Axel.

"Axel...Why did you come here tonight?"

_What?_

"Roxas asked me to. I'm here for him."

They watched one another evenly. I felt heat rise in my cheeks.

"I see."

Something about the reply seemed to satisfy her and she stopped staring him down.

"I- I'm sorry, Mom, I know I should've...should've asked, but-" I stuttered, trying to regain control.

"I understand completely, but I think you'd have to agree that this is a little different from having Pence and Hayner, or even Olette over."

The heat in my cheeks grew stronger and I nodded slowly.

"And I can't begin to fathom how to talk to you about this right now..."

She bit her lip and glanced off to the side pensively.

"I think even if you did, you'd find there isn't much to talk about," Axel supplied with a small shrug, tossing his hands up. My mother and I both stared at him but seemed to agree at the same time that he had a point. There wasn't much the be cleared up here. She nodded.

"Well...That's that. Don't stay up too late, boys."

And with that, she strode away to her room again. I was relieved that this had been dealt with, but at the same time, I felt guilty. I stayed put for a few moments before trudging tiredly back up the steps. Axel slipped quietly up the steps behind me and when we reached my room, he stopped me with a touch on the back of my hand.

"Sorry, Roxy."

"It's not your fault..."

"I know. But I hate to see you like this."

I hadn't noticed the hard expression my face had taken on. I sighed heavily.

"Listen, I'll stay if you want, but you look exhausted."

I frowned a little and opened the door to my room.

"Just a little while, please," I prompted stepping inside. He hesitated and I gazed at him imploringly. He finally stepped in after me and shut the door. We both laid on my bed, not speaking, for some time. I let my thoughts return to the events of the day, and I finally allowed myself to break completely. I faced away from Axel, but there was no hiding my devastation this time. Even with the welcome relief of the conversation with my mother, I couldn't shake the crushing feeling that was haunting me. I shuddered and tears finally fell from my eyes. Axel said nothing. Just pressed closer to me and wrapped me up in his arms. We stayed like this until my distress quieted. After an hour, the tears dried up, and I felt like I would pass out if I tried to stand.

"Get some sleep. I'll be here for you in the morning," Axel muttered by my ear. He sounded tired. I nodded and forced myself to sit up. He sat beside me for a few minutes longer until I had completely composed myself. I pressed my palms to my face for a second then let my hands drop to my lap and looked up at him.

He reached out a thin hand and placed it on my cheek, staring at me searchingly. He glanced around, as if to be sure we were alone, then leaned in towards me. I didn't panic outwardly this time, but my stomach twisted as his lips met mine softly. But this was different from the last time. This was short and sweet, less desperate and more certain. When my eyes fluttered open, he let his hand fall from my cheek and got to his feet. He brushed my hand as he went and stopped to look back at me when he reached the door.

"I'm here if you need me," he said quietly as he opened the door. "'Night, Roxas."

I was left staring helplessly at the door for a moment before I leaned back on my bed again. I let my eyes shut and I fell into a light sleep. I woke a few times that night, plagued with dread and sorrow, but managed to calm myself each time with some effort. A few times I woke to here my mother coming up the hall and opening my door. I understood the need to see that something was still solid. I pretended to be asleep; I didn't want her to have to see me in that state. She had enough to deal with. I wanted to be strong, at least for her. By the time morning came, I had managed to get some rest, however fitful, and I sat perched on the edge of my bed with a spare hour before I had to leave for school and a surreal sensation closing in on me at the idea of going on with life.

**

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A/N:** Some people hated the whole killing off the dad thing the first time I posted this story. But I say, sucks to your assmar, I'll do as I please. More to come soon.

**AlyseNo. 15:** Thanks for reviewing so much. The love is appreciated. : ]

**Kuragari Kagirinai:** Mua ha. You are correct. He is right. But Roxas is just a silly little bastard, don't ya know...? No worries. There's plenty more where the first few chapters came from. -smirk- And if this chapter is any indication, he's catching on, luv.

Ummmm...

**Everyone else who reviewed:** Thank ya kindly. I love reviews. They're almost better than cookies. Almost.

_**Please, review!!!! I appreciate it more than you know, darlings!**_

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	6. You Know How I Do

**A/N:** I feel this story isn't being as well received as it was on it's first run. Please tell your friends about me! D:

**BUT...Yay for six hundred hits**. :] That's fantastic. Please, keep 'em coming, and please _**review**_!

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_-6-_

**'You Know How I Do'**

I wanted something to vent all of my feelings in to, but I knew that all there was to do was go to school, deal with finals and my friends, and make it home in time to fall apart again. I hated the idea of getting up from my bed and going down the stairs to leave for school. It felt wrong. And I didn't feel ready to face my mother again yet. She would have a lot to deal with on her own, and I didn't want her to know how torn I was. Of course she knew I was shocked and devastated, but she didn't need to see me break down.

I heaved a sigh as I got to my feet and grabbed my bag from the floor by my door. I tread slowly down the steps, trying to disregard how eerily quiet it was in the house. I set my bag in the hall and straightened my tie around my neck before going to the kitchen. I knew I wouldn't eat, but I wanted some kind of routine to give me a slight taste of normalcy. I paused in the doorway as my eyes fell on my mother. She was perched on a chair, a mug of coffee between her petite hands as she stared blankly at the kitchen table. She glanced up after a moment and smiled wearily at me.

"'Morning," I said quietly.

"Morning, honey," she replied. Her voice sounded tired, her eyes looked tired; everything about her was crestfallen and impossibly run down. It was clear that she was having the same misgivings about starting the day that I had been having.

"You know, you don't have to go to school today if you want some time," she offered gently.

I took a moment to turn this over in my head. Yes, I wanted to stop life completely. But if I did, my friends would come looking for me, worried, and I would spend the whole day dreading the time when they would. It was easier to simply face it head on, I decided.

"I'll be fine. I just...I think a distraction would be good," I answered meekly, watching her carefully.

I noticed now that she had a pack of cigarettes next to her on the table top. She had quit smoking the day she'd found out she was pregnant with me, and hadn't touched a cigarette since. But in a time of stress, I could see the need for a comfort of any kind. I couldn't begrudge her that.

"Alright," she replied, nodding slowly.

"We have finals this week anyways," I added, and she nodded again.

I didn't want life to just continue. But I felt like if it had to, I would try to justify it. I walked away slowly and went to the hall, slinging my bag over my shoulder again. I heard a car pull up outside and called a farewell to my mother before entering the humid morning. I walked quickly to the car and slid in beside Axel without a word. He stared at me hard for a full minute before backing out of the driveway and heading for school. It was another silent ride, but not for any of the same reasons as the last time.

When we reached the school, we stood by the car for a few moments, just glancing at one another, trying to find something to say. He finally strode around to my side of the car and gave my hand a quick squeeze.

"I have to go talk to a teacher. I'll find you."

I nodded and my throat and mouth felt dry again. This wasn't going to be an easy day at all. We walked together up the steps and into the school, and parted ways at the central hall with a lingering look after each other. I turned and let my body take me to my locker on total auto-pilot. I only came out of my stupor when Hayner's voice assailed me from nearby.

"Hey, dude," he yawned, leaning against the locker next to mine.

I nodded in greeting and grabbed a few books from my locker, exchanging them for the ones in my bag.

"What happened to you the other night, man? You never answered me."

I shrugged and he started to frown. His attitude was the very last thing I wanted to deal with today.

"I left my phone at home," I supplied flatly, shutting my locker. He surveyed me with a calculating eye for a moment before crossing his arms over his chest. Hayner may have an attitude to rival my morning rage, but he was still my friend, and he knew when something was up.

"What's eatin' you?" he asked abruptly.

I took a deep breath and started to walk away without looking at him. I knew he would follow.

"There was an accident; my dad's flight. He didn't..."

I trailed off, unable to unstick my jaw to finish the statement. But I knew he understood from the way his steps faltered. We walked in silence to the cafeteria where we sat without a word. Hayner seemed unable to find anything to say, but I didn't care. There wasn't anything to say, really. Eventually, Pence and Olette showed up and though they certainly noticed the somber mood, they asked no questions. That was fine by me. Hayner could explain to them later; I didn't have the heart to say it again. I rested my chin on my forearms, leaning on the table. After twenty minutes had passed with only quiet conversation and last-minute studying, I caught sight of Axel loping into the room. I got to my feet and headed towards our usual spot without a word.

I reached the table just after he did, and slipped into a seat next to him, suddenly feeling stupid. I didn't know why I'd come over to him so quickly. But I felt comforted by his calm demeanor. He glanced up from his bag, which he had been fishing around in for something. He set it aside.

"Hey, Roxy," he said quietly.

"Hey," I replied, my voice still sounding hollow and strange to me.

"How're you feelin'?"

"I'm...I'm tired," I admitted. He nodded sympathetically and I appreciated the notion, but the appreciation left me completely as I felt a hand rest on my thigh a bit higher than I was comfortable with. This was so not the time for this. Heat rose to my cheeks and I looked down.

Sure, I was admitting that I had some feelings for Axel that weren't exactly what I'd call friendly, but I hadn't exactly made up my mind about anything yet. I wasn't as confused as before, but he and I still hadn't had a chance to talk alone, and like I said, this was not the time for this kind of bullshit.

"Axel," I muttered warningly.

"Hm?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Hm?"

"We're not even-...We're not-..."

"Not even going out, is that it?" he supplied, looking neither amused or smug for once, but genuinely interested. I couldn't get rid of the lump that formed in my throat, so I nodded.

"Well, that's simple enough. You _wanna_ go out with me, Rox?"

I blinked a few times and considered this. Did I want to? I didn't see why not, but I didn't see why I should either. Except that at the moment, I both wanted and needed somebody in my life like that. I needed the companionship, the comfort; I craved it with every fiber of my being. And at least this would resolve _something_.

"...Yes."

"Well then, that's that."

I nodded again and his hand slipped away. I relaxed, at which he couldn't help but snicker quietly. I scowled at him, but there was no force behind my expression. Things felt easier with him here. Not totally better, but it didn't feel as criminal to carry on with my life. It felt like there was at least a reason to continue for a while longer. And if Axel could bring me that relief, I was willing to take him.

I managed to get through my first set of exams without trouble. The silence ate away at me a little, but I had something to focus on, at least. I poured all my energy into the work and when we reached midday, I felt ready to fall asleep in my seat. My friends were standing around my desk, speaking minimally and glancing at me concernedly. I could tell Hayner had explained to the other two. But since I wasn't talking about it, neither were they.

"Well, we've got a break before we have to go to homeroom," Olette observed, looking over the altered exam day schedule. "Want to walk around a little?"

Hayner and Pence nodded and I followed wearily, drifting after them down the halls. We made it halfway across the school, me shuffling behind them, when I tripped over someone's legs. They were sitting in front of a row of lockers, legs outstretched. I cursed quietly to myself. Hayner, Pence, and Olette hadn't noticed and they slipped away into the chattering throng of students. I pushed myself up from the floor and was surprised when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me next to them. It was the person I'd tripped over. And that person was Axel.

"Sorry," he said quietly. I just stared at him for a few moments, took a deep breath, and collapsed on to his chest. He seemed surprised and tensed at my reaction, but soon looped his arms around me and muttered to me.

"Let's find somewhere quieter."

He got to his feet and I followed suit. He took a hold of my hand and we slipped quietly together through the crowd until we reached a less populated end of the school. He lead the way into an empty classroom where the lights were out. When the door was shut, we sat across from one another at a table. I stared at the table's surface and he stared at me.

"You okay?" he prompted after a few minutes of silence had passed. I took another deep breath and nodded slowly.

"I'm...still tired."

"How's your testing goin'?"

"Okay. It's just...nice to have something to focus on, I guess."

He nodded and extended a hand across the table, which I took gratefully. I stifled a yawn and he smiled at me sympathetically.

"So...When we were driving around last weekend. You just wanted an excuse to kiss me, huh?" I prompted, trying to keep the mood from becoming too heavy. He smirked at me and shrugged a little.

"What else?"

"Of course. You know, you don't need an excuse anymore," I teased, smiling.

"Oh, I know," he answered; his tone cocky but his smile warm. "Things are just always more fun my way."

He leaned across the table and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I felt my cheeks burn a little, but tried to ignore it.

"So, I got a question for you," he said, sitting back in his seat. He let go of my hand as he went.

"Hm?"

"Do your friends know about me yet?"

I thought for a moment.

"Well...No, I wouldn't say so."

"Mmh," he muttered in reply, tapping the toe of my sneaker with his and watching me intently.

"Olette has her theories...But I don't think she'd think of you and me as a thing," I mumbled, more to myself. He chuckled softly at this. "And Hayner and Pence are just generally oblivious, I guess."

"Know what?"

"What?" I prompted, taking an opportunity to admire his bright eyes..

"You're pretty cute."

I turned my gaze away and rolled my eyes.

"I am not."

He leaned in, turned my face to his, and kissed me again, a little more forcefully.

"Fine then. If you're not cute then you're pretty fucking hot."

I couldn't help but laugh as he sat back, smirking. I rolled my eyes again though the smile that lingered on my face betrayed the action. I wasn't used to being talked to like this. I knew it was something I would have to get used to, but at the time, it made my cheeks burn and my stomach turn a flip. I tried to regain my bearings.

"Whatever. Never thought I'd snag a hot red-head," I shot back with a smirk. He grinned back at me and chuckled. I still felt a little uncertain of myself, but no longer did I feel uneasy. Everything about the moment was welcome; I was finally relaxed, finally smiling. It was the reprieve I needed.

I studied him for a moment, and before I could change my mind, I stood and went around to him. I sat on his lap, facing him, and he snaked his arms around my waist, seeming surprised but not displeased. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent before he tipped his face up and kissed me.

"And I thought I'd find you a nice, quiet place to take a nap, undisturbed," he muttered against my cheek.

"I'm still tired. But it can wait," I whispered back.

"Nice to know I'm a high priority," he answered, the last word muffled as he pressed his lips to my neck. I slipped my arms around his neck and he pulled me close against his body as he pulled roughly at my neck. I shuddered a little as I pressed against him. When he pulled away, he looked at me, as if searching for a reaction. I was flustered but without thinking I buried my face in his neck and copied the things he'd been doing to me. I felt his long fingers gathering the fabric of my shift at my waist and I stopped and looked at him. He opened his eyes and seemed confused.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't know if you wanted me to keep going..."

"Only if you want to."

"I don't know," I muttered, looking away.

He swooped on my neck again and I shut my eyes. I slipped my hand up, burying my fingers in his hair and used my other hand to direct his face back to mine. I kissed him and I felt his tongue dart against my parted lips. I hesitated a little. Last time his tongue had been that close to mine, he'd ended up bleeding. But he somehow didn't seem to take the incident into account here. I shyly returned the motion and found is surprisingly pleasant. I'd never thought that it really looked all that great to have your tongue shoved into someone else's mouth, but I could see the upside now.

I tensed as Axel stood, but he had a hold on me. He stepped forward and set me down on the table, pressing forward until I was lying flat. He stood between my legs, which were hanging off of the table. He never broke the kiss as he moved. A moment later, he had gotten up on the table, kneeling over me, a leg to either side of my waist. He grabbed my tie and tugged it upward gently, pulling me close to him. He grabbed one of my wrists with his other hand and pinned it to the table. I wriggled a little but stopped fighting after a moment. I relaxed as his body pressed against me, warm and inviting.

I tried to turn my face away for a moment to catch my breath and bring my pulse down, but he let out a groan of dissatisfaction and turned my face back to his. I forgot everything else and fell into the moment completely. I felt like I was floating away from myself and I could feel my pulse through my whole body as we pressed close together. Then everything went black.

When I came around, I felt dazed. I forced my eyes open and felt a grip tighten on my hand.

"Roxas?" Axel prompted.

"Ugh."

I sat up. I was still on top of the table and Axel was standing next to me holding my hand. I glanced around the room. It was still dark and quiet, but a tension seemed to cut through the air. I looked over at Axel who was watching me closely.

"You okay?"

"Um...Yeah, I think so."

"What happened?"

I paused to consider this and I didn't like the conclusion.

"I, uh...I forgot to breathe."

Axel didn't bother to fight the grin that broke across his face and I smiled sheepishly.

"Maybe we should try this again when you've had a little more rest, hm?" he said, smirking.

"Maybe," I agreed, slipping off of the table. I felt wobbly and tired, but no worse than before.

"We've only got a couple of minutes..."

"You're gonna be late, you should go. I'm fine," I assured him.

"No, it's fine. I can stay with you. Not like I'm looking forward to being trapped in homeroom with Zexion."

"Right..."

I let my mind wander for a few moments and I realized that I was bound to have a new set of hickeys to explain away. Something my mother would not be pleased about, I was certain...

I felt guilty for having left her at home. I knew she would be working out the details concerning my father's funeral. But I wouldn't have been able to handle that at all. It wouldn't have done her any good to have me there falling apart.

Not that making out in an empty classroom was a more productive way to deal with my feelings. But I couldn't stand the idea of putting her through that in addition to everything else. I sighed and brought myself back to the present as a bell chimed across the school.

"C'mon," I muttered, heading for the door. Axel followed obligingly, wrapping and arm around my waist as we went out the door. He walked patiently beside me as I shuffled exhaustedly down the hall and kept me close to him to avoid the ever-unstoppable high school hallway collisions that came with lunch time. He ushered me through the line in the cafeteria, snatching food at random (though I noticed that he was grabbing a good number of my favorite things). Once he paid, he lead the way to our usual table. It crossed my mind briefly that my friends might not be able to find me, but I let it slip away as I fell back into the chair. But no sooner had I disregarded the thought than the three of them had slipped into the seats across from us.

Axel inclined his head in greeting but seemed otherwise unconcerned with the situation. Hayner glanced at Axel and shot me a questioning look to which I shook my head. I wasn't going to deal with this now. I'd had enough for one day. He shrugged back and started to eat. I found my appetite was still on vacation, but I sipped some water.

"So, what happened to you man?" Pence asked.

"Yeah, you missed homeroom," Hayner added, mouth full.

"You don't look so good, are you okay?" Olette chimed in.

"I just went to get some quiet," I supplied, taking a sip of water. They accepted this answer, but seemed dissatisfied with it.

The rest of lunch passed quietly. My friends' brains were shot from exams, and I was just too exhausted for small talk. Axel managed to keep his sarcasm in check and his hands to himself for the duration of it, which I was grateful for. When the bell finally rang, I stood quickly and Axel followed, but Olette was on my heels as well. She grabbed my arm to stop me as the others moved away. Axel shot me a sidelong glance and moved away but didn't leave.

"What's up with you?" Olette demanded suspiciously.

"Nothing, I'm just tired and upset," I muttered, not meeting her eye.

_Damn._

Olette had always been good at reading me. And this was so not the time for it.

"Right."

I sighed.

"Meet me after school, okay? I'll explain then."

She nodded hesitantly and moved away, glancing back at me curiously. Axel strode back over to me and we walked together towards the doors.

"What was that about?" he asked, quirking a brow at me.

"Nothin'."

"You know, people are gonna find out sooner or later."

I shrugged. I didn't want to think about this right now. There was enough on my plate if you asked me. And I knew I could trust Olette to keep this to herself until I was in a better position to deal with other people's reactions to what I didn't think was any of their business. Axel seemed to sense my renewed tension and settled for walking close to me without actually taking my hand this time. We stopped at our locker and took our time there until the hall was nearly deserted.

"I have to meet Olette after school..." I muttered as the last few students straggled away to class.

"Okay. I'll wait for you here right after the last bell."

I nodded and glanced down the hall. It was empty except for the two of us. Axel slammed the locker shut, leaned down, and planted a kiss on my lips before striding away, hands in his back pockets, looking as chilled out and carefree as always. I barely made it to my next exam on time. The teacher shot me a slightly annoyed glance as I sidled in, smiling very slightly. Olette stared at me calculatingly as I took my seat across the room, but I ignored her. There would be time later.

I managed to focus all my remaining energy on the tests and I felt confident about the outcome. When the final bell rang, I was up and out the door before anyone else. I saw Olette hurry after me and I turned back to her for a moment.

"I'll meet you out front, I'll just be a minute," I called.

"I need to go talk to a teacher anyways, see you there!"

I turned around and rushed forward towards the hall where my locker was situated. Axel was already leaned up against the locker facing away from me. The halls were emptying quickly; everyone was in a hurry to get out. With only one more day of school left, this was no surprise. I stepped up to him and swung around to face him. He smiled down at me and I returned the gesture.

"You wanna see me tonight?" he asked quietly, leaning closer.

I hesitated and glanced away.

"I do...But I think my mom needs me right now."

"Mmhm, I think you're right," he agreed. He glanced up and down the hall and I followed his gaze. The hall was empty. He wrapped his arms low around my waist and pulled me closer, leaning in so our foreheads met as he spoke.

"Just call me if you need me," he whispered. His grin had turned into subtle and seductive smile. I smiled back at him.

"I will."

He leaned in and kissed me softly. I pressed forward as he started to pull away, and I grabbed a hold of his shirt collar, keeping him with me for a moment longer. I could tell he was surprised by the action, but he snaked his arms back around my waist and pulled me close. I relaxed my grip so my palm was flat against his chest and I stretched up on my toes to meet him. I finally stood flat again and pulled back. Axel planted one more soft kiss on my lips before releasing me.

"I really need to go," I said, laughing slightly. He nodded and started to walk away.

"Catch ya later, Roxy," he called with a casual wave, like he always had; like we hadn't just been kissing in the middle of the hall. I walked away in the opposite direction and strode briskly around the corner, a smile still lingering on my lips, until I nearly barreled into someone. I stopped short and blinked. Olette was standing before me, arms crossed, foot tapping, and lips pursed.

"Oh, hey. Ready to go?"

"So _that's_ what's been going on?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"...What?"

"You and Axel."

"Uhh..."

I drew a complete blank. I hadn't really thought about what I was going to say to Olette, let alone what I would say if she figured it out herself. I shrugged and started to walk with a sigh. She followed me in silence. When we reached the heat of the afternoon and set foot on the pavement, she spoke again.

"Okay then. Why didn't you _tell_ anyone?"

"I wasn't sure."

I knew it sounded lame, but I hoped she would know what I meant. It was something I was having trouble conveying, but at least it was something. She frowned as we continued and linked her arm with mine while she thought. I watched her apprehensively until her expression cleared some.

"So what-...? How did this happen?" she asked quietly.

And there was that typical teenage girl sense of curiosity that I should have expected.

"I don't really know. I guess...He kind of...Came on to me...?" I supplied meekly. Olette giggled and I rolled my eyes. She settled down after a moment and we continued on at a leisurely pace. The sun was starting to sink on the horizon and the temperature was starting to come down a little.

"Impeccable timing, huh?" she muttered thoughtfully.

"Seriously."

"Are you okay with it, honestly, I mean with what's just happened..." she trailed off and glanced at me.

"I-..."

I wanted to admit that I thought it would have happened anyways; that this had all been set in motion before I'd even known about my father's death. But _was_ I just using this as a way to vent? Was this just some kind of emotional reaction to loss? I didn't think so, but maybe...

"I think things would've ended up like this anyway," I concluded, as much for myself as for Olette.

"Mmhm," she replied as she considered my reply. We neared the corner where her neighborhood was situated. I stopped and she slipped her arm away from mine and smiled at me encouragingly. I smiled feebly back.

"Things will work out, Roxas. I know it," she said with a nod before waving and turning away. "See you tomorrow!"

I said goodbye and continued down the street towards my neighborhood. When I reached my door, I stepped in and paused at the living room to wave in greeting to my mother. She had the phone in hand and was using her best business tone. I knew she was dealing with things I didn't even want to think about. She waved back and smiled slightly before a frown took over and she started talking again. I rushed away and up the steps to my room where I changed out of my uniform into a worn old pair of jeans and a plain black tee.

From the time Olette gad left my side until I laid down on my bed, I had been fighting the urge to let my emotions fly out. I laid flat on my back and stared up at the ceiling for nearly twenty minutes, continuing to battle with myself. I wanted to go and be by my mother's side while she dealt with this, but I couldn't unless I got myself in check, which was proving far more difficult than I'd anticipated. My eyes and throat burned intensely and I felt like my stomach was tied in knots.

Tears stung my eyes and I turned on to my side with a shuddering sigh. I gave up on containing it all. I let the tears stream from my eyes and I let my body shake and my chest grow tight as I struggled to inhale. I felt miserable and pathetic, but if this was what I needed, then I would get it over with now in one shot. I carried on that way for some time until I heard my bedroom door open. I shut my eyes and tried to steady myself as someone stepped nearer.

"I know you said you'd be okay, but I didn't want to just leave you alone like this."

My breath and my thoughts stopped short at the sound of Axel's voice behind me. I tried to steel myself against the fresh wave that threatened to overtake me. I heard him step forward again and cold dread filled me.

"What are you doing here? How'd you even get in...?"

My tone sounded more biting than I had intended, but it got him to stop in his tracks. I tried to compose myself while he shook off the blow.

"Your mom let me in. I know you're not okay, I just..." he trailed off and I could picture the expression on his face; uncertain and slightly sad. I shifted, tucking my chin to my chest and retreating into myself. I tensed as I felt the mattress shift with added weight.

"Roxas..."

I didn't look at him, but I didn't deny him. I had no idea what I needed; maybe this was it, maybe not. He laid beside me and rested one hand at my waist, fitting himself against my curled up form. Something about his tone when he said my name sent a shock of guilt through me. I tried to ignore it, focusing instead on further steadying my breathing. My throat felt dry and tight, but I managed to get a few words out.

"I can't deal with this, not now. I don't want to talk."

"Okay."

That was the last thing we said to each other for the night. It didn't matter to him that I had been denying him since he set foot in my room. He wanted to be there, whether I needed him or not, and in a way, it just proved he knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. I didn't want my mother to see me like this. But I didn't want to be alone. And while I would hardly say I wanted him to see me like this, something about it was acceptable.

As the night wore on, my tensed body slowly loosened up and my panic started to settle. Axel continued to lay beside me, not saying a word, not moving. At one point, I could hear him breathing deeply, and when I turned to sneak a glance at him, I found he was asleep, nestled comfortably against me. He woke a short while later and I didn't look at him again until he left. It was almost eleven. He sat up and I turned to face him at last.

He looked tired. He leaned in to place a tired, lazy kiss on my cheek, brushed my hand softly with his, then stood and left. I heard him start the car and pull out of the driveway and I felt strangely alone, but also oddly quieted. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. I heard my door open again and I sat up to find my mother standing uncertainly in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, were you asleep?"

"No," I replied blearily.

"Hm. Are you okay?"

"I'm...I'll be fine. Hey, Mom...If you need help, just tell me."

"Don't worry about anything, baby. For now, get some sleep and do your best tomorrow. I've got everything under control."

I sighed and nodded. We said goodnight and I waited until I heard her steps fade away on the stairs until I shut my eyes again. I felt exhausted; more than ever before. I finally allowed myself to relax back on the pillows and try to sleep. I slept somewhat fitfully, but better than the night before, and I started to believe what he had told me when he said it would get better with time. I knew I wasn't one hundred percent yet, by any means, but I would slowly gain ground on this.

* * *

**A/N:** I can't believe this used to be like, five separate chapters. Yuck. Better artistic choices on my part this time around, for sure.

Hope it's not getting too angsty for ya, but then again, it's labeled angst. : D

Please continue to read and review, I love it!

**Cassedega**: Of course I do it to make you cry. : D What's a good story without a totally ridiculous emotional response from at least one person, after all...?

**AlyseNo.X**: Happy to hear you're still enjoying it. It only gets crazier from here, so hang tight, luv. Thanks again for being such a loyal reader. :]

**Kerosael**: Ha, I'm so glad someone understood that reference. I love LotF. I'm thrilled that you're enjoying this, hope I can continue to exoke that reaction.

Anyway, lovely day to all, and like I said, please continue to read and review!!!!!!

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	7. Brand New Colony

**A/N:** Wow, this story brings back a lot of memories. Not all good. But important. I'm happy to remember them, none the less. It's good for me to feel once in a while, right? Heh heh.

Just so we know, the following is uncharted territory for this story. The original posting did NOT include all of this, so for those of you familiar with my work, hang tight. I will come back to where I was last time, but I felt it was important to include these parts this time around.

Enjoy. :]

* * *

_-7-_

'Brand New Colony'

The next day was a little easier to swallow. I had all of my advanced placement class exams, and that meant Axel was always there to distract me when we had free time. I was confident about my tests, and I felt a lot more stable having Axel around. Something about his presence kept me in the moment instead of allowing me to wallow in misery and exhaustion. He drove me home that day and stayed for a while.

We were sitting in the living room, just chatting about school and the exams, and classes for the next year when my mother came in the door. She smiled gently at me and much to my surprise greeted Axel quite amicably before she went to the kitchen, spreading out papers before her on the table, phone at the ready. Axel grinned at my look of surprise and we continued to chat for a while before my mother appeared again.

"Axel, why don't you stay for dinner?" she suggested, leaning in the doorway to the kitchen. I shot her a look of genuine surprise and confusion at this. Axel just grinned again.

"Sure thing, thanks."

I looked between them for a moment before shaking my head in disbelief. This entire week had been crazy. But this was downright bizarre. My mother smiled sweetly and told us it would be an hour or so before she would have anything ready. We went up to my room, mostly because the new dynamic between my mother an Axel was really just a little too weird to deal with.

I flopped back on my bed with a heavy exhale and shut my eyes. I let out a sharp breath as Axel collapsed on top of me, burying his face in the crook of my shoulder. I smirked a little and locked one of my hands together with his as we settled in more comfortably.

"Needy today?" I asked, giving his hand a slight squeeze.

"Every day," he muttered into my shoulder. I smiled again before he shifted his weight to the side to lay next to me, hands still clasped. I opened my eyes, feeling his gaze on me and we stared each other down for a while.

"Was it a little easier today?" he asked quietly.

I nodded.

"A little. I know it's still going to be hard for me...But I think..."

I trailed off, feeling foolish. He quirked a brow at me and I shook my head.

"Never mind."

I wanted to tell him I thought having him around made it easier; that I needed him to be there for me through this. But I couldn't form the words at the time. I let the idea go, despite his pouting and pleading. He finally settled for a lengthy period of kissing and groping when I kissed him mid-complaint to shut him up. We carried on like this until my mother's voice jolted me back to reality. She was calling us from downstairs. I grinned sheepishly at Axel who had just been silently trying to convince me to take off some clothing. I sprang up and he trailed after me, pouting again. I knew he'd drop that as soon as we reached the kitchen.

We all sat at the table and Axel seemed pleasantly surprised by my mother's prowess in cooking. Sure, she was a business woman, but she'd always made it her first priority to be a traditionally perfect wife and mother. She actually tried to make conversation with Axel, and he obliged, obviously pleased that he wasn't being treated like a stray cat any more. The evening passed tranquilly, and I found myself feeling disappointed when Axel said he needed to head home.

"Don't wanna worry the old man too much," he said with a grin as I walked to the door with him. I glanced back to make sure my mother was still in the kitchen.

"When can I see you again?"

He smirked at me but I didn't care. He was keeping me grounded and I wanted him around.

"Whenever you want, kid."

He leaned close and kissed me sweetly before heading out the door. I shut it once he'd driven away, then I slumped back to the kitchen and fell into a chair. My mother had just finished clearing up from dinner and was sitting across from me. She smiled softly at me, but I took note now of how tired she still looked.

"I think I misjudged that boy," she muttered, shaking her head.

"Told you," I yawned, smiling a little.

A few moments passed in silence and my mother's smile faded quickly, as did mine.

"I don't want to ruin the mood...But the day for the funeral is set. Everything for it is taken care of."

She watched me steadily. I could tell she wanted to cry again, and frankly, so did I, but I took a moment to let the urge sweep past me. I nodded.

"When?"

"Sunday morning."

I nodded again and I couldn't ignore the tears welling in my mother's sharp blue eyes. I stood up and walked around to stand behind her putting my arms around her neck. She reached a hand up to hold on to my arm and I could feel her thin shoulders shaking slightly. I shut my eyes and just hugged her for a long time, until her hand slipped away and her shaking ceased. I stepped aside and looked at her, feeling terrible as I took in her expression.

She wiped the backs of her hands across her cheeks and got to her feet. She grabbed her pack of cigarettes from the counter and stepped out the back door, shooting me a guilty glance as she went. I trudged up the steps to my room and fell on to my bed with a sigh. I didn't know how I would keep myself busy now that school was over with. I didn't expect Axel to keep me entertained every waking moment (though, admittedly, I would've enjoyed it). But I had other friends, other things I could use to keep my mind occupied. I just needed to allow myself to get through this the right way.

I wondered again, briefly, if I was actually taking advantage of the situation as far as Axel was concerned. I still didn't think so, but I could be lying to myself just as easily; convincing myself of a different story. I firmly told myself to get rid of the notion; there was simply no way it was true. Certainly the timing of the whole thing could have been better, but like I'd told Olette, I thought that this may have been a long time coming.

The next few days passed in a dragging fashion, full of preparing to see family and making arrangements. By Saturday a few close relatives were staying at our house, and while I loved my family, I resented the intrusion. This had been our home with my father, not theirs. It felt like no one else should be there in my opinion. But I kept my mouth shut and did what was expected of me. I didn't see Axel again until Saturday night. Not because he didn't have time or didn't want to see me, but because I wanted to hold off for a few days and make sure I could handle being on my own.

It was eight o'clock when he showed up at my front door, smoking a cigarette and twirling his keys. I stepped outside and snapped the door shut as quietly as I could before stepping forward and letting my head fall on his chest with a thump. I let out a sigh and he chuckled softly, wrapping one arm around me.

"Not a family-gathering kinda guy, I take it?" he asked quietly. I kept my face buried in his t-shirt and shook my head. He finished his cigarette and tossed it aside, enfolding me in both of his arms.

"I told ya. Give it time."

I nodded and finally lifted my face to look at him. He looked bright-eyed and rested for once. During the school year he tended to be pretty spent all the time. This was owing to his habit of late nights and odd antics, school night or not. It was nice to see him looking relaxed and healthy for once instead of just so tired he had no choice but to be chilled out.

"What d'you wanna do?" he asked, releasing me.

"I dunno. But it's too hot out here; let's go inside."

I opened the door and we slipped inside quietly, heading straight up the steps. A couple of my aunts were sitting in the living room, but they were preoccupied with their nonstop chatting, so we easily avoided a confrontation. My mother knew Axel was coming by and she seemed to sense I needed a little reprieve from everything. I was glad she wasn't insisting on introductions and judgments. That could wait...well, forever, if you asked me. My family fawned over me way too much; good or bad.

At first we just talked for a while; making plans for the summer and catching up about the last few days. We ended up playing a few rounds of poker which started out innocently enough, but when Axel won a hand, the stakes became drastically more interesting. I had to admit that he kept me smiling the entire time he was there, and I was certainly grateful for that. Before I knew it, it was nearly midnight, and though neither of us was really tired, I knew he should go, and I should get some sleep. We stood by the front door, lingering in the goodbyes for too long. He kissed me one more time and smiled.

"I'm here if you need me."

I nodded.

"I wanna see you tomorrow, after..."

I trailed off but her nodded in understanding. He kissed me again and forced himself to release his hold on me. I held fast to his hand and he grinned his lopsided grin at me, gave my hand a squeeze, and slipped away out the front door.

I managed to get to sleep not long after he left, though I didn't sleep for too long. Sunday morning was both welcome and unwelcome. I wanted closure. But I didn't want this to become any more real than it already was. I didn't speak for the entire morning. I just forced myself to shower, get dressed, and follow as blindly as I could when my family shuffled into cars to head for the service.

It was a simple enough service; something my father would have approved of, I was sure. However, it became much clearer to me just what a huge impact this was. Certainly, he was my father and I loved him. But when I looked around at my family, I realized that they had known so much more of him than I ever had. I mentally berated myself for being annoyed by their presence over the past days. They were feeling just the same way I was.

We were seated in neat rows on folding chairs beneath a white canopy. The weather was too nice for such a day. People spoke in turn, but I barely heard their words over the cacophony in my head. My mother had told me I would be welcome to say something if I wanted to. But I had declined. I wouldn't know what to say. And everyone here was saying the same things over and over. We all knew my father had been quiet, kind, and humorous. I knew that so well; if I heard it one more time I knew I would want to yell. At least it made me feel something. Most of the morning had passed in a self-induced numbness. When the casket was lowered, I felt my stomach drop. That was it. It was over, and there was no turning back from this point.

I was barely aware of even my own feet on the ground as I walked with my mother to the car, my arm around her small, shaking shoulders. I knew my expression was stony but I couldn't find the desire to care. I felt sick and tired; I just wanted to be home with my mother and for us to start moving on with life. But, of course, nearly all of those who had attended the service then gathered at our house, bringing with them sad expressions and quiet condolences.

When we made it home, I slouched into a chair in a far corner of the living room, arms crossed, eyes shut. I listened half-consciously as people spoke quietly and eventually began to filter out. It seemed like an eternity until all the guests had gone and my family was on their way to the airport. I moved to sit in the kitchen across the table from my mother. She was smoking a cigarette, not bothering to move outside. I could understand that, though. She was staring past me, lost in thought. It was late afternoon and the sun was sinking outside, washing the room in a dull orange glow. After a few minutes passed in silence, I stood.

"I'll be upstairs," I said quietly, turning away and retreating. I hated to see my mother like that, and I knew she hated for me to see it. Now wasn't the time to sit and chat. We needed to separate ourselves from the world for a while; be left to our own devices. Once in my room, I changed into comfortable, casual clothes and sat down at my desk, searching the room with my eyes for something; anything. I was sick of silence. I switched on my CD player, set the volume low, and put in a CD that Axel had gotten from Demyx for me. It was quieter acoustic stuff; not Axel's usual choice, but it still reminded me of him somehow. I went to lay on my bed and stared out my window for a while, watching passers-by as the sun sank further into the sky. When my cell phone rang it startled me. I sat up and snatched it from my desk then flipped it open and put it to my ear.

"Hello...?"

My voice sounded tired, even to me.

"Hey."

I couldn't help but smile a little at the sound of Axel's voice.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Nothin', Roxy. You said you wanted to see me today, but I thought I oughtta call first."

"Mmh. Where are you?"

"Just drivin' around town. Want me to come get you?"

"Please. I need to get out for a bit."

"Sure thing. Be there in five."

He ended the call, but not before I heard the engine of his car whining in protest as he revved it. I stood up immediately and looked around my room, almost frantic. I was already in worn, comfortable jeans and a loose t-shirt. I tugged the shirt off, tossed it aside, and rifled through my closet for a moment until I found a closer fitting shirt that I was fairly certain Axel liked. I grabbed my checkered wristband from my bedside table and slipped it on to my wrist. I slipped on my black van's, grabbed my cell and wallet, and rushed down the steps.

Why the hurry? Well, in Axel driving time, five minutes is more like two.

I glanced around the living room to find my mother curled up, asleep on the couch. I scrawled a note on the pad by the phone and put it on the table beside the couch, then slipped quietly out the front door. Just as I stepped out, Axel pulled into the driveway. I practically sprinted to the car where I fell back in the passenger's seat with a relieved sigh. I felt, again, as if a weight had been lifted from somewhere in my chest. We were on the street again in no time, speeding towards town. The top was down and the breeze felt good, despite the hot air outside. When we stopped again, we were outside an apartment complex near the school. I shot Axel a curious look as we got out of the car and he lit a cigarette.

"Dem just got back in town. Thought I should say hello," he explained with a small shrug.

This actually worried me a little. I knew how hard Demyx had taken it when he and Axel had called things off. Well. More like when Axel called it off. Axel had gone through a phase of dating his friends then getting bored with the relationship status. I couldn't help but feel bad for Demyx, but at the same time, I had to wonder if he was going to resent me.

Axel herded me to the correct door, one hand linked with mine. He rapped on the door sharply and a few moments later, Demyx opened it, grinning as he stood aside to let us in. I shuffled awkwardly past Demyx after Axel, who was still clinging fast to my hand. He didn't bother to put out his cigarette as we stepped inside.

"Hey, Dem," Axel grinned. Demyx shut the front door and grinned back, eyes flickering to our hands only once. His smile didn't falter and I took this as a good sign.

"Hey, man. What's been goin' on since I left?"

"Mmh, not too much, Dem. Just...hangin' around. How was the trip?"

"I honestly only went with my parents this time because there was a totally killer concert where they were heading."

We shifted to the living room and sprawled out on the couch as Demyx launched into his usual music-babble. Axel enthusiastically listened and responded. He wasn't as much of a music junkie as Demyx, but it was the thing they shared a passion for (besides stupid, albeit amusing, stunts, cigarettes, and sex). I let my mind drift in and out of the conversation, letting my eyes explore the apartment and occasionally Axel. Their rant ended soon enough and we settled into a lazy silence typical of summer.

"So. What'cha wanna do?" Demyx asked, taking Axel's cigarette from him and taking a quick drag before handing it back. Axel shrugged and glanced at me. I thought for a moment, and while the answer was going to seem strange, I said it anyways.

"I think I wanna go to the beach."

Demyx grinned and Axel's eyebrow quirked, though he smirked all the same.

"Sure, why not?" Axel muttered around his cigarette.

"Sounds good to me. Wanna call some of the other guys?"

"Yeah. Round up the troops, Dem. We're goin' to the beach. Apparently."

I smiled sheepishly and Axel grinned at me affectionately. I had always liked going to the beach at night, I just never often had a chance. Something about it was surreal yet soothing to me. And that combined with Axel's presence was sure to put me in a good mood, if only for the night. Over the next half hour, Axel and Demyx's friends converged on the apartment. Soon, there were thirteen of us packed into the small place. Demyx lead the way outside, grin on his face and car keys in hand. We split up into a few groups and started the quick drive.

It was just Axel and I in his car, for which I was thankful. I liked everyone well enough. But I just liked Axel more. We arrived a little sooner than the others, thanks to Axel's driving. I inhaled deeply as we walked towards the sand from the nearby parking lot. I loved the scent that came off of the water at night. Something about it was crisp and satisfying. Axel grabbed my hand and we strolled on to the beach together and sat down on the top of a high sand dune. I leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my head.

"So. The beach, huh?" he asked quietly, sounding amused. I smiled to myself.

"Yeah...I dunno...I just like it here, especially at night."

He made a noise of acknowledgment.

"Well, this shoulder certainly be interesting," he muttered, hearing some of the others loudly approaching. We stood to meet them. I smirked a little, watching Zexion trail after Demyx. I wondered if Demyx had any idea, but I doubted it. He could be kind of dense. No insult intended; he just didn't always pay attention to what was directly before him. Larxene, Marluxia, Luxord, and Vexen followed shortly behind them, engulfed in some important plotting. The others were right on their heels and soon we were a noisy group again, some sprawled on the sand, others walking down the shoreline and back. Zexion managed to capture Demyx in some conversation, and Axel grabbed my hand.

"C'mon," he mumbled, kicking his shoes off. I followed suit and went with him, towards the pier. Axel was wearing a pair of cut-off jeans, but I had to roll mine up as we waded into the water underneath the pier. The water was pretty cold, but I liked it nonetheless. Axel had sloshed a few feet away from me, hands resting on his neck as he stared out at the sky, then at me.

"Know what?" he asked quietly.

"Hm?" I replied, pushing a mess of kelp away with my foot.

"The night that I kissed you. I told myself earlier that day that I was gonna give up on you. Still be friends and all, sure, but I told myself to get my head outta the clouds."

I stayed quiet as he paused, thinking. I looked up at him when he spoke again.

"And truthfully, the reason I did it anyways is actually kinda funny, now that I think about it."

"Hm?" I prompted, curious.

"Well..." he trailed off and grinned to himself. "Believe it or not, Larxene is a friend of Naminé's. And just before I went to your place, Larx sent me a text."

He paused again and I waded over to him, listening intently.

"She told me that Naminé turned you down again a couple weeks ago because she thought you and I had something going on, and she didn't wanna be your cover story. Said the way you acted around me was what tipped her off."

My eyes were wide, but Axel was smiling at me sheepishly. I blinked in disbelief before I recovered.

"Seriously?"

Axel stooped down to grab a shell out of the sand beneath our feet, turning it over in his hand.

"Mmhm. So, once I knew that, I totally forgot what I'd told myself earlier and just let it happen. Naminé was always had a pretty sharp eye for these things. So I figured I might as well take the chance."

He skipped the shell across the shallow water and looked over at me, still grinning. I was still in slight shock and just shook my head. He was crazy. He must know that. But I guess that worked in his favor, since I didn't try to stop him as he set his hands on my hips and kissed me.

"Guess that one worked out, hm?" he said quietly.

"Guess so..." I muttered, shaking my head again.

He smiled and took my hand, leading the way back towards the group, who had somehow managed to start a bonfire of sorts (thankfully legal in this case). Everyone was reclining on the sand in front of it, engrossed in conversations. Axel and I took up the space beside Demyx and Zexion. It seemed to me that Zexion had studied up on his popular music, because he and Demyx were talking music, and Zexion was holding his own. He had never really been the music type, but I supposed that for Demyx, he would be anything. Not that he'd admit it.

I settled down to sit between Axel's lanky legs, leaning back against him. Despite the warm summer air, there was a cool breeze off the water. I shut my eyes and got comfortable, just listening to everything around me contentedly. At some point later on, someone procured a guitar and it was promptly relinquished to Demyx, who eagerly took it and provided a nice, quiet background to our gathering. Larxene came to us and sat beside us, smirking.

"So, I see you took my tip," she said, a laugh in her voice. Axel smirked.

"Mmhm. I owe you for that one, Larx, I gotta admit it."

"Well, I got sick of listening to you pining over sunshine, here. I would've said anything to make sure you'd shut up. Just helps that Nami tells me everything."

It was my turn to smirk at Axel, who grinned sheepishly down at me. Larxene snickered and stood again, moving off to talk to Lexaeus. I settled in against Axel again and watched Demyx playing the guitar. He glanced at me and I couldn't decipher his expression, but it didn't seem hostile. I looked up at Axel again and he placed a quick kiss on my cheek. I nodded my head in Demyx and Zexion's direction.

"Think anything'll happen?"

He pursed his lips for a moment then shook his head.

"I don't think Dem even realizes..."

I chuckled and shook my head.

"How hasn't he noticed yet? I mean, especially when you guys were going out; I thought Zexion was gonna murder you."

Axel shrugged and rested his chin on my shoulder, watching Demyx.

"I don't know...But you know how he is. Dem's so wrapped up in his music and whatever. That's the only reason I kept his attention for more than five minutes; 'cause I knew what he was talking about."

I nodded and tipped my head to the side, resting my cheek against his.

"I guess that's true."

A few more hours passed, full of both rambunctious outbursts and quiet conversations. A select insane few, Axel amongst them, decided it was a good time for a swim and stripped down to their underwear, running into the cold water, laughing and knocking each other over. The returned a short time later, dripping wet and grinning. Axel practically pounced on me so that we were both covered in salt water and sand. I grinned as he stood and pulled his jeans back on, tossing his shirt over his shoulder and extending a hand to help me up. We went back to the impromptu bonfire and sat so he could warm up again and dry off a little. It was well past midnight and everyone was starting to get bleary from the antics. Axel and I were to first to take off. We said our goodbyes and trudged back to the car. I fell into the passenger's seat, exhausted.

"Thanks for humoring me," I said quietly as we hit the main road.

"Anything, any time," he replied with a shrug, tossing his shirt in the back seat as we stopped at a light.

The rest of the ride was spent making plans to make another trip to the beach sometime soon, amongst other things. I felt more at ease than I had in what felt like forever as we reached my house. I leaned over for a sleepy goodbye kiss and managed to stumble my way into the house and up to my room, falling into a deep sleep for the first time in days.

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**A/N:** Well, there you have it, ladies and gents. A totally new piece for this story. I dunno why, but I had to do it. Prob'ly because my cosplay Larxene and I are plotting a trip to the beach this weekend. Or maybe just 'cause it was an amusing idea to entertain. Either way, hope it was enjoyed. The mental image of half the organization stripping down to run into the ocean at night seemed very amusing to me, anyway.

The next chapter could go one of a few ways, so this may take me some time. I'm sticking to my original storyline, I just gotta decide how I want to execute it this time around. Please bear with me.

And srsly, guys. When did people stop reviewing? I thrive on being told how great I am, no lie. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. : D **_So please, please please please review more, please?_**

Thanks for readin'. Catch y'all next time.

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	8. Saints and Sailors

**A/N:** Holy jeez, over one hundred hits in one night? You people are crazy, but I love it.

**Cassedega:** I know. : D

**Chibi Lollipop:** I'm glad that there's a couple of people here who are familiar with the old version. Glad you're enjoying. :]

**AlyseNo.X:** Thanks again for stickin' with me. :]

**Moonheart37327:**Sorry you didn't have the chance. If you're interested, I do still have the original. :] Thanks for readin'.

Onward!

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_-8-_

'Saints and Sailors'

The first few weeks of summer passed in much the same easy fashion as that night on the beach. Axel was by my side nearly every waking moment; so much that even Hayner admitted to tolerating him, though he was still a little ooked out by the relationship. Most days I would hear from Axel early and we would drive to whatever place struck us and do whatever we felt like doing. We spent a lot of time with his friends that summer, and I grew pretty fond of them. Demyx seemed settled, so I felt there was nothing to worry about. Halfway through the summer, he and Zexion were finally getting somewhere.

My mother wasn't quite herself for a long time. She started to work a whole lot more to compensate for our lessened income, and it was expected that I would pick up an after school job when the academic year rolled around. But the summer, she gave me. She never questioned me or got upset when I wasn't around. She knew what I needed, and she managed to find solace where she could, with or without me.

While every moment of it was perfect and unforgettable, I favored the nights spent on the beach more than anything. There were quite a few times that all of us would stay awake there all night and watch the sun rise over the water. After that, Axel and I would usually crash on the futon in his room at home for a long nap. Those were the times I loved more than anything else. I slept well whenever I was with him. On my own, I still had a few rough nights; lying awake, tossing and turning. But when I knew he was right by my side and would be there when I woke again, I never failed to fall easily to sleep and stay asleep.

We hardly minded at all when school started again. We had about half of our classes together. Even when I started working at the local skate shop, we still had plenty of time together. Better yet, that year, my mother decided to let me have my father's car. I felt strange at first, as if I had stolen it or something. But I had helped my dad work on that car when I was younger. It meant a lot to me to have it. Not to mention it enabled me to have a little more control over Axel at times. I liked to let him lead sometimes, but I didn't always want to follow him like I was scared.

Together, we utterly redefined the meaning of homecoming and prom night. We didn't bother with the school functions, of course. When homecoming came around, Axel and Demyx rounded everyone up and only told Lexaeus and Luxord where we were headed so they could drive. We all piled into the cars, everyone in their usual jeans, tees, etc., and two hours later, we were at a neighboring coastal city teeming with nightclubs, restaurants, and any place you can think of. The group stayed together the entire night, hopping from club to club (I had to hand it to them, these people sure as hell knew how to pull a scam). We never encountered a problem getting in, and nearly everyone was a little tipsy by the time it was revealed that we we had hotel rooms booked. I was both surprised and pleased to find that Axel had put up the extra money for he and I to have a room to ourselves.

When we had exhausted our lusty, dizzy fumbling for the evening, Axel smirked at me and I asked what he was thinking.

"Just...Well, to think that you wanted to go to the friggin' homecoming dance with Naminé last year. It's just funny."

I merely rolled my eyes in response. It occurred to me that Hayner was the one taking Naminé to the dance while I was holed up in a hotel with Axel. I thought then, and now, that I had gotten the better end of that deal. After that night, the fall passed me by quickly, and I was extremely thankful when winter vacation rolled around.

It was early in the day on Christmas Eve. It never snowed where I lived, but it was definitely chilly compared to the usual pleasant coastal climate. I slipped my hands into the pockets of my jacket and tucked my chin to my chest, squinting my eyes against the wind as I hurried to Axel's door. I had just stepped out of my car and now had a small gift stowed away in my jacket as I rushed up and knocked on the door. I glanced at the driveway. Only the convertible was here. That meant only Axel.

He answered the door shortly after I knocked, letting out a yawn. He grinned at me and stood aside. I gratefully stepped into the house and he shut the door. It was warm and inviting inside the small house. We automatically headed to his room without a word. I kicked off my shoes and sat down on the futon, unzipped my jacket and produced the gift I had been carrying. Axel smiled at me and sat down, leaning over to give me a long, lingering kiss.

"Told you not to get me anything," he reminded me, wagging a finger at me in mock scolding. I grabbed his hand mid-shake and kissed his palm before letting our hands fall, intertwined.

"I know. But I wanted to," I replied softly, then added sternly, "You can't open it now. You have to wait until tomorrow."

He smirked but nodded all the same, taking the present and setting it aside on his desk, then fishing around on the floor next to the bed. He turned back to me and held a wrapped gift towards me.

"Same goes for you, though," he said, pouting. I smiled and set the gift aside.

I had been busy at work over the past few weeks. The skate shop was a pretty hot spot at Christmas since so many of the kids in town preferred skating as a main mode of transportation. I hadn't seen Axel in a few days, not since school got out for the break. And it was obvious he had missed me. We talked minimally; Axel preferred to let his body do the talking. At one point, when he was attempting to undress me rather frantically, I laughed and got him to pause for a moment, asking where his father was. He shrugged.

"Old man doesn't like Christmas much. So he's working. Don't worry, he's not comin' back any time soon," he assured me with a mischievous grin.

The rest of the afternoon passed serenely and quietly (well, sort of quietly). We ended up passed out, tangled up in each others arms on the futon, and we stayed that way for a few hours. I finally woke when Axel stirred next to me, pulling me closer against his bare chest. It was a little chillier in the house now. I pressed close to Axel and tried to tuck the blanket around myself more. Despite the cold, his body was warm as ever, so I nestled against him as he woke himself up further.

"Mmh...What time is it...?" he mumbled into my shoulder.

I glanced at the clock across the room.

"Four."

I turned on to my other side so I was facing him.

"You gotta go soon?" he asked.

"Probably..."

"No," he mumbled, shaking his head and tightening his hold on me. Then he sat bolt upright.

"Wait, it's four?" he asked, frenzied.

I sat up and quirked my brow at him.

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

He groaned and climbed over me, grabbing his boxers and jeans and pulling them back on quickly. He pulled on his gray hooded sweatshirt but left it unzipped, and ran a hand over his vibrant hair.

"Uh...Well, the old man is gonna be back soon, and I don't think I'm technically supposed to have you over like this," he replied, grinning sheepishly. I rolled my eyes and put my palm to my forehead.

"Are you kidding me?" I muttered. I stood and dressed quickly, slipped on my shoes and grabbed the present. We headed for the door.

"Thought you said he wasn't going to be home for a while?" I protested as we reached the door. He pouted at me apologetically.

"Well, that was at eleven. Five hours is a while, Roxy."

He grinned again and I rolled my eyes, but grabbed his hoodie near the collar and gave him a chaste kiss before I opened the door.

"I'll see you later," I called back to him. He nodded and didn't shut the door until I'd disappeared into my car. I drove away immediately feeling tense. It nagged at me now, as it had on many occasions over the past months, that I had never met anyone in his family, and he seemed keen to avoid it. I sighed to myself, knowing I was just being paranoid. By the time I arrived home, it was all but forgotten.

I had a quiet, pleasant evening with my mother, watching the usual holiday movies and snacking until late into the night. She fell asleep curled up on the couch, so I carefully threw a blanket over her and marched tiredly to my room. It was past midnight before I was laying in my bed. I glanced over at the gift Axel had given me and grabbed it off of my bedside table. It was technically Christmas day now, and my curiosity was driving me mad.

I turned the small square box over in my palm then took off the wrapping and opened it. Nestled inside the box were two wide banded rings; one black, one white. I took them out and set them on my palm, examining them for a moment with a smile. It was such a simple thing, and yet subtly perfect. I slipped them on and set the box aside, still smiling to myself as I fell asleep. That was the kind of thing that reassured me against my paranoid, nagging thoughts. But I would wish I had known better soon enough.

If there was one thing that worried me more than anything, it was the fact that Axel was older than me, and that he would be leaving for college one way or another in the fall. He was ludicrously smart and every single college I could think of was practically begging for him to attend. There were no local colleges or universities in our town, so I knew he'd have to leave. But he never gave any indication that this would be a problem for us. But by the end of the school year, he hadn't made a solid decision, and I got a little more worried about it.

One year had flown by in no time at all, and while there were obviously rough patches in my life, Axel was the constant thing that kept me grinning and laughing. I felt confident that I would be okay with it when he left for school, but all the same, it got me down. What happened, however, was the last thing I expected.

A month into the summer before my senior year we took just another of many trips to the beach late at night. It was a clear night, warm, and breezy. We were alone this time and I was enjoying the peace and quiet of it (Axel's friends were good to me, but they could get a little rowdy when we were all together). Nothing about the entire night seemed out of place, except for one moment early in the evening. There was a look in Axel's eyes that reminded me of an expression I'd seen in him before, but I couldn't place it. It disappeared quickly, and as usual, I tried not to let it trouble me. If he wanted to talk, he would talk, that was his way of doing things and I knew it.

We were sitting together atop a dune on the south end of the beach. I was leaning back on his chest, eyes shut, holding his hand. We hadn't said a word in a while, so when he spoke, I was a little startled.

"Listen, Roxas, I need to tell you something and it's important..."

He sounded hesitant, and I didn't like it. He was never hesitant with me. I twisted to sit sideways so I could face him and I let go of his hand. The look from earlier was back in his eyes, and I recognized it. It was like the look he'd had over a year ago when we were sitting in his car, the first time he'd kissed me. It was a look I hadn't seen since then, and I had hoped not to see again.

"I decided on a school, and I'm leaving next month..."

I nodded and hoped that was where it ended, but of course it wasn't.

"I just...Fuck."

He sighed, clearly frustrated, and looked away from me.

"I don't think we should keep seeing each other."

I knew it was coming by then, but I didn't want to hear it anyways.

"Why? I mean, we talked about this; the distance won't matter, so-"

"No, Rox, that's not it."

I froze, mouth still poised open in speech. I turned my eyes downward and shut my mouth, clenching my teeth together as I waited for some explanation.

"I can't explain it, but I just can't keep doing this."

There was no way I was going to understand this, that was clear. I stood up, facing away from him. I heard him sigh from behind me and a few moments passed in tense silence. I felt his arms wrap around me from behind and I tightened every muscle in my body as he pulled me closer. He leaned over my shoulder and I turned my face to look at him. He shut his eyes and kissed me deeply but quickly before gazing hard at me.

"I just...can't."

He let me go and I knew he was walking away from me, but I couldn't move. I was rooted to the spot, speechless, angry, and devastated. I don't know how long it was before I finally walked away. I walked slowly to my car, half expecting to see him waiting there for me, ready to apologize with an impish grin and a sweet kiss. But it was just me in the near empty lot, my car keys clenched tightly in my first as I slipped down to sit on the pavement with my back against the car. I knew sitting there wasn't going to change a damn thing. I knew better than to think I could slow it down and fix it. But I didn't want to believe that I knew better.

**

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A/N:** So. There it is. Much longer than the last time, but still short and sweet. I hope it conveys everything I intended it to.

And so you know, listening to 'Dearly Beloved' while writing that last bit is frankly a little heart-breaking. And I'm a hard-ass. So damn. But then, I get much too wrapped up in my own inventions...I am an uber nerd. And it shows.

More to come soon. I think you'll appreciate the piece as a whole, even if you want to rip my body limb from limb right now for doing this to those poor boys. Trust me, it hurts my soul. T_T

Please review and come back soon for more.

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	9. I'm Not Okay I Promise

**A/N:** ...I know this will sound really mean, but I loved how everyone freaked out on me after the last update. XD It was awesome.

**Ariani Lee:** French, hm? I speak French (not fantastic, but enough to have a coherent conversation at times). It was my favorite language to learn. :] I'm so glad you're loving the story, but sorry I made you cry! Don't worry!

**Sasunarufangirl111: **o.o I am a-feared. Please don't rip off my limbs! I need my arms, at least, so I can keep writing!

Everyone: No worries, good people! I promise it gets better. But like Axel says. These things take time. ;]

**_PLEASE NOTE:_** From this chapter on, I will be writing from Axel's point of view instead of Roxas'. Kay?

_**AND ALSO TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. THIS UPDATE IS MY GIFT TO YOU. PLEASE REVIEW. I ARE OLDDDDD. : D (Well, nineteen. 3 )**_

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_-9-_

'I'm Not Okay, I Promise'

I couldn't forget the look on his face. That night was the worst night I had known in years. Worse than even the cause of it. Worse than anything I could remember. No matter how hard I tried, there was no getting rid of that image of his face. It came to me even when I wasn't thinking about the kid. He'd always hated the way I called him 'kid'. But how could I not; him with that round baby face and the big blue eyes?

I had the sneaking suspicion that he had known something like that was coming. But it seemed like he had chosen to just ignore it and let things play out, hoping for the best. I almost wish he would've gotten in my face about those things; yelled at me, hit me, something to make it less difficult. The way he had taken it had made it just that much harder to do it. Somehow, he was prepared for it. I think I knew it was coming a long time before it happened, but I didn't really want it to end.

But I don't want to think about him...No; that's a lie. I shouldn't want to think of him, but I can't help it. I can't forget, I can't make it disappear. He was one of the best things I had known in my entire existence, and I had managed to fuck that up along with everything else.

It had been seven months or so since that last night on the beach. I hadn't seen nor heard from him once in that time and I was starting to think it was better that way. I had moved into a small two bedroom apartment with Demyx just off campus. And college life was not the glamorous time it had once promised. Early morning classes, lectures, papers, research, late nights, exams. It was nothing special in the academic sense. Sure, there were subjects I enjoyed, as always, but it wasn't exactly the fast-paced whirlwind that I needed to keep me entertained.

I had taken on a part time job at the swanky on-campus cafe. It gave me the money I needed and something to do besides sit at home and work or brood. I rarely went out partying anymore. Demyx went out almost every night, and when he did manage to talk me out of the apartment, I was usually hit with a huge lineup of people looking to get with me. I never took it seriously. I will admit, I had a healthy handful of one-night stands early on, thinking it would somehow make it easier to deal with leaving Roxas behind. But I never saw any of them more than twice. I didn't want them, and once they figured it out, my reputation as a good one-time fuck seemed to precede me everywhere on campus.

It was like I was in high school again; young, stupid, and in a different bed every night. Well. Like high school before Roxas. Even when I was seeing Demyx, it was an open relationship, at least on my end. He knew it, but it didn't change how much it'd hurt him; not that he would admit it. A few of my flings actually tried to drill Demyx, hoping to find out what the deal was with me; hoping to fix me or comfort me as the case may be. So there were a few people that knew what had happened, and while it drove me crazy knowing that, it was no more than I deserved for doing it to Roxas and certainly what I deserved for the way I'd treated Demyx when we were together.

It was early March, and I was getting by, keeping myself calm and disaffected. I showed up for classes if I had to, did the work I had to do, and worked whatever shifts I could get at the cafe. The gaps in between those things were filled by a fairly pathetic existence compared to the way I used to live my life.

I got in late on a Friday. I had worked a long shift then let Demyx talk me in to a short foray at a club, but I had left early as usual. I wearily tossed my bag aside after I shut the door then shuffled down the hall towards my room. I knew Dem would show up sometime, loud and totally smashed. It wasn't something I appreciated, but I didn't have the energy to invest in fussing over it either. I paused and ran a hand over my hair as I noticed the light blinking on the phone, indicating a message. Releasing a sigh, I swiped at the button and continued towards my room as I listened. I had barely pulled my shirt over my head when the voice came drifting up the hall to me, and I nearly fell over as I strode back into the hall, disentangling my arms from the shirt.

"Hey, it's just me. I'm calling because- Damn, I don't even know why...I guess I just...I don't know. I guess I wanna talk to you. I can take the hint if you don't call me back. But I hope you do. Sorry to bug you...Bye."

I blinked a few times before I came to my senses. The sound of Roxas' voice had thrown me _way_ off my game. There was no way that just happened. Why should it? I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"...Roxas."

Even though I said it quietly, the word seemed to reverberate a thousand times in my mind. I was still rooted to the spot when the front door opened. Demyx stumbled in and leaned against the wall to balance himself as he kicked off his shoes. I turned away and went back into my room so he wouldn't see the look on my face. I glanced at the doorway briefly to find him leaning on the door frame.

"Hey, you okay? You seem way off tonight," he remarked. I busied myself by tossing my shirt aside and starting to take off my jeans. I shrugged in response to his question.

I heard him move away, but not towards his room, which was across the hall. He was going back up the hall. I sighed and walked over to peer out the doorway, intending to be a little more accommodating. Whenever my attitude got withdrawn, Dem had a habit of disappearing for the night, and I didn't like what he was doing when he was gone. But when I peered out into the hall, I saw his hand poised over the answering machine.

"No!"

He glanced back at me, puzzled. I strode forward.

"It was for me. Nothing new, just the usual bull."

He backed up, hands raised.

"Whoa, okay man. You sure you're okay?"

I merely shook my head and went back to my room without another word. I snapped my door shut sharply once inside and fell back on my bed with a sigh. I knew I left Dem hanging, but I was too distracted to worry and I was in no mood for an interrogation. I glanced at the phone on my bedside table and my hand twitched almost automatically towards it, but I stopped myself. I tried to convince myself that I didn't even know the number anymore, but I knew that was complete bullshit. I had it committed to memory, like it or not.

His face appeared in my mind again, but this time it was his smile; which I'd known so well for so long. I remembered his perfect lips, his soft face, his ruffled blonde hair. I sighed heavily and turned on to my side. I knew I needed to think this through the right way, because all I had to hear was 'hello' and I knew I would be begging to be forgiven; to be taken back. And I couldn't do that again; not to me, not to him. I was sure this was about why I'd broken things off. I had never explained myself completely and I never intended to. But I also hadn't guessed how much it would tear me up to walk away. I needed to make a move before I lost my nerve, but I couldn't talk to him about that.

I reached over and grabbed the phone, dialing the number quickly. I lifted to phone to my ear and took a calming breath as it began to ring. Maybe he wouldn't answer. Maybe I would be able to just not deal with this. Maybe it would go away.

"H- Hello?"

I tensed at the sound of his voice and heard a stifled yawn from his end.

"Hey, Roxas. How's it goin'?"

"Oh...Uh, hey. Everything's good- Well, not everything..."

"Sorry to hear it. So...What's goin' on, what'd you wanna talk about?"

I could picture his expression; hesitant, angry, and sad. I knew what he wanted. But I had to hear it. I was hoping for a simpler solution.

"I don't...Damn. Do you think we could meet somewhere to talk? I'll come to you, just tell me when and where, but I need to talk to you."

He wasn't going to make this easy for me. I could see that.

"Sure. I have a class tomorrow but I'm out at one-thirty...How about two?"

"...Yeah. Where should...?"

"Ah, there're these apartments right across the street from the campus. C-908."

"Uh...Okay, sure... Listen, I..."

I frowned as he trailed off again.

"What?"

"Sorry I bothered you."

"No, you didn't-! I mean, I wanted to hear from you. I'm happy you called. Just sorry I called back so late, Roxy."

_Oh, fuck._

I was the only one who called him that. I felt like a total fucking idiot for letting slip. The memory of the last night on the beach flickered through my mind again.

"That's...It's fine. I'm hanging out with the guys, I just fell asleep..."

"Oh. Right...Well, I'll let you go."

"Yeah...See you."

I didn't lower the phone until the tone started to buzz in my ear from the dead line. I tossed the cell aside and laid flat on my back, staring blankly around the room. This was wrong; all wrong. But I couldn't stop it. I felt as if I needed to see him. I knew I shouldn't do it. But I wanted to so badly. It took me almost no time to fall asleep; something about his voice seemed to comfort me as much as it excited me. But I couldn't sleep to a reasonable hour and I was already in the kitchen sipping a zesty energy drink when Demyx shuffled in, still wearing his clothes from last night. I was perched on the island countertop in the middle of the kitchen. Demyx leaned against the counter opposite me and surveyed me blearily.

"Hey," I muttered, taking a sip of the drink with a small shudder. I hated the taste, but they always did the trick. He nodded in return.

"You don't have class today," I remarked. "What're you doing up so early?"

"You've been banging around since six. I wanted to catch you before you left anyway," he answered with a yawn. He gave me the evil eye though. I knew he would want to sleep in today, but I just couldn't.

"Sorry, Dem. I've just got a lot goin' on, y'know?"

"No, I don't know," he growled, crossing his arms. "You've gone all withdrawn, woe-is-me lately and I don't know what the fuck to make of you anymore."

I raised my brow in surprise. He didn't usually talk this way. Demyx was one of the kindest people I knew for the better part of the time. He usually found a way to get his point across without being harsh. This must really be bugging him.

"I listened to that message."

My face fell and I knew it. I glanced away and set my drink aside. I felt like my blood was boiling beneath my skin.

"I just don't get it, Axel."

I crossed me arms and shrugged, still not meeting his eyes.

"You don't have to _get it_, Dem. It has nothing to do with you."

"Except that it does. I have to live with you and your sorry attitude. And besides that, I've been your best friend for as long as I can fucking recall but you're acting like you can't tell me anything. I just want to understand it, Ax, if you can believe it. I want to understand why you did it if it makes you so unhappy."

I sighed, frustrated, raking my fingers through my hair.

"Why I did _what_, Dem?"

"Don't be stupid. Why you broke up with the kid in the first place. Why would you do that? Everyone knows that you loved him mor-"

I cut him off, my voice harsh even to my own ears.

"You know very fucking well why I couldn't stay with him, Demyx. Don't pretend I haven't explained that bullshit to you; you were practically there for all of it."

"But that's behind you, and you know it. Damn it, Axel, can't you just get comfortable with being happy?"

"No, I just-! Fuck. Just drop it."

Though we scowled openly at one another, I could still read the concern in his expression. We'd always taken care of one another. But lately, that was falling behind us completely. After a few minutes had passed I stood and faced away from him.

"It...doesn't even make sense to me sometimes."

I strode out of the room, arms still crossed tightly over my chest. I heard him call an apology to my from down the hall as I reached my room and kicked the door shut behind me. I placed my hands on my desk and leaned on it, staring out the window. It was sometime past nine-thirty. I felt the effects of my nerves now; felt weakened and unable to focus. My thoughts were constantly drifting away to all the things that had troubled me for so many days and nights. Why should I even see him today? All I'd ever done was hurt and confuse him.

I'd managed to tempt him into the whole thing; coaxing him with words and actions that he initially resisted. And I let myself believe that he really had fallen for me. But I always knew it was bullshit. It was easy to make someone think you were everything to them when they didn't know what they were really missing. A cheap imitation is good enough when you've never seen the real thing. He didn't deserve to be trapped by someone who had tricked him into loving them. But then, he'd always been so stubborn...Wouldn't he have stopped or left me first if he hadn't wanted it?

I wasn't certain which would have been worse; me leaving him as I had or him leaving me behind because he could see right through me. No matter how you spin it, I let him down.

I was bad for anyone I ever cared about. So I pushed people away. I always felt a terrible guilt when I was happy with someone. So I eliminated it before something worse could happen to them. It had always been like that for me. I didn't deserve to be totally happy considering what it would cost me, so I did what I could to keep people at an arms length without being a total recluse. And so no one expected much from me. They expected trouble, laughs, and a good fuck. Not much more than that. And when they looked for more, I refused.

Why be more than what they expected? It was easier to play along because it kept everyone from getting too close to the core. And the people that actually knew something about my life knew that they should just play along with the facade unless we were alone. But even Roxas didn't know that much. He had never pushed me for it, and I had never broached the topic more than once. It was his understanding that I could live in the moment and nowhere else, so that was what he took. He didn't ask why it had to be that way; why I needed to forget what had happened or what would happen. He simply drifted by my side through it all, understanding so much but almost nothing at all.

I thrived on his own recollections; childhood memories, closest friends, inside jokes, intimate patterns of thought. I thrived on him. But it wasn't fair of me to usurp from him that way. It wasn't fair to pull him into the middle of all my bullshit. But it also hadn't been fair of me to leave him that way and expect him to understand...

I at least owed him an explanation. If I could give him that, then maybe I could start to let him in a little. I could let him understand what everything I did meant. I could get him back and do this the right way.

It was a long shot, I was sure. I shouldn't even be arrogant enough to believe he would come back to me, explanation or not. He should be completely reluctant, and I deserved to feel sick with sorrow at the mere idea. I knew better than to hope for the outcome I longed for, but I couldn't help myself. The only thing stopping me in my tracks was the thought that even if he would take me back, I would only leave him again. It was the way it worked with me; always had and always would.

I heaved a sigh and flopped back on my bed, the back of one hand across my eyes as I tried to clear my head. A tough task indeed, considering I would be face-to-face with him in just a few hours, trying to set things right _somehow._ I couldn't imagine that things could ever be the way they were. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us to do it that way; he would never get the answers he wanted and I would never invest myself completely. Everything about it would be wrong.

I took a few deep breaths, letting my mind fling around for something comforting. It stopped on memories of him, of course. I had always been calmest and had always slept the most deeply when I was with him. I remembered one night in particular, though. We'd spent the entire day at the beach and, exhausted, had fallen asleep laying together in his room. When we'd woken again, we talked quietly for a while, and I moved to check the time, but he'd reached out a hand to touch my face and stop me. I had grinned at him peevishly but he stared back seriously. I chuckled and asked him what he wanted.

"_Nothing. I'm just looking at your eyes. I like to; there's just something about them...."_

Such a simple answer, but somehow powerful at the time. He rarely had moments like that; where he became so serious and intimate, but when he did, I reveled in it. I wasn't often that way either, so moments like those meant more to me than I think he understood. I had smiled at him again, but he misjudged the expression, thinking I was going to make fun of him, and he'd averted his eyes sheepishly. I quickly caught his lips in a kiss and all was forgotten in that moment.

But then I remembered that this hadn't been all too long before I'd broken things off. And suddenly, it was a shattered, loathsome thing to recall. I felt hot guilt turn my insides. I stopped trying to block it all out now and just let myself drift in and out of memories and guilty feelings.

When the time came, I rushed across campus to my class. My distraction was clear to everyone around me. It took me almost half the lecture to realize that I couldn't read a damn thing in front of me. I growled at myself, seizing the thin wireframe glasses from my bag and slipping them on, trying to catch up quickly. When the lecture ended, I rushed out the door before anyone else. I was usually the one to stay behind and pose arguments and questions (which some of the professors loved, and others loathed), but not on this day. I practically bowled people over in my rush to return to the apartment.

I nearly dropped the key as I forced the lock open and stepped inside, tossing my keys and bag aside. I frantically rummaged in my room for something that looked better on me than the baggy cargos and tee-shirt I had donned earlier in the day. I tugged on a pair of worn, ripped, tight black jeans and a zip-up sweatshirt (not bothering to put on a shirt underneath). I leaned into Demyx's doorway to find him gone and sighed.

I'd had a feeling he would disappear today, though he didn't know Roxas was coming. I tried to tidy up the living room a little then surveyed the sad stock in our refrigerator. Beer and drunk munchies. It occurred to me that we didn't exactly have a balanced diet going on here, but that was a problem for another day. I shrugged to myself and grabbed a beer before going to sit anxiously on the couch. I lunged for the phone as it rang, setting the beer aside.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hey. I need to get in the gate..."

"Sure thing. See you in a few."

I punched in the numbers and put the phone back on the base, more anxious than ever. I forced back a few gulps of the beer with a shudder. It wasn't my brand, it was Dem's, but I wanted something to calm my nerves. When I heard a knock at the door I leapt up, collected myself, and opened it, smiling in what I hoped was a casual and appealing manner.

"Hey."

That was all I managed before my eyes took over, trailing all over his form. Could so much have changed in such a short time? Or had I just failed to notice these things when I spent every moment with him?

He was definitely taller, though still nowhere near my towering height. His face had gotten a little more defined, though it was still the same soft, round face it had been. He looked a little more muscular, but more sinewy than bulky. I had to remind myself that I couldn't snatch him up in an embrace, as much as I yearned to explore this new version of him. I snapped back to reality.

"Come on in," I offered, standing aside. His eyes flickered hesitantly before he stepped inside and followed me to sit in the living room.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I never got this crazy, especially over a relationship, past or present. It shook me knowing that he still had such an effect on me. I just wished he looked like he felt as wigged out as I did. He perched tensely on an armchair and I reclined on the couch, trying to keep a poker face.

"So, what's new?"

"Not much, really...You were right about senior year, though. It's too easy."

I nodded and reached for my beer, taking a long drink as I tried to work out where to take the conversation.

"Everyone doin' alright?"

"Yeah. Mostly busy. We're lucky to see Hayner at all anymore."

"He still with Nam?"

"Yeah, definitely."

I smirked at the way he rolled his eyes as he said this. Hayner and Naminé were not what one would call discreet, and I remembered that. As my smirk faded, we fell into an uncomfortable silence and I took another drink. His eyes went anywhere but to me, while I couldn't take my eyes off of him; still adjusting to how different he looked.

"So...What'd you want to talk about?" I prompted, bracing myself. I was invariably torn between ignoring my feelings, jumping him where he sat, or begging him to take me back. I hoped it didn't show.

"Well...I guess I've just been thinking a lot lately...About us."

"And?"

"I just want to know why things ended like they did."

Well, he wasn't wasting any time. He had a hard but hurt look in his eyes, though his face maintained a calm expression. I sighed and ran a hand over my hair, glancing away.

"Well, what exactly do you wanna know?" I asked, trying to keep it cool. I leaned my cheek on my fist and realized I was still wearing my glasses. I smirked in spite of the mood and slipped them off. I saw him quirk his brow at me and I shrugged. I had never used my glasses in high school but the more I had to do now, the worse my vision got if I didn't use them. I set them aside and watched him intently, waiting for a reply.

"I know you don't like to talk about it, or can't or whatever it is. But I kept thinking...Your family. I couldn't help but think maybe something happened with your family and that was why you...Canged your mind."

Delicate way to put it, I had to admit. The way he looked at me now made it clear that my expression was no longer cool and collected. He was looking at me the way you look at a homeless animal that's not really all that cute but you feel bad for it anyways, because it's homeless.

"Yeah...Uh. That may have been part of it, yeah..."

"Right..."

Our eyes met for a moment and I was torn again between running away and jumping his bones. I mentally shook myself and finished off the beer, setting the empty bottle aside heavily. I tried to regather my thoughts before I spoke again.

"Listen, Roxas. I'm-...I was bad for you. That's just the way it is; I'm bad for everyone."

His eyes narrowed.

"How the hell do you figure?" he asked, quietly but somewhat demanding. I knew he wanted answers. I had them, but could I give them? I wasn't so sure. If I gave him answers and he left me alone, I couldn't handle it. But if I gave him answers and he stayed...

"There's just a lot more to it than you understand."

"I would try to understand if you would fucking tell me."

I was taken aback by his anger. But I knew better. He was hurting, not angry. It was always easier to default to being pissed off. And while he had every right to be angry with me as well as hurt, I could tell from his expression that it simply wasn't the case. I sighed and sat up, leaning my forearms on my legs and staring at the floor.

"You asked for it, kid," I muttered. He didn't reply. A tense, silent moment passed between us again as I tried to figure out how to begin.

"Alright... I didn't always live with my father. Fuck, he's not even my father...My parents took off when I was really young and they left me with him; saying he was a friend of my mother. I mean, they did come and see me, a lot at first. But they never came together, and I never understood it. Eventually, my real father stopped showing up all together, but not before he let slip that the guy they dumped me on was actually his younger brother. When my parents split up, they decided it was easier to just pass me off because I was so young. It was easier to just eliminate the problem. My mother kept coming to see me, and she tried to keep it together for as long as she could, but she never quite managed."

I paused here, trying to keep myself on track. My mind was racing in a thousand different directions. My throat felt dry and cracked. I didn't look at Roxas as I spoke.

"She mostly came by, towards the end, because she needed a place to crash, or she needed some money. And the old man kept giving her whatever she wanted. When I finally asked about it a couple years back, he told me he was in love with her and had been since before she'd married my real father. But he'd never stand up to my real father; he never had. He actually felt guilty about having feelings for her, even when my father made it all too clear that he hated her. None of it added up to me, but I just dealt with it and kept living.

"My uncle was always good to me. Never laid a hand on me, never yelled. He bought me whatever I needed, and the things I wanted. He played with me when I was younger and he humored me when I started causing trouble around town. I couldn't have asked for a better person to look after me, honestly. But my parents made me feel guilty about being happy to have him. My father especially resented the fact that I was always happy with him. Happier than I would've ever been if I'd stayed with either of my parents. Even though they were the ones who had left me behind.

"That guilt carried over into every other part of my life later. Yeah, I was happy with my situation, but I couldn't help the guilt it made me feel. I started to feel worse and worse every time I was happy. If even the guy that practically raised me shouldn't make me happy, why should anyone or anything else? Sure, I put on the act at school and around town; cool, collected, sarcastic, whatever. But once I was home, I dropped it."

Roxas opened his mouth to speak, looking more hurt, and I cut him off, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"No, I was never pretending with you. And that was what got to me. The minute I met you, I felt happier than I had in such a long time...And I didn't know what to do about it, because half the time, I couldn't even remember to feel guilty for being happy. I know it's fucked up. But that's the way it was. Things had taken a turn for the worst.

"My mother showed up for the first time in a couple of years, but all she did was insult my uncle, beat the living daylights out of me, take some money, and leave again. She told us she hated me for holding her back and she hated him for not standing up to my father. She hated us because we made her life everything she never wanted. That was the last time I saw her; I was fourteen. My uncle completely fell apart. He was hardly living anymore, really. Just going through the motions. And I wasn't far from that. But when I met you, I found myself feeling so many good things that I had almost forgotten, and because I could put myself back together, I tried to get him to put his life back together too.

"At first, he'd just ignore me or tell me I didn't know what I was talking about. He told me that there was no point in investing love in someone else, because it ended so badly, no matter what. That was an ideal I was more or less raised on, but I resisted it at the time. I just kept pushing, hoping things were going to turn around."

I paused again, trying to gauge his reaction so far. I knew it all sounded so completely fucked, but it was all I could say. It was the truth, and there was no way around it.

"My father showed up last year in the spring. He came to apologize to me for everything; said he had a family, a new life, and that he felt like shit about what had happened. He asked what happened to my mother, and I told him she was dead. That was easier to tell him than the truth. I didn't want to explain that she had more or less gone crazy and that it was his fault; my fault. But he blamed me; said he knew I drove her to her grave. As many times as I'd heard him say he hated her when I was a kid, it didn't matter to him then. He completely lost it on me. I fought him off for a long time before my uncle showed up and got me out of the house so he could deal with him on his own.

"Just before that, my uncle had finally been doing better. He was happy again; he was talking again; sleeping, enjoying life. But I was sure this was going to break him again. Everyone I cared about got fucked over in the end because of me. Just because I exist...I bet you didn't have a clue....But I came to you that night, like I did all the time. And the next day was the day I broke things off."

I stopped and took a deep breath, hoping it made sense. I glanced up to find that Roxas looked a little mortified by his own ignorance. Well, it wasn't ignorance. He couldn't have known. I wouldn't let him. I steadied myself.

"So...Like I said, I'm bad for you. For everyone."

His icy stare bore into me and I averted my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

I'd gotten this far, no point in lying now.

"I assumed you either wouldn't care or that you'd hate me. My family hated me for it. Most people just didn't give a fuck. It's too much to expect someone else to pick up the mess that I made. I never expected it of anyone else, so why should I expect it of you?"

"Because-!"

He stopped himself and I was startled by the intense flare of emotion that flashed in his eyes. I closed his eyes for a moment and sighed.

"What, because why? I shouldn't expect that from anyone."

"Never mind, it was stupid."

I watched him silently for a few moments. He looked hurt and angry again. I hated seeing him like that. I hated knowing it was my fault. And I hated myself a little for what I did next. I stood fluidly and stood in front of him, lifting his face, my fingertips on his chin, so he had to meet my eyes.

"You know...I didn't leave because I didn't love you."

He turned his eyes away. I dropped to my knees in front of the chair and took both of his hands, pleadingly staring up at him.

"I left because I _did._ And I know it so fucking messed up, but I was afraid. Completely fucking terrified."

He shook his head and turned his eyes to the floor. I continued to watch him carefully, hopefully. I had to know what he was thinking before I could do anything. He cradled his head in his hands and didn't meet my eyes as he spoke.

"You could've told me. Because...I love you. But every time you've said you love me you've been talking in the past tense, so I can take the fucking hint, Axel."

That threw me completely off. How could he even think that? There was no way I had ever stopped feeling so strongly about him. I loved him before he knew it, all the while when we were together, and I loved him now, maybe even more than before. But that was how things worked when you couldn't get what you wanted. Even if it was my own damn fault, it still felt miserable.

"There is no hint to take," I said, barely above a whisper. He finally looked at me and his expression hurt me more than anything. It was so close to the night I left him; I didn't think I could take it anymore, I had to do _something_.

I furrowed my brow and made a rash decision right then. I took a hold of his wrists and leaned up to kiss him. He shrank against the back of the chair but I pressed firmly forward, closing my eyes and making it last for all it was worth. He was tense, but quivering. Like he always had when he was holding himself back. I finally tore myself away and opened my eyes, gazing evenly at him, despite the mixture of confusion, fear, and wonder that mingled together in his eyes.

"You can go ahead and hate me for that. But I love you."

**

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A/N:** There you have it, ladies and gents (though as usual, I'm not sure I actually have male readers XD ). A much more solid rewrite if you ask me. Indeed.

Thanks again to those who review faithfully at every turn. I really appreciate it a ton. And even just the hit count is amazing, guys, seriously.

More to come; plenty more. And I may have a surprise for y'all. Still weighing my options, however.

In the meantime, peace and love. WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'M GONNA PARTY HARDY!

I'm off to Hooters now. Have a lovely day, ladies and gentlemen. :]

[Simple-and-Clean-Passion]


	10. Don't Tell Me It's Over

**A/N:** Here we go. Sorry it took me a horrendously long time to update. I just got my first apartment, so I've been hella busy. Bear with me, please!

Thanks again to the Dreaditor, AKA, my sister/roomie/cosplay buddy/awesomesauce.

Oh. Also, I just got back from a convention, so I've been really really busy. XP

Anywho. PLEASE REVIEW, FOLKS! I know, I know. It can be a hassle, but I love to hear from you, and I lose the motivation to continue if I'm only getting one or two responses per chapter, and those from people who previewed the chapters before I finished and posted them!

Much love! ONWARD!

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_-10-_

'Don't Tell Me It's Over'

I don't know what I expected to happen. I guess, given the way things had begun between us, I thought that it was just that easy to restart. But where could we begin? Would he even want to see me again after that? I couldn't be sure. But I knew I'd been fucking up for a long time now. There was no getting around that. What if I told him? Would it make a difference?

The first night after Demyx and I had settled into our apartment, we'd made a quick trip to the liquor store and loaded up with everything we could carry, then traipsed back to the apartment. We had lounged in the living room for hours, drinking, laughing, talking. After three hours or so, I was way past buzzed, and Dem had been smashed long before I'd begun to feel the effects. We'd somehow wound up tangled up on the floor exchanging sloppy kisses and running our hands all over one another like we used to.

I'd known at the time that it was the last thing I should have done. I wasn't over Roxas. And Demyx wasn't over me. He'd tried to pursue a relationship with Zexion, but he'd dumped him shortly thereafter. We both knew it was a stupid thing to do, but at the time, nothing seems easier than fucking your best friend on the living room floor, drunk out of your mind with the whole world at your feet. The next morning isn't as easy. But it happened anyways, and more than once.

A few times, I'd bedded down with some of Dem's partying pals, and he'd been none too pleased about it. He'd never say anything, but I could tell from the look on his face as I practically chased them out of the apartment in the morning. Ever since we'd arrived in the little college town, there had been a string of one-night stands for me, and drinking binges for Demyx. Obviously not the healthiest pattern of behavior. But it allowed us to avoid the issue long enough. Until now; because my issue was sitting in front of me, eyes wide and furious.

When he tore his eyes away from me, I realized the actuality of the situation. I had made a mistake, and I had fucked up yet again. I couldn't fix everything with kissing and fucking; convenient though it may be. I had let my hands rest on his knees as I leaned back to look at him, but I slipped them away now, feeling more stupid than ever.

"Hey...That- Fuck. Roxas, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

He shook his head, incredulous for a moment. He regained his composure and stared me dead in the eye.

"No, you shouldn't have," he said, voice trembling quietly. "Because now I'm more confused than ever."

I frowned and knit my brow in confusion, turning my eyes to the floor as he looked at me again. It was a little ironic that I was hosting the confused expression now while he sat in front of me, totally dead-pan, admitting he was confused. I leaned back in my crouch, afraid of crowding him. I nearly toppled over as he stood and brushed past me, heading straight for the door. I rushed to me feet, wanting so badly to stop him but uncertain if it was the right thing to do.

I felt my heart leap unpleasantly to my throat as he walked out the door and slammed it shut. I broke my daze and hurried to the door, looking out at his quickly retreating figure; already halfway across the parking lot. I stared out long after he had gone, feeling more than lost. It took me fifteen minutes to shake myself out of my stunned confusion.

"...Fuck. _Fuck._"

I growled at myself as I leaned back on the door and slid down to sit on the pavement. I tipped my head back and cursed myself a few more times, then slipped a cigarette from the pack in my pocket, lighting it with a slow, distracted motion. I took in a long drag; long enough to make my throat burn desperately, then exhaled heavily. I shut my eyes and leaned my head back again, losing myself completely for the moment."

I should have known better. I should have known he would run from me like that. I shouldn't have entertained the idea of some wonderful reunion. I should have let things slip away again with a few diverting remarks and smooth comments. I could've done it differently, that was for sure. But I hadn't, and I had probably fucked over my chances for good.

But what had he meant? More confused than ever? What was left to be confused about? I had given him the answers he'd always wanted. I'd let him in on the big fucking secret that was my life. I'd told him _why_ things had gone the way they did. I had done as he asked. And yet I was sitting alone outside my apartment, banging the back of my head against the door and smoking one cigarette after another.

I only came out of my stupor again when Demyx prodded me with the toe of his shoe. He asked me what happened; what was wrong. But I didn't answer him, and he didn't press his luck this time. I stood and moved aside so he could get into the apartment. By then it was dark. But I didn't care. I entered the apartment, only for a moment, to grab my keys and another pack of smokes. Then I walked out again with every intention of going to a club, getting completely and totally plastered, and getting fucked 'til I couldn't walk.

I didn't want anything good. I just wanted something to knock me down for the night. And this would do it. Just as I hit the top of the stairs, someone grabbed my wrist and stopped me. I whirled around to find Demyx staring me down, fingers curled around my wrist. He shook his head at me and I set a grimace on my face. He shook his head again and with a frustrated sigh, I allowed him to pull me back into the apartment. He dragged me to the living room where I threw myself back on the couch, arms crossed, frown set determinedly. He disappeared for a moment and came back with two bottles of beer. He handed one to me and I begrudgingly took it as he sat down at surveyed me carefully.

This day was nothing that I'd hoped it would be. I told myself for the hundredth time that I should have known better. But I still didn't want to know better. I still wanted it to turn out the way I had hoped. I hated everything about it.

"I really don't get it..."

I looked up at his mumbled statement and narrowed my eyes.

"I told you. You don't have to understand a fucking second of it. It's none of your business."

He looked me over warily.

"Oh really? It's none of my business when my best friend is miserable? I haven't seen that look on your face in a long time. And the only problem this time is that there isn't a damn thing I can do for you."

I kept my mouth shut now, afraid I would say something cruel but also refusing to acknowledge him. It was definitely true that he'd been there for me. And he'd pulled me out of a bad spot, for sure. But we were fourteen. I could've fallen for anyone at any time then. I hated that it had been him. I'd never meant to hurt him. But that's the way it happened. Sure, we had a good run, and he put me on the right track again, but this was different from then. This wasn't something he could fix, he was right about that. And I didn't want anyone to fix it. I wanted to fix it myself. I tipped the bottle to my lips and drank heavily for a few moments, ignoring his sigh. He took a sip of his beer and shook his head at me again.

"Listen, Ax...I don't know what you need. I don't think it's anything from me. But I'm not gonna let you go out and get fucked up. I've seen you there. I'm not letting it happen again."

I pretended I wasn't listening again.

"Just...Stay here tonight, please. I'll give you whatever the fuck you ask for, do whatever you need me to do, call whoever you need me to call. But don't go out there and completely fuck yourself over again. Just don't."

I wanted to roll my eyes. I wanted to retort viciously. All he'd done since we started school was party and spend the night with strangers. And he'd be the first to admit that it was because I wouldn't be with him again. Yet here he was. Telling me to stay in. To be good. To take care of myself. Still...I owed him _something_. I tossed the rest of the beer back.

"Fine. Whatever."

He nodded in approval and drained his beer as well before taking both empty bottles back to the kitchen. He returned with each of our favorite liquors and two shot glasses in hand.

"I know this is what you were gonna do if you went out. But may as well do it here."

I shrugged but accepted the shot he poured for me after he settled on the armchair nearby. It carried on this way for the next hour or more. One of us turned music on at some point, although the details aren't really clear to me now. I found myself sprawled on the armchair, and Demyx was stretched out on the living room floor, one arm thrown across his brow, the other tossed over his hips. I poured another round and handed him a glass. He nearly dropped the glass and chuckled as he gained his grip and sat up to drink.

"So, seriously, Axel...What'd you do to the kid this time?"

I had a hard time mustering up the energy for anger at this point. I shrugged my shoulders at him and tossed back the shot while I searched for an answer.

"I told him the truth. Then I fucked up."

"...Wait. What?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed as he set the shot glass on the table and flopped back on to the floor.

"It was stupid...I'll figure it out. But not now."

I slipped off the chair on to the floor next to him and poured two more shots. We threw them back in tandem and set the glasses aside.

"...Fuck. I'm really drunk."

I laughed at his remark. He'd always been more of a lightweight than me. I knew he'd been smashed for a little while now. If I was feeling this light, then he was definitely gone. I readjusted so I was laying beside him on the soft rug. He turned on his side to look at me and shook his head again.

"Jesus, stop with that, would ya?" I grumbled, shoving his shoulder. He thudded on to his back again and chortled. I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless as he struggled to face me. We lay on the floor for some time, sharing a few more drinks and chatting idly. It was past midnight and we were still sprawled on the floor, growing tired, but feeling good.

Demyx sat up and reached across me to grab another drink. I let my eyes wander over him for a brief moment and I remembered one of the things I'd adored about him... As he started to settled back again, shot in hand, I leaned up and kissed him. I heard the glass tumble to the floor, but he didn't resist. I smirked into the kiss as he rushed to meet me, pressing close, eyes shut. I easily shifted my weight to trap him beneath me.

He had always let me take charge. He liked it that way; it was what he wanted. It had been different with Roxas. He would fight me sometimes. He wanted it; I wouldn't have forced him into anything. But he liked to do things on his terms. I'd loved and hated that more than anything about him. I loved it when he challenged me, but loved it more when he gave in to the moment...

Demyx tried to bring my attention back to him; his hand cradling my face. I grabbed his wrists and pinned them over his head without breaking the kiss. I could feel him straining towards me as I started to back off a little. When the kiss ended, he opened his eyes. I could tell he didn't have his wits about him. But neither did I. I didn't give a fuck. Nothing was important in that moment, except for doing what felt good; not what felt right.

We somehow managed to stumble to his room, still tangled together. We crashed down on the bed, as familiar to me as my own after so long. Our clothing was a struggle, but it came off in a hurry. The whole thing was sloppy and rushed, but exactly what I wanted at that moment. I loved hearing _someone_ call my name; knowing _someone_ wanted me. I was thriving on the control I had. I could take it however fast or slow I wanted. I could torture him. I could take him sky-high in an instant. It was all in my control.

By the time we collapsed, still entangled and panting, neither of us was any more sober for it. I let myself catch my breath for a moment before I clumsily kissed Demyx again and climbed out of bed. I tugged on my boxers and my jeans and rifled through the discarded clothing for my cigarettes and a lighter. Demyx reached out and grabbed a belt loop on my jeans to stop me as I stepped away.

"Where're you going?" he mumbled. I knew he would pass out soon enough. I leaned over and kissed him chastely before straightening up and placing a cigarette between my lips.

"Just going for a smoke."

"Well come back to bed when you're done..."

I didn't reply as I went out the door. He would fall asleep while I was outside and then I would shower and go back to my own bed. I couldn't turn this into what he wanted. He wanted me to sleep next to him, maybe hold him all night, and wake up together in the morning, surprised, but pleased. It wasn't going to be like that. It couldn't happen that way. I didn't want it that way, and what we had done was bad enough already.

I leaned against the door once I got outside and lit up a cigarette, taking a long, hard drag. I released the breath slowly, watching the smoke curl in hues of blue out and away from me. I ran a hand over my hair and closed my eyes as I took another drag. I still felt dizzy and drunk, but now I felt like shit. I knew better. I always knew better. So why didn't I pay attention to what I knew...?

When I went back inside, I had smoked three cigarettes and my throat burned. I didn't usually smoke so much. But I wanted something to stop my hands from shaking. I moved soundlessly down the hall and peered into Dem's room. He was fast asleep, curled to one side, obviously still expecting that I would be back. I turned away and went to my room, stripped off my clothing and fell into bed, but didn't fall asleep right away.

The light on my cell phone was flashing feebly from the bedside table. I rolled over and snatched it, opening the new message I'd received. I growled, irritated with myself as I saw Roxas' name. I sighed heavily as I read the message.

_'Hey. I didn't mean to freak out. I needed to think. When can we talk again?'_

I picked my brain for a moment before tapping out a message in reply.

'_I'm all clear for the day. As soon as you want, Rox.'_

I sent the message and turned over, guilt engulfing me rapidly. I tried to stave it off to no avail. I knew I hadn't really done anything wrong. But it still felt wrong to me. I'd gotten what I wanted, sure, but it didn't change the fact that the entire time I was with Demyx that night, I was thinking about and picturing Roxas. It wasn't fair to either of them. But I'd done it anyways.

I could feel myself slowly sobering up as I laid there, thinking. I forced my eyes shut and eventually fell asleep so I wouldn't have to face myself completely. I only slept so well thanks to the exhaustion lent to me from drinking and fucking.

When I woke again, it was late morning. The sun tried to peer into my room around the edges of the blinds. I shifted on my bed with a groan, sweat causing the sheets to cling to my body as I sat up. I heaved a sigh and glanced at my door as if expecting it to give me some answers. It didn't have any. It never did. Useless fucking door.

I hefted myself out of bed and out the door, cigarette dangling between my lips as I searched the hall table for a lighter. Once I had one in hand I walked as quickly as I could out the door and lit it with a grateful inhale. I knew my peace wouldn't last long but I needed a minute to collect my thoughts and think of some way to fix this. Or at least put a band-aid on it until I could deal with it better. I burned through the cigarette a lot more quickly than I hoped for, then I stepped cautiously back inside. I heard music from Dem's room. Loud. The kind he usually played when he was feeling pissed off and reclusive.

I returned to my room for a moment to pull on a pair of jeans then I went to face him. I knocked abruptly on the door and tried to think of what I could say. He opened the door slowly and eyed me before turning away, though he left the door open. I stepped in and leaned against the wall as he sat on his bed.

"What?"

His tone was not it's usual inviting chime. I gritted my teeth and reminded myself to watch my temper.

"I wanna make sure you're okay. With what happened..."

I trailed off, at a loss. What could I say to make him feel better? The only answer to that was tell him I wanted to be with him. But that wasn't the truth.

"I knew what you wanted last night, Axel. I'm not an idiot. I knew."

_Did you know what you wanted?_

"I...Dem, I know that you have a clear idea of what I was looking for. But..."

He looked dead at me. It wasn't something I could always stand with him. He never looked down or away from me when he was angry. He let me see it, unashamed. He was upset and he wasn't about to hide it.

"But what? We were fucking drunk, Axel. It happens."

He shrugged. I heaved a sigh and raised a hand to my neck, rubbing it in irritation.

"I know that. But I don't think it was right. Not for you."

"What the fuck?"

His tone had taken a sharper turn. I averted my eyes while he continued to stare me down from across the room.

"You know what I'm talking about, Dem. I can't give you what you want. You know that."

"Yeah. Well, fuck that. You sure as hell make me think you can."

I felt myself getting more and more aggravated.

"I never made you any fucking promises, not one. We both knew what we were doing. You know I can't, I just fucking _can't_."

He finally looked away from me. I knew he was done talking. I turned away and left the room. There was more I wanted to say. To ask. I was terrified that he would use this against me. That he would tell Roxas. That would put the final nail in the coffin. There wouldn't be any coming back from that.

I went back to my room and grabbed my phone to check my messages, trying to put Demyx from my mind. He was angry now. But I had known him too long to believe that he would really fuck me over like that.

I had a new message from Roxas. He wanted to meet me again. He said to let him know when I was awake and good for it. I replied, telling him to head over whenever he was ready. I allowed myself time for a quick shower and a change of clothes, as well as a short break for chain smoking before I rummaged through the apartment for anything to eat. But Demyx and I had pretty well finished everything off with our drunk-munchies the evening before. I heard a knock at the door and rushed to open it.

It wasn't much easier, but I managed to give him a once over that didn't last long enough to be that awkward this time. I grinned lopsidedly and he smiled in an obligatory way. We got the hellos out of the way. I heard Demyx's door snap shut down the hall and held back the urge to growl.

"So, I'm half starved and we're wiped out here. Wanna go grab something to eat?"

"Sure. You wanna drive, or...?"

I had to think on that one. At first I didn't know what he meant, but then I remembered that he did in fact have a car and a license. I had driven most of the time when we were together. It was strange to think of him being 'in charge', but on a whim, I wanted to know what it would be like after so long. I shrugged.

"You drive."

He nodded. I slipped my shoes on then followed him out the door and down the steps to his car. I slid into the passenger seat and leaned back comfortably as he took off.

"I know a good place, just down the road here. I'll tell ya how to get there."

"Okay."

We fell into a silence that wasn't quite uneasy but it wasn't exactly comfortable.

**A/N: **Ta-da. Hope you enjoyed.

Just for reference. This whole Demyx debacle was not in the original draft. But I wanted to add it. So there. :]

I just used the word 'debacle'. Wtf. I'm such a loser. Ha. Awesommmmme.

Well. I had a kick-ass birthday (Cake, my cosplay buddies, reminiscing, Hooters, Houlihan's, my sister, a sombrero, a tiara, my Roxy plush, and a camera...Only good can come from these things). Hope you're all still lovin' it. Have a good one, folks.

Read, Review, and continue to loathe/love me for the supreme drama that is this silly little story.

3

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	11. Dance Little Liar

**A/N:** Hullo again. Just so you all know, my beloved Dreaditor has returned to provide her editing prowess. She's my sister. But she's good for more than a laugh. : D So I'm going back to fix all typos, etc., but the meat of the story will remain the same. :]

Read. Enjoy. Review.

_-11-_

_**'Dance Little Liar'**  
_

I spent the entire car ride fighting with myself. I had no idea whether or not I should tell him what had happened the night before. On one hand, I didn't yet know what his intentions were. On the other, if he was even thinking about getting back together with me and I told him, I was probably fucked. I spoke only to direct him around town and kept to myself the rest of the time. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye a few times and seemed concerned by my mood. It wasn't helpful that he could still read me so well, whether he wanted to or not. When we reached the restaurant, I stepped out of the car and hurriedly lit a cigarette with unsteady hands. I led the way to a table on the patio around the side of the building and caught the eye of a nearby waitress. She waved in acknowledgment and returned her attention to her patrons as we sat down. I took a hard drag on my cigarette and let it out through my nose, trying to calm my nerves.

"So. What d'you wanna talk about, Roxy?"

I mentally slapped myself for calling him that, but he didn't seem to shrink away from it this time. I watched him expectantly as he glanced away, collecting his thoughts.

"Well...What happened. Yesterday. It's just that...What happened...There's nothing..."

I cocked my head to the side and smiled reassuringly to prompt him to continue. He took a deep breath and met my eyes.

"It was what I wanted. But it took me by surprise."

I nodded and took another long drag as I considered this. It wasn't what I'd expected either. But I would've given anything to kiss him like that again.

"And I just...I guess I need to know what it is that you want."

I nodded again and rested my chin in one hand, never looking away.

"I want you. Simple as that, Rox."

He didn't seem to know how to answer me and I frowned.

"Did you really believe that I _ever_ for one second stopped caring about you?"

He expression grew a little steely.

"Yeah. I did believe that. I don't now. But I did."

"I'm sorry."

We watched each other in silence for what seemed like an eternity before the waitress showed up and broke the silence. We both quietly ordered and went back to watching each other carefully. I finally grew anxious and spoke again.

"Listen, Rox. I want to be with you. If you think you can give me the chance. That's what I want. I don't know how to make it plainer than that. I don't want to just be your friend, I don't just wanna fuck you, I don't wanna pretend you never happened. Get what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah. But I think you can understand my hesitation."

That bit a little, but I deserved it. Despite his statement, though, his expression had softened. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I held myself back.

"Is it what you want?"

I felt like a kid, holding my breath while I waited for the big reply I wanted, so ready to be crushed but anticipating it with just as much excitement as fear. I placed my cigarette in the ash tray on the table and never let my eyes wander from his.

"Yes."

I couldn't stop the smile that spread over my lips, even when he spoke again.

"But don't think that means we're just going to jump back in where we left off, Axel. You know better, and I just can't do that. We basically back to square one here, okay?"

I continued to grin but nodded. Our waitress had returned to the patio and I caught her attention. I gave her a charming, beseeching smile and asked her to get our orders to go. Roxas quirked an eyebrow at me but he played along; allowed me to practically drag him back to his car and back up the steps to the apartment. The food was soon forgotten, thrown haphazardly in the fridge. Demyx had disappeared, and he slipped easily from my mind as I sat down on the couch with Roxas.

"So. Well then, tell me what's been goin' on since I left."

I watched him intently while he spoke, all the while wanting to touch him, hold him, kiss him. But I managed to restrain myself long enough to get the updates. His mother was working more, Hayner was still dating Nami, Olette was headed for one of the best universities around, Pence had finally found a niche in game design...All the little things that made up Roxas' life. I listened carefully, though mostly just because I had missed the sound of his voice more than I'd realized.

He wanted news from me, so I quickly skimmed the basics; classes, job, friends, etc. When I fell silent again, he just nodded and reclined more comfortably on the sofa. With the formalities out of the way, I didn't think I could continue to contain myself so well.

"...Square one, hm?" I prompted, smirking. He smiled in spite of himself and nodded.

I leaned closer to him and kissed him deeply. He seemed a little tense at first, though he melted into it within a few seconds. I pulled away enough to look at him and grin.

"I'm pretty sure that's where we started off, right?"

He rolled his eyes but mirrored my smirk as he settled back on the couch again.

"I guess you're right about that."

He let his eyes sweep the room and I followed his gaze. His eyes fell on the shot glasses and forgotten booze bottles on the floor. I felt panic flutter in my gut but stifled it as he looked back at me.

"Rough night?" he asked.

"Mmh. A little. What can I say, Roxy? I wasn't a happy camper when you took off like that."

He nodded again, then surprised me by shifting to kneel on the couch and pressing forward to kiss me. This was aggressive for him, but I liked it anyway. I let myself fall back on the cushions as he pressed towards me. I reached up, letting my fingertips slip beneath his shirt and over his torso and chest. He pulled back. I knew I was hoping for too much, but I couldn't help myself; he was hot, and he had started it this time. He hovered over me for a moment and we smiled at one another before he sat back.

"Happy now?" he asked.

"Extremely," I replied with a lopsided grin as I sat up and regained my bearings.

As he sat back, he slipped his cell phone from his pocket and checked the time. He frowned a little. I knew that look. It meant he was going to have to leave soon. Unless I distracted him properly. So I thought I should try.

"Hey, I didn't give you the grand tour. C'mon."

I grabbed his hands and pulled him off of the couch with me and headed down the hall towards my room. I opened the door and let him step inside before me, then I shut the door. He was very quiet as he took in the new surroundings. I stepped up behind him and wrapped my arms around him tightly. He chuckled softly and I felt it rumble in his chest. I inhaled deeply, taking in the scent that was uniquely him. I tightened my arms around him a little more and smiled to myself. He was only a little taller than I remembered, and he was more muscular now. It was strange but I liked it. I loosened my grip and he turned to face me, leaning his cheek against my shoulder for a few moments before he pulled away. Much as I hated to do it, I let him go, and he strode across the small room, running his hand across the top of the desk as he went to look out the window towards the university.

"You know, I decided on a college," he said quietly, still looking out. I went and sat on the edge of my bed, leaning back on my hands.

"Hm?"

"I'm going there," he concluded, nodding towards the university, clearly visible from the window. I smiled to myself again.

"Oh really?"

He turned to face me again.

"Yeah, really."

"Well. Good."

He rolled his eyes but smiled and I smirked at him again.

"I'm not going there because of you. The journalism program is really good. And they offered me a lot of really good scholarships."

I raised a brow at this.

"Journalism?"

"Yes. Olette got me in to it. She needed help for the school paper and begged me to do it, but I actually really liked it."

"Hm. Journalism," I muttered, my tone obviously that of disbelief.

He looked over his shoulder and grinned at me the way he always did when he thought I was being a little stupid. But I supposed if that was what he wanted, then that was what he should get. I smiled at him and he walked over to sit beside me on the edge of the bed. He took one of my hands and looked hard at me for a moment.

"So. You gave me the bullshit answers, but really; how have you been?"

I let the grin slip off of my lips and furrowed my brow, trying to figure out how to answer him honestly without shattering the fragile new dynamic.

"Honestly? Not so good, Rox."

He nodded and waited for me to continue.

"I was miserable without you. I tried to distract myself from it, but there was nothing I could do. Everything I did to forget just made me remember even more how much I need you."

He looked away as he spoke again, tone quiet and forcefully even.

"Were you with anyone else?"

I felt like my heart had just disappeared from my chest. I hated the expression on his face. But I knew I couldn't lie. There was no point. He would know if I lied, anyway.

"Yeah...I mean, I had a few...Uh, one-night-stands. But no relationships, I can swear to that. It never meant anything. I only thought about you every time."

I watched him in silence for what seemed like days. When he finally looked at me again, his expression betrayed his frustration.

"Right...But you know what I'm really asking, Axel. You know."

I did know. But I didn't want to touch the subject. And now there wasn't a choice.

Throughout the time we had been together, there had always been one small problem. Everyone knew that Demyx had never really finished with me. They knew I had been done with him for a long time; as a boyfriend, anyway. But Dem had never been able to act completely like himself around Roxas. It thrilled him to see me so happy. But not with someone else. No matter how I tried to get him to let it go, there were always little things that Demyx would do or say that would completely put Roxas off. And I knew that Roxas wanted to know if I'd gone back to him.

"You're right; I know what you're talking about, Roxy. And yeah, something happened between me and Dem. Well, not just once. But it never meant any more to me than any other one-nighter. You know better than that, don't you?"

I had turned to face him and rested a hand on his thigh. He was looking at the floor again. I sighed heavily and searched my brain for some way to lighten the mood. We needed to get off of the subject.

"Listen, Rox. I love you. I loved you then, I loved you the whole time I've been gone, and I just...God, I fucking love you."

I stood in front of him and caught him in a deep kiss before he could speak or stop me. He seemed tense but as usual melted within seconds. I pressed forward against him so that he was forced to lay on the bed. I kissed him more deeply still and looped my fingers around his wrists, holding him beneath me. At this, he was tense again. I figured he was just nervous. It had been a while. I pinned his wrists with one hand and reached for his shirt with the other, clumsily slipping to remove it in my anticipation. He just grew more rigid beneath me and before I knew what was happening, He had forcefully snapped his hands free of my grip, grabbed my arms, and reversed our positions so that he was looming over me. Only difference was, the kissing had ceased, and he looked frustrated again.

"Don't."

I quirked my brow in genuine confusion, though admittedly, I was enjoying being this close to him again. He was pressed close, and his tone had gotten dangerous and low. I wanted to squirm and strain towards him, but he looked serious.

"Don't what, Roxy?"

"Don't do that. Things aren't like before, okay? You can't just do whatever the hell you want and expect me to always lay there and be happy to take it. So don't."

I raised my brow higher but he just continued to stare at me, only inches away.

"Okay, okay. My bad, Rox. You're not a kid anymore. And if memory serves, you know exactly what you're doing."

He rolled his eyes but nodded.

"I do know what I'm doing. So if I wanna let you lead me, I'll let you. But don't just assume."

Before I could answer him, he pressed forward and kissed me. I could feel the downward curve of his lips as he frowned into the kiss. But I didn't care. It was still him kissing me. And that was what mattered. I let him keep a hold on my arms, but I strained my hips towards him; I may not be in charge, but I could still let him know what I wanted. I was surprised when he gripped me tighter and lifted me further up on the bed so that my legs were no longer hanging over the end. He had gotten stronger, that was for sure. He may still be shorter than me, and cute as fuck; but he was strong. He finally let go of my arms and I wrapped them around his waist, pulling him closer; flat against me.

He allowed for this but reached beneath him to tug at my shirt, forcing the kiss to end. I opened my eyes to watch him. I loved the look on his face. He still looked a little irked, but he was cute when he was irked. Besides that, he looked desperate and rushed. I let him slip my shirt over my head and he tossed it aside carelessly, immediately leaning in to cover my neck and chest with kisses. He bit my neck and I arched as close as I could to him, but then he was gone again, pulling off his own shirt. As soon as he had it off, I grasped the back of his hair and forced his lips to mine. Just as he finally reached to unbutton my jeans, I heard my bedroom door open and I groaned as we both looked towards the door.

Demyx stood in the frame, arms crossed. I could have killed him right then and there. Roxas' fingertips were still poised at the top of my jeans. I was still flushed with excitement. But there was Demyx. Expression cool and collected. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, I knew I was screwed.

"You didn't look that excited last night with me, Axel."

I shut my eyes and groaned again. This was the final straw. My worst nightmare. This couldn't be happening. Especially not with Dem. I'd never known anyone kinder than him or more forgiving. Not in my entire life. And here he was; telling the love of my life that we had fucked last night while he was deciding to get back together with me. This was so fucked up even I couldn't believe it.

Roxas' expression was frozen; a mix of surprise, anger, and devastation. Nothing cute about it. They were all heartbreaking. I wanted to fucking kill Demyx. I slipped out from under Roxas and strode across the room, slamming the door shut with a final glare at Demyx. When I turned back to face Roxas, he was already at the bedside pulling on his shirt, refusing to meet my eye.

"Rox, please, give me a second and I can explain."

"Fuck that."

I stayed planted in front of the door, arms thrown out as he advanced.

"You don't understand."

"I don't need to."

He shoved me roughly out of the way and walked out the door without another word. I crashed into the dresser by the door and lost my balance, falling to the floor. I scrambled to my feet and rushed into the hall. When I reached the living room, I saw Roxas walking out the door, but he wasn't alone. Demyx was holding the door open for him and with a last dirty glance at me, Demyx followed him out and the door slammed shut.

* * *

**A/N:** There ya go. Enjoy. I guess. Although now we're into the angst. Heh heh. Again.

PLEASE REVIEW! LOVE Y'ALL.

And fyi, for you uber-nerds out there...I'll soon be posting a 'Spork' fic...If you understood that and are pleased. Ily.

Peace.

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	12. Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts

**A/N:** It's nice to have an editor again. No more silly mistakes. :]

Mucho thanks to the Dreaditor (AKA, my sister).

ONWARD!

* * *

_-12-_

_'Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts'_

I didn't have a fucking clue where to begin. Kill Demyx? Hunt down Roxas? Get wasted? Pace the apartment until Demyx came back and confront him? I just didn't know. I ended up restlessly sitting on the couch, cell phone in hand, pack of cigarettes nearby.

I worked up the courage (more like squashed out enough cowardice) to call Roxas. But there was no answer. I texted him, pleading for him to come back and let me talk to him. I could understand why he would be so angry. If I even hoped there was a chance of him taking me back, I shouldn't have done what I did. But I was drunk, lonely, and used to solving my problems that way. Still a terrible excuse, but it was something. And if he understood me the way I thought he did, there was a chance.

I was still in complete disbelief. Demyx had never crossed me like that, no matter how bitter he was about the situation. All the time I had known him, he'd wanted to see me happy. So why this, why now? I knew he was angry with me, obviously, but I never thought he would go this far. He had never done anything malicious even when my relationship with Roxas had been at it's best.

What really got me worked up was knowing that they had left together. Where the hell would they go together after something like this? What the fuck would they do? I didn't want to know, but I had to find out.

I finally talked myself into getting up from the sofa. I gathered my keys, wallet, and smokes, and headed out the door straight for the nearest bar. I hurried in and sat down, muttering a request to the barkeep and slumping back in the stool. I glanced around the bar. It was still pretty empty since it wasn't that late in the day yet. But when my eyes came to the back of the room, I froze and took in a sharp breath. The bartender brought me a drink and I drank it much too quickly as I tried to understand the sight in front of me.

Demyx was sitting in a booth near the back and next to him, Roxas. I frowned and got up, moving around the bar to keep myself out of view, but still keeping an eye on them. I could see the frown set on Roxas' face from here. I hated his expression. I could've kicked myself. I scowled deeply as I watched Demyx slip an arm around his shoulders. Roxas looked more uncomfortable by the second. I wanted nothing more than to get up, march over, and beat the living bejesus out of Demyx. But I was rooted to the place, transfixed and horrified by the situation. I grew tense when Demyx put a hand on Roxas' knee. Roxas looked away and said something. Demyx answered with a grin which I knew too well. He used it when he wanted something his way. Roxas shook his head, stood up, and walked away.

I got up, threw some cash on the bar top and took off after Roxas. I followed him to the parking lot and reached out, touching his arm. He whipped around and before I could react his fist made contact with my face. He looked horrified for a split second as I reeled and nearly lost my balance. But then his expression became stony again and he climbed in his car and sped off. I slumped to sit on the curb for a moment, a hand to my face. I was going to have one hell of a black eye.

I gave myself a few moments to recover, got in my car, stopped to pick up a case of beer, and went back to the apartment. I went to the kitchen, opened a beer, and sat down, putting a hand to my face. He'd gotten me in the eye. So by tomorrow, I could expect one bitch of a bruise to show up.

The front door opened and I cast my eyes to the floor, taking a long drink. Demyx stopped in the doorway of the kitchen. I did my best to pretend he didn't exist. He stepped into the room and went to the freezer. I heard him taking out ice. How could he pull this shit and then come home and make himself a drink? I heard the cabinets open and close before he walked around the table to stand directly in front of me. He extended a hand and I saw that he had put together an ice pack for me.

"Hey," he mumbled, looking to the side. I slowly reached out and took the pack, placing it gingerly over my right eye.

"...Hey."

He sat down across from me and I finally glanced at his face. He looked drawn and pale. I could tell he was beginning to realize just what he'd done. And he didn't feel as smug about it anymore. I took another drink and sighed.

"Dem..."

He glanced at me then away again.

"I know that you're still mad. But why would you...?"

"I just...I don't know. What happened to your eye?" he asked, concerned.

"Roxas hit me."

His eyes widened almost comically.

"_What?_"

"I can't blame him. I deserved it..." I grumbled.

"No, Ax, you didn't."

"...What?"

"You didn't deserve that. I do. You don't. How were you supposed to know he was going to want to get back together with you?"

"I should've known. I know him so well. If he so much as tried to talk to me, I should have known that was what it was about. But I'm an idiot."

"You _knew_ him. He's different, Axel. Maybe not completely. But definitely different," he insisted.

We fell into silence and it was tense and awkward again.

"Can you just promise me it won't be like this if I can fix things with Roxas?" I asked quietly.

He sighed and looked at the floor.

"You know how I feel. But I just want you to stop being miserable. So if that's what it takes, then fine," he agreed without looking at me.

We had an agreement. However begrudging his tone, we had an agreement. I nodded slowly in reply and took the ice off of my eye, fingering the skin tenderly.

"Is it bad?"

"Not yet. But it's gonna be awful," he concluded, smirking in spite of himself. "Why'd he hit you?

"I don't have a fucking idea. He didn't even know it was me until after he hit me."

"Weird..."

I put the ice back to my eye and finished off my beer before getting to my feet.

"Well. I gotta figure this out. 'Night, Dem..." I muttered.

"...Night."

I went to my room and fell back on the bed, one hand holding the ice to my eye, the other cradling my phone. It was open and on Roxas' name, like it had been a few nights before. I took a deep breath to steady myself and hit the call button. It rang twice. The third tone was cut short.

"Hello?"

He sounded distracted. It sounded like he was driving.

"Hey, Rox."

A long pause.

"What do you want?" he growled.

"Well, for starters I'd like to know why I'm gonna have one hell of a shiner come tomorrow."

Another pause. I pictured his expression with my eyes shut.

"Honestly. I thought you were Demyx. He wouldn't leave me the fuck alone," he admitted.

I grinned to myself and shook my head.

"Well. I'm not. And I won't leave you alone either until we figure this out."

He was quiet for a full minute.

"I need time to think."

"Okay. But I'm not just gonna disappear. When will I hear from you?" I asked, desperate.

"Jesus, Axel, I don't-..."

I could tell he was trying to keep his temper in check. Something he hadn't ever been great at.

"I'll call you tomorrow night," he concluded with a sigh.

"Fine by me."

"Goodbye."

"Talk to you later."

I tossed the phone aside when the line went dead and let out a long breath. I still felt anger making my stomach writhe horribly. And I still felt tragically lost and guilt-ridden. I didn't know what I could do with myself. I shuffled around my room and tried to work on a paper that was due in a few days. But there was no way I could focus myself long enough to make the words coherent. I stood from my desk and went to sit on the bed just as there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in."

Demyx opened the door and hovered nervously in the doorway for a moment, then he stepped into the room and shut the door, leaning back against it. His face was drawn and pained. His posture was slumped and defeated. I didn't like this.

I put the ice on my eye again and looked him over for a long time. He met my gaze but seemed hesitant and scared. I cocked my head to one side.

"What's up, Dem?"

"It's my fault," he mumbled.

I stared blankly.

"Well. Sort of, yeah. But not really."

"No. You lost him and you're going to be even more miserable than before. And it's my fault. Because I wanted you for myself. And I can't have what I want."

"Dem-"

"No. No. It's true. I don't think I knew exactly what I started. But I wish I hadn't started it."

"Demyx. That's not true. We both fucked up. And I fucked up worse than you. Because I screwed up with you and with him."

"No, you didn't do anything to me, you-"

"Dem, shut up for a second."

When I was sure he was going to stay quiet I spoke again.

"I understand what happened. And why you reacted like you did. And sure, I'm mad. But I'm not mad at you. Not anymore, because that would be total bullshit, and you know it. Don't put this off on yourself so I can believe my own bull. This is my fault and I have to deal with it," I said, watching him evenly.

He still looked like a kicked puppy. But I was pretty sure he'd gotten the point. I set aside the ice pack.

"I gotta sleep, man. See you in the morning, okay?"

"...Yeah," he muttered, turning away.

I flopped back on my bed with a heavy sigh as he left the room. He shut the door as quietly as he could, and I didn't hear a peep for the rest of the night. But as the evening wore on, I just got more and more worked up. I found myself pacing the room anxiously. I put my shoes back on and curled my keys in my fist. I stopped in the center of the room and stared at my door for a few moments before I rushed toward it, wrenched it open, strode down the hall and out the front door.

I hopped in my car and screeched out of the parking lot on to the main road. I drove as fast as I could, blowing off a few red lights and stop signs on the way. I halted abruptly in front of Roxas' house thirty minutes later (though the drive to town was usually almost an hour). I tripped over myself in my rush to get out of the car and up the driveway to the door. I rapped on the door and waited impatiently. When it opened, I found myself face to face with his mother.

She eyed me momentarily with an expression of mixed confusion and slight displeasure. But as she took in my face, she softened a bit. I knew my face was screwed up with anxiety and indecision. Not to mention the gnarly bruise I was sporting over my eye.

"Axel?" she prompted, extending her fingertips towards my black eye. I'd forgotten how fond of me she'd managed to become after a while.

"Hey. I-...I need to talk to Roxas. Is he here?" I asked, hearing the shaking in my voice.

She nodded slowly and glanced over her shoulder at the stairwell. I shifted nervously.

"Um...Alright. He's in his room."

She stood aside raking her fingers nervously through her long, blonde hair. Roxas did the same thing when he was uncertain. I gave her a grateful smile and stepped inside, leaping up the steps two at a time. I knocked on his door and waited.

"Come in."

I opened the door and stepped inside, leaning in the doorway. He was laying on his bed with his laptop open and music playing. He stopped it and looked me over, eyes narrowed.

"What do you want?" he demanded, crossing his arms.

"To talk. That's all."

I shut the door and walked across the room towards him. He set his computer aside and sat up rigidly. I paused in my tracks then continued and sat down beside him, but not too close. I sighed and rubbed my neck as I thought about what to say.

"Okay...Whatever Demyx said to you...Whatever you think, you need to know what happened. Even if you don't still want to be with me after this, I want to tell you the truth."

He was watching me with narrowed eyes, arms crossed tightly over his chest. I wanted to take him in my arms. I wanted to kiss him until everything was okay. But I knew better this time. I knew I was going to have to try to talk my way through this one.

"I know what I did was stupid. I know it wasn't fair to you. But I need to you know that it's not what you think. I was sure you weren't going to call me again. I was sure I wasn't going to see you again. I shouldn't have assumed all that, but I did, because I'm and idiot. What happened with Demyx wasn't what you think at all though. I don't have feelings for him anymore. I don't know how many times I've told you both that. But it's the truth. I spent all night drinking and talking about you. All I talked about was how much I love you. How much I missed you. And I was lonely so I thought what I did would make me feel better. But I felt like shit."

His expression was softening, if only a little. But this was a good sign. I could read him like a book. I knew I was gaining ground. I took his hand and he allowed it.

"I didn't feel any better. Because I still thought I had lost you completely. But you should know that from the minute I left you, I spent every day thinking about you and practically nothing else. Well, that's not quite right. From the minute I met you, you were all I thought about. And nothing's going to stop me from being with you. I'll do anything. Because I need you. And I think we need each other. I don't think I can move on at all from anything until you forgive me."

His face was completely devoid of anger now. His expression was pretty much blank as the words sank in. I gripped his hand more securely as I waited for him to speak.

"...I'm sorry I hit you."

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Here I am, bearing my soul to you, and you wanna apologize for hitting me, even though I deserved it?"

His expression dropped to bemused annoyance but he didn't let go of my hand.

"Well, it looks pretty bad," he defended.

I shrugged and smiled at him.

"I don't care about that. I just wanna know what's going to happen with us," I replied.

His eyes turned downward as he considered how to answer.

"After what happened today...You know I want this to work. But I have to know that you're going to make it work."

"I'll do anything. Whatever you ask me. Anything."

"I know you won't wanna hear this. But I think maybe...Maybe it'd be for the best if you and Demyx had some time apart. I know you don't have feelings for him. But he still loves you, Axel, I know he does. I just need to know that this isn't going to happen again... I'm not saying you can't see him, you know I wouldn't do that. But I'm worried."

I nodded immediately, albeit reluctantly.

"I'll talk to him...But I can't promise anything immediate. I mean, we have the apartment on lease for a few more months, and-"

"I understand that, Ax. Just...Talk to him about it...?"

"You got it, Roxy."

We lapsed into silence and I got to my feet. He furrowed his brow and didn't release my hand.

"Where're you going?" he asked, frowning.

"I...uh. I figured I should go. I thought you would want some space."

He glanced away then looked hard at me.

"Go if you want to. But I want you to stay."

I raised my brow at this and smirked as I sat back down on the bed.

"And why is that, Roxy?"

"Oh, shut up."

He lunged at me and pinned me on the bed, hovering temptingly in front of me. I strained towards him to kiss him but he leaned away and smirked down at me as I struggled. I groaned and fell limp on the bed, shutting my eyes and turning my face to the side.

"What're you doing?" he chuckled.

"Pretending you're not here."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"So I don't jump your skinny ass."

He laughed again and kissed my cheek before he let me go and laid down beside me. I heard him sigh and I opened my eyes to watch him as his eyes darted across the room a few times.

"What's up?"

"Nothin'. It's just been a long day," he sighed.

"I know whatcha mean, Roxy. I know whatcha mean."

We laid there for almost two hours. When I realized it was past midnight, I got to my feet. He seemed reluctant to see me go, but we both knew we couldn't take this too fast if we were going to fix things the right way. We exchanged a quick hug and I let myself out. The drive home was a lot more relaxed than the drive over. When I got back to the apartment there was no sign of Demyx. I shot him a text message and climbed into bed, falling asleep more easily than I had in a long time.

* * *

**A/N:** Ta-da again. Hope everyone is enjoying.

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I always appreciate feedback, and I'm thrilled that so many of you are excited about my work!**

Just a heads up, homies...If you're a fan of the new Trek movie and a little thing called Spork (or Spirk), then be on the look out for my next story... :3

Everyone have a great day and happy holidays!

[simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	13. I'm Not Good

**A/N:** Meh. Chapter twelve. Meh.

Moving on with my life.

Thanks to the Dreaditor. My sister/Roomie. : D ...She typed the following. Wtf.

There once was a man from Nantucket.

He carried a head in a bucket.

He swung it around

And it fell on there ground

And alas, he had no place to tuck it!

Jack and Jill went up a hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down, snapping his spinal cord and rendering him paralyzed from the neck down,

And Jill thought he was dead, so she harvested his organs and sold them on the blackmarket.

Mary had a little lamb

It's fleece was white as snow.

Everywhere that Mary went,

The lamb was sure to go.

But Mary found the price of meat

Was high, which didn't please her.

Tonight she's having leg of lamb,

The rest is in the freezer.

…...........Anyway. I guess that's all she had to say. The last one is one our dad told us. XD

Ahem. Back to literature.

* * *

_-13-_

**'I'm Not Good'**

I didn't see much of Dem for a few days after I'd gone to see Roxas. I picked up extra shifts at work and spent all my free time working on papers to keep myself busy. I tried to keep myself from going to see Roxas every day. I needed to restrain myself for the time being. Five days after I went to see Roxas, I was at work when Hayner and Pence strolled in. They sat in a corner and smirked over at me. I started to get anxious, glancing at the time every few minutes in my haste to end my shift and find out what they were doing.

When I finally clocked out for the day, I rushed over and stood before them. They took in my cheesy coffee shop tee-shirt and smirked at me. Hayner folded his arms over his chest and grinned.

"Hey, Axel," he said.

I ignored his attitude and smiled back.

"Hey, guys. What're you doing here?"

"We're checking out student housing," Pence replied

"Yup. We're going to the university here next year," Hayner added.

"Yeah? So...Is Roxas coming today too?"

"Yeah. He should be here soon," Hayner answered, checking his watch. I nodded in response and sat down across from them to wait.

We chatted idly for a while until Roxas showed up. He walked up beside me and rested a hand on my shoulder to alert me to his presence. I looked up at him with a smile.

"Heya, Roxy."

He shot me a smile in response and greeted Hayner and Pence. They spoke about where they wanted to go and look for places to live and put together a plan. Hayner and Pence got to their feet and went out to Hayner's car. Roxas turned to leave but stopped and looked at me questioningly.

"Coming?" he prompted. I gave him a confused stare.

"Well, I figured you guys wanted to go check things out on your own, so I thought I'd just say hello and head home."

"Okay, let me try that again. I want you to come with me."

I grinned and got to my feet, taking his hand.

"Whatever you say, Roxas."

We went to his car and took off for a nearby apartment complex to meet Hayner and Pence again. The ride was quiet but not uncomfortable. I followed obediently and quietly as a manager showed us around the first place. It was a pretty cool set-up, but definitely pricey. Money I knew the guys didn't have. When we got in the car again, Roxas started venting to me about the situation.

"Neither one of them have jobs, they never have! I don't know how they expect to be able to afford anything. I don't make enough to cover just my own living costs. This just isn't gonna work out," he growled, heaving a sigh.

"I know it's tough, Rox. Did you guys even check out the student housing yet?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"They don't want to. But I don't think they've got a choice, y'know?"

"Yeah..."

We sat in silence for a few moments when a thought struck me. I smiled slightly and glanced at him.

"Y'know, Roxy..."

"Hm?" he prompted as we entered another apartment complex.

"What do you think about moving in together?"

He snorted with laughter.

"You living with me, Hayner and Pence? Riiight."

I couldn't help but laugh at the idea too. But as we got out of the car, I stopped him, holding his hand and staring him down.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, why don't you and I get a place?"

He blinked at me and I grinned.

"I make enough money to cover us for a while if you can't find a job right away. But there're always places hiring around here. And the lease on my apartment with Dem is almost up anyway. I know we're supposed to be taking this slow...But we've got a couple of months until it has to happen. And I think it could work," I concluded, my face more serious.

He stared at me for a moment, started to speak, then closed his mouth and tightened his grip on my hand as he turned over what I had said. Pence and Hayner were at the doors of the office, waiting for us. He glanced at them. I squeezed his hand and he looked back at me.

"I-...Damn. Let me think for a minute, Axel. Let's go inside, okay?"

I masked my disappointment and nodded, following him inside. As the manager showed us around the place, Roxas never let go of my hand, despite the glances Pence and Hayner shot him. When we got back in the car, Roxas let his hands fall to his lap, keys clenched in his fist. Hayner and Pence took off but we sat in the parking lot for some time, not saying a word. When he finally looked at me again, my heart jumped to my throat.

"Okay...Axel, I really like the sound of it. Moving in together, going to school, having a place to ourselves...I want to say yes."

I tried to keep my smirk in check while I waited for him to finish.

"But you know I owe it to the guys to make sure they've got something figured out. Let me talk to them and then I'll give you an answer. I know it's not what you want to hear, but that's the way it has to be."

I nodded and grinned anyway.

"It's enough just to know that you want to say yes, Roxas," I replied, leaning over and kissing him tenderly. He put his hand to my cheek and returned the kiss. When we broke apart, he started the car and we drove off.

"I'm gonna talk to them now. But I want to drop you off first so they don't blame you. Okay?"

I nodded, still smiling to myself. When we reached the coffee house I kissed him again then got out to go to my car. He rolled the window down and smiled at me.

"I promise I'll come by as soon as I can," he called. I grinned and nodded before I climbed into my car and sped off for home. I was surprised to see Demyx there when I walked in. I called to him in greeting as I took off down the hall for a shower. Once I was showered and dressed, I grabbed my laptop and went to the living room to sit with Demyx and chat while I worked on a paper for my psychology class. I flopped back on the couch and Dem hung backwards over the chair to look at me.

"Hey, Axel," he mumbled.

"Heya, Dem. Where you been, man? I feel like I haven't seen you in days," I replied, opening up a document.

"Just...around," he said, sitting up straight again. I stopped what I was doing and studied him carefully. He looked sleep deprived and sad.

"Dem, what's up?"

"What d'you mean?"

"You don't look so hot. Are you still upset?"

"No," he answered abruptly.

I frowned and set my computer aside.

"C'mon. I know you better than that."

He shrugged and looked away. It was clear to me that he didn't want to talk about it. But I had to get him to talk. It was no good for him to continue this way. And I felt guilty in spite of myself.

"Listen to me, Dem."

He looked up at me with a serious expression pulling his features down in anger and frustration. I sighed and gathered my thoughts.

"I know what you're feeling. I'm not saying I totally understand it, because I can't. But I know that you're not happy, and I hate that. You know I can't be with you. I know that you don't want to hear that," I said quietly. He looked almost terrified as he listened to me speak.

"I want you to move on. I know there are plenty of people who would die for someone like you, Dem. You deserve to be happy, and I know you can find someone to happy with. I'm sorry I can't be that for you."

When I finished, his lip was quivering. I got to my feet and stepped in front of him, holding out my arms.

"C'mere," I muttered. He slowly stood and fell into my arms. I hugged him tightly and shut my eyes.

I'd been through everything with Demyx. He'd always been my best friend. He was there through everything that had happened to me for my entire life. He had even been my first boyfriend. While I no longer confused what we had for a romantic relationship, I didn't want to see him so crushed. I didn't know what to do for him except be there like he had always been there for me. I opened my eyes and looked down at him. He was calmer which made me more confident. I smiled at him.

"Y'know, Dem. I saw Zexion the other day. He was asking about you. Like always," I teased, letting him go and jabbing him playfully in the chest. "Maybe it's a little soon for you. But give the poor boy a chance. He's a mess just thinking about you."

Demyx smiled back at me and nodded, laughing a little. Though his relationship with Zexion had been short-lived, I knew his heart hadn't been in it at the time. Maybe it would be good for both of them if they gave it another shot. Demyx walked away from me towards his room.

"I've got some homework to do," he called over his shoulder before disappearing into his room. I flopped on to the chair which he had vacated, hanging my legs over one side and leaning my head against the other arm. I shut my eyes and let out a long breath when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called. The door opened and shut quietly and I heard soft footsteps coming my way. I opened one eye and looked up at Roxas.

"Hey, baby," I said, smirking. He rolled his eyes and sat down on the floor beside me. I slung an arm around his shoulders. "So, what's the verdict?"

"They're not happy, I can tell you that," he mumbled, leaning towards me to rest his head on my side.

"Hm. Didn't think they'd be," I replied.

"But...They know there's no way they can afford to live on their own this year. So they went to check out the dorms."

I opened my eyes again and looked over to see him smiling at me.

"You tryin' to say what I think you're tryin' to say, Rox?" I prompted. He nodded and my face split into a wide grin. "Excellent."

"I know," he sighed, running a hand over his hair. "It's still a lot to think about, though."

"Yeah. But I'm gonna do everything to make this happen."

We watched each other for a moment and the smiles slipped away slowly. I shifted on to my side and leaned towards him, kissing him forcefully with a hand at the back of his neck. I broke the kiss first and his eyes fluttered open.

"But what to do in the meantime?" I wondered aloud, giving him a lopsided grin. He smirked back at me and laughed.

"Cool it, lover-boy," he teased, nudging me with his shoulder. "You know the deal."

I groaned and slipped off of the chair to kneel beside him, hanging myself on his shoulders heavily.

"I knoooow," I whined, nuzzling his neck. He didn't try to stop me so I slipped my arms around his waist. "But you don't make it very easy, Roxy."

He chuckled at me but let me cuddle up to him without complaint. I knew I was setting myself up for a fall. But I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent before I released the breath. He shivered as my breath grazed his neck and I smirked to myself. He relaxed into my embrace again and I slipped my hands lower down his waist. He sighed and grabbed my hands gently to guide them away from his waist.

"C'mon, Ax. Give it a rest, just for a little while."

"Oh, fine," I grumbled. "But only 'cause it's what you want."

I got to my feet and led him down the hall to my room. We sat on my bed discussing our plans for the next year or so. I couldn't wait to get things rolling. With the money we each had saved, I could see us living pretty comfortably in the next year. As the conversation wound down, we were laying side by side on the bed staring at the ceiling. I slipped my hands behind my head with a contented sigh.

"Hey, Axel..." Roxas prompted.

"Hm?"

"What about Demyx? What's he going to do?"

"I'm not really sure yet," I admitted. "We haven't talked about it much. He's got a lot on his mind."

"Mmh. Right," he said softly. We turned in unison to face each other.

"Don't worry. I've got it under control. I did talk to him today. I just need some time to make sure he's gonna be alright, okay?" I said quietly, watching him carefully.

"Yeah..."

I frowned and wriggled closer to him.

"Hey, c'mon. Don't worry, please," I pleaded. I slipped my arms around him and pulled him close to me.

He nodded against my shoulder and I released him. He turned on to his back again putting one hand behind his head. He glanced at the clock on my bedside table then back to me.

"I should go," he muttered. I pursed my lips and shook my head at him and he laughed.

"I have to get some homework done," he defended as I rolled on top of him and fell limp to stop him from getting up.

"But it's only Saturday," I protested.

"I know, Axel. But I have just as many A.P. Classes as you did last year. I really need to get _something_ done!"

I propped myself up with a hand on either side of him.

"Aw, come on. I can help you with it. Then it'll be done faster."

He sighed and bit his lip, looking to the side. I knew he didn't want to leave me, no matter how much he had to do. He looked at me again and gave me a defeated expression.

"Fine. Come with me. But promise you'll let me get some work done?"

"Sure thing, Roxy," I agreed, grinning. I hopped off of the bed, pulling him up with me. We got in his car and went to his house. His mother was gone on a business trip, as usual. She'd been working a lot more over the past few years. To avoid a tempting situation, Roxas brought his textbooks and his laptop down to the living room and spread it out on the coffee table. He plopped down on the floor in front of the table and I perched on the couch behind him. I reached around him for some of the papers.

Advanced calculus, chemistry and European history were the first three assignments on the stack. All lengthy, in-depth work. But all assignments I had done before. As Roxas started working away on his laptop, I took a pen and some paper from the table and started working out some of the chem problems. After twenty minutes had passed in silence, he glanced suspiciously at me.

"What're you up to?" he asked, eying me up and down.

I finished the final problem with a flourish and set the paper in front of him.

"Just tryin' to help, Rox," I replied with a smirk as he examined the paper. His eyes widened and he shook his head.

"First of all, I should be working these out for myself. And second, how the hell did you do these so quickly?"

I shrugged at him and swung my legs up to recline on the couch.

"I'd forgotten how smart you really are," he admitted, still shaking his head in disbelief. I chuckled to myself.

"They didn't give me a full ride at the university for nothing, Roxy," I reminded him. "No way I could've afforded school otherwise."

He smiled over his shoulder at me then went back to work. I propped myself up and started the calculus work. It was a lot. Looked like exam prep. I worked out the kinds of problems I knew Roxas had trouble with and left the rest blank before I slid the paper in front of him. He shook his head again but set the paper aside without a word and went back to his paper. When he finished typing, he snapped the laptop shut and took up the calculus paper again. He looked it over and glanced at me.

"Seriously?" he asked in disbelief.

I shrugged again and tried to look aloof. I grinned mischievously as he finished off the calculus work. When he finished, he perched himself on the couch beside me, cradling his chin in his hand and glancing thoughtfully around the room.

"Got somethin' on your mind, Roxy?" I asked, laying a hand on his back.

"I just realized something," he replied, frowning a little.

"Hm?"

"All the times we got together in high school. It was never at my house," he stated, crossing his arms and looking at me. I grinned wider.

"And?"

"Well...I don't know, I just thought of it."

"Mm. I see."

It surprised me when he grabbed my hand and made a dash for the stairs. He dragged me to his room and we fell on to the bed together. He kissed me for a moment then rolled to the side and watched me pensively.

"So...Are we gonna remedy the situation or...?" I trailed off with a smirk. He smiled at me and kissed me again, curling his fingers around the hem of my t-shirt.

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**A/N:** There ya go. Sorry for the super-delay. Been soooo busy with work and friends, and cosplay, and family, and life in general! Oy!

Hope you enjoyed! I actually super-loved how I reworked these last bits of the story. Yay.

Peace out, dudes.

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


	14. Hands Down

**A/N:** Well here we have it. The end of the line. Thanks again to my Dreaditor. And thanks to all of you for reading (whether it was the first time or the second).

_**PLEASE NOTE:**_ The last chapter is Roxy POV again.

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_-14-_

**_'Hands Down'_**

I shifted my bag as I unlocked the front door of my apartment. Well, our apartment. I stepped inside and slipped off my shoes, throwing my bag aside by the door. I unzipped my jacket with a sigh and went down the hall to the bedroom. Inside, I found Axel, sitting at the desk, clattering away on his laptop. He'd been working on a thesis for three days without pause.

It had been a year and a half since we'd gotten back together. And frankly, things had worked out better than I could've ever planned. We'd found a low-cost apartment a little ways from the main campus, but still within walking distance. I'd managed to pick up some part-time work at a shop in town where they sold skateboards and clothing; that kind of store. It was smaller than the one back home, but it was still familiar territory. Axel had quit his job at the coffee shop and taken up bar tending. There was a swanky little bar right across the street from our apartment. It had been one of his favorite haunts, so he was more than happy to be working there.

We'd settled into a comfortable routine, despite our mismatched class schedules and my practices. In order to get the scholarship money I needed, I'd accepted the offer a scout had made for a basketball scholarship. I didn't completely love the game, but Hayner had picked up a scholarship off of it as well, so it was bearable. And when the season ended, I had plenty of time to catch up on my relationship. Overall, I couldn't ask for more.

Everything had worked out perfectly. Even for Demyx. Not long after I'd gotten back together with Axel, Demyx had run into Zexion after class and they'd gotten to talking. And next thing we knew, by the time Axel and Demyx's lease was up, Dem was practically living with Zexion anyways. It had been a nearly seamless transition. But most importantly, things with Axel had never been better.

Living with Axel was one of the most interesting situations I'd found myself in. He was, as always, spontaneous and excitable. But what surprised me was how neat he was. Everything in it's place, always on time, never anything lost. He even kept a list for grocery shopping. I had known him better than most people, and yet it constantly surprised me just how on top of things he really was.

I slipped my arms around his shoulders and he looked up at me, slipping off his glasses with a smile.

"Hey, how was class?" he asked, leaning back in the chair.

"Not too bad. Just wish I'd gotten more sleep last night," I replied. I yawned and moved away to sit on the bed. He got up and came to sit beside me.

"Sorry, did my typing keep you up?" he prompted, looking apologetic. I shook my head.

"Nah. Just couldn't sleep."

Truthfully, it felt as if he hadn't been around for three days. He'd been so absorbed in his paper that he went to bed a lot later than I did and was usually up far earlier. I'd gotten used to sleeping beside him. And he usually curled up around me at night. The shift in habit had thrown me for a loop, whether I'd admit that to him or not.

"Mmh. Sorry I've been so distracted. I just gotta get this stuff outta my head before I lose it," he said, frowning. He rubbed his eyes wearily and flopped back on the bed. I laid back beside him.

"I know you've been workin' hard. Don't you think it's about time for a break?" I asked, taking his hand. He pursed his lips and thought for a moment.

"Feel like goin' out for dinner?"

"Not really," I replied, shaking my head.

"Hm. You're probably right. Anything we'd be doing together is not for public consumption."

I laughed and shook my head again as he drew me towards him.

"I'd think you were only in this for the sex if I didn't know how needy you are," I remarked jokingly. He kissed me and pretended to pout.

"I'm not needy. Just demanding."

"You're so stupid," I laughed. He deepened his pretend pout then leered at my evilly and leaped up. He crawled on to the bed, looming over me, grabbing my wrists and kissing me again. I strained towards him. He pulled back, seeming surprised by my eager attitude.

"What?" I protested. "It's been at least a week since we had any _fun_."

He smirked and kissed my neck. I reached out and grabbed the hem of his shirt, slipping it easily over his head and tossing it aside. He removed my shirt and threw it to the floor then starting fiddling with my belt. He fettered his own progress though because he was pressing himself so close to me in his urgency.

An hour later, Axel walked back into the room, freshly showered and dressed. I was still curled up under the covers, resting my head on my arm as I watched him. He went around picking up the clothing we had discarded and I smiled. When he was satisfied with the order of the room, he sat down on the bed. He shut his eyes and leaned against the pillows while I rested my head on his lap and stared at him intently for a while. He opened his eyes and looked down at me.

"Somethin' wrong?" he asked, running a hand over my already ruffled hair. I shook my head and shut my eyes.

"Nope. Everything's perfect."

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A/N:

I know the final chapter was short. But don't worry. There are plenty of new ideas being tossed around in the Dreaditor's office. I can promise you more lovely writing soon enough.

Thanks again to everyone who read and reviewed. I appreciate your support more than y'all know. :] Hope you enjoyed. See ya next time!

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]


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